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Depressing but fairly intellligent blog... — Page 2

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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
More famous than Judas Iscariot or [possibly] Kurt Kobain?
Cleopatra...
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She allowed herself to be bit by a poisonous snake. Some stories say an asp, some say a cobra.
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I think she let a snake bit her breast and died poisoned... Not as bizarre as the ancient greek writer Aeschylus, who died after an eagle dropped a turtle over his head, while he rested laying in the grass.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Which brings me to the Darwin Awards. Have you ever heard of them? They are given to people who kill themselves off in the stupidest imaginable ways.

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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
Which brings me to the Darwin Awards. Have you ever heard of them? They are given to people who kill themselves off in the stupidest imaginable ways.
One of my favorite websites.

My 2 favorite stories, even though both have been proven to be fake, have to be the JATO and the 'Frog Giggin' stories. I'll copy and paste the stories if anyone is interested, but we need a new thread for it.
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Originally posted by: starkiller
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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
Which brings me to the Darwin Awards. Have you ever heard of them? They are given to people who kill themselves off in the stupidest imaginable ways.
One of my favorite websites.

My 2 favorite stories, even though both have been proven to be fake, have to be the JATO and the 'Frog Giggin' stories. I'll copy and paste the stories if anyone is interested, but we need a new thread for it.


My favorite one is about the guy who strapped his chair into dozens of balloons (he didn't die), and the unlikely (and possibly untrue) story about the man who was going to pick up the phone late at night, and he grabbed his gun instead and shot himnself in the head.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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ROLF. That's terrible, Ric.


My personal favorite; A man wanted to commit suicide, so he took poison, got a gun and a rope and tied the rope around his neck. Then he threw himself over a cliff high above a lake. So he would be drowned, hung, shot, smashed, and/or poisoned.


He pulled the trigger on the gun before the rope caught, but his aim was off... so he missed his head and shot the rope! It broke and dropped him in the lake where he got cold and threw up, losing the poison. Then, instead of drowning, he was rescued by some fishermen and taken to a hospital...


Where he eventually died of hypothermia.

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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
ROLF. That's terrible, Ric.


My personal favorite; A man wanted to commit suicide, so he took poison, got a gun and a rope and tied the rope around his neck. Then he threw himself over a cliff high above a lake. So he would be drowned, hung, shot, smashed, and/or poisoned.


He pulled the trigger on the gun before the rope caught, but his aim was off... so he missed his head and shot the rope! It broke and dropped him in the lake where he got cold and threw up, losing the poison. Then, instead of drowning, he was rescued by some fishermen and taken to a hospital...


Where he eventually died of hypothermia.


Kind of like when they tried to kill Rasputin. Poisoned him, stabbed him, shot him, then finally threw him into an icy river where he finally drowned.

Nemo me impune lacessit

http://ttrim.blogspot.com
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Yeah, but with Rasputin he actually survived cyanide, gunshots, stabbing wounds, ect. This guy was just had incredibly unlucky good fortune.

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JATO Story: (1995 Darwin winner, determined bogus later)
The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
"How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT."

Frog GigginUrban Legend)
(1996) Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on state Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.

Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-giggin' trip.

On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck's headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. A replacement fuse was not available, but Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston (shot his intimate parts off) or we might have been dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how the accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught.

Incorrectly attributed to the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, 25 July 1996. The Gazette issued a decisive statement denouncing this story as a hoax on October 17, 1997.


Bonus- Bizarre Death: (Urban Legend)
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS, President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:

On March 23,1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to that effect, indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the descender was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide."

That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room on the ninth floor, whence the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. Thed old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
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Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.


Wow. If that is true, then it's the most ridiculous thing ever. If it's not, then WHO in their right mind would set around and think that up. Either way, good for a laugh, I guess.

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The JATO and the suicide one are false urban legends. The later one can be seen in "Magnolia".
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Wait wait wait. You mean that whole Ronald Opus thing actually was mentioned in Magnolia? That could be a whole movie in and of itself. Who the hell makes up that stuff?
"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
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Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com
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What is Magnolia? Besides a flower and a producer of fan edits?

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MagnoliaFan is a creator of fan edits. And that name is in reference to the movie. I'm not sure if MagnoliaFan as a person was around before this or not, but there is a ref made to "MagnoliaFan" in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back as one of the online personalities that J&SB beat up at the end for bad mouthing them on the Web. Dunno if he got his name from this or not.

For more info about the film... Magnolia on IMDb
"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
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Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com