Here’s another revision of the crawl that I rather like. This one will probably be what I go with.
Episode VII
THE FORCE AWAKENSLuke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen in secret from the ashes of the fallen Empire.
Failing to convince the New Republic to combat this emerging threat, General Leia Organa mobilizes a covert RESISTANCE to gather allies from the farthest reaches of the galaxy.
Desperate for her brother’s help, Leia has sent her most trusted pilot on a daring mission to Jakku, where a clue has been discovered to Luke’s whereabouts…
I like this crawl, my only critisisms would be is that the middle paragraph seems to read as though it is in the present, where all of the other crawls sounded as though they were happening in the past, until the last paragraph.
Also, I’m not a big fan of the crawl using first names and saying that she is desperate for her brothers help. I think just saying that she is desperate for help, and calling her “General Organa” and Luke just “Skywalker” would fit better with the OT.
But I do like the mobilizing a Resistance bit, and calling Poe her most trusted pilot.
Just my 2 cents