So I was supposed to have an appointment with a new psychiatrist last week and his secretary made a clerical error and now I have to wait three more weeks. Fuck. I want more of the medication I’m on, and I don’t think it’s working very well. That’s not a good sign. Not good at all. I’m out with my friends right now, I should be having fun, and I feel like shit. This is bad. I’m overdosing on Matt Dillahunty videos. I feel like I’m numb or anxious. And at work I had to be a witness for loss prevention. It was scary, and made this even worse. I feel like hammered shit. It’s getting harder. I’m so sick of this endless fighting. Fuck.
It will be a bit difficult to focus your thoughts because it might not be something you are used to having to do consciously on a regular basis. Some of these thoughts may be amplified or agitated by habits of yours … like going to the kitchen before you head outside (just an example). Take notice of things you are doing at the exact time and prior when stuff starts to get frustrating. You might find a pattern that you can change to help make it easier on yourself. I suffer from an ailment or two and I have taught myself some of these things. Now, I actually notice when something is going to start, and I am prepared to handle it before it goes full blown.
It takes a little work to do but I believe you have it in you to do. My proof? You are still with us, you are still communicating, you are still seeking and making use of outside avenues to help you move forward. Survival is by far one of the most difficult challenges and you are handling it. Be proud of yourself for it and keep moving forward.
My pm box is still open if you ever need an ear.
Shawn