I would’ve posted this in the self-reflection thread, but it’s still locked, so I’m going to post it here.

For some years now I’ve self identified as an absurdist. I’d consigned myself to the notion that this universe and existence in it was absurd, that meaning could never be found within it. Yet at the same time I also hoped beyond hope that there was meaning to be found beyond this universe, in some pristine realm not subject to chaos and entropy, by the grace of that which we call God. I’ve long struggled to reconcile the two views, but I find I cannot. Existence in toto is either absurd or meaningful; it can’t be both.

Well, I’m renouncing my status as an absurdist. My despair is great, but my hope is greater – hope that a benevolent God exists; hope that They can and do help us; hope that this universe – in spite of all the death and decay and misery which afflicts it – was designed and executed with a purpose in mind; hope when all is said and done, humanity – along with all sapient species we share this cosmos with – will transcend entropy and be reconciled to God in the end. I have no knowledge that any of this is the case; I could be completely wrong on all points. However, I will not default to cynicism; for me that way lies nihilism, and nihilism will spell my end.