The crawl is much improved from the original, excellent job! I think fractured works well enough. It’s also interesting how close some of the wording is to my old rewrite from the Scriptwriting Thread:
Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi, has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER
has risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire.
To counter this deadly threat, the Republic
mobilizes a covert RESISTANCE led by
General Leia Organa, to gather allies from
the farthest reaches of the galaxy.
As the FIRST ORDER prepares a crippling
blow to the Republic, its dark forces gather
above the graveyard planet of Jakku…