A bit of British toilet humour:-
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying there for a few minutes the old man farts and shouts, "Goal!" His wife rolls over and asks, "what in the world was that?" The old man says "Goal! I'm ahead 1-0." A few minutes later the wife lets one go and shouts, "Goal! 1-1!" After another 10 minutes, the old man farts again. "Goal! 2-1!" The wife quickly drops another and, starting to enjoy herself, shouts, "2-2!" Not to be outdone, the old man strains as hard as he can to squeeze out the winning fart. Unfortunately he tries just a little too hard and shits the bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" "Half time," replies the old man. "Switch sides..."