Hal 9000 said:
And I am pretty happy with this being the crawl’s final form:

Episode VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen in secret from the ashes of the fallen Empire, plotting its return to power.

Failing to convince the New Republic to combat this emerging threat, General Leia Organa gathers allies from the farthest reaches of the galaxy to form a covert RESISTANCE.

Desperate for her brother’s help, Leia has sent her most trusted pilot on a daring mission to Jakku, where a clue has been discovered to Luke’s whereabouts…

I like the tweaks you did to the crawl. It’s not too wordy, just short and to the point.