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Post #1040520

Author
NeverarGreat
Parent topic
TFA: A Gentle Restructure (Released)
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1040520/action/topic#1040520
Date created
28-Jan-2017, 12:06 PM

I liked the ‘return to power’ better, as it is simpler, but I understand that there could be confusion about that. Instead of that third sentence being a veiled allusion to SKB, it would be better if you stated its secret presence outright.

‘Demilitarized New Republic’ is accurate but perhaps too advanced a term for the crawl.

I don’t think you need the word ‘daring’ if you use ‘trusted’ directly before it.