My grandfather, age 82, goes in for his surgery on Wednesday. I’m a nervous wreck, if anything happens to him, I fear it’ll break me beyond repair. I’m still sliding all over the place with my OCD or whatever it is, sometimes feeling OK, sometimes feeling like I want to secretly grab another of my pills. Work isn’t helping; it’s extremely stressful, especially on weekends, and certain authority figures cause me intense stress and are allowed to do what they do with impunity. There isn’t a damned thing I can do about it, it frustrates me, and makes the anxiety and OCD worse.

BUT there is big news. I got a hold of a psychiatrist the doctor recommended today, or more accurately, his secretary. I left her my insurance information, she said she’d call back today (now yesterday) or tomorrow (now today). I’m scared shitless, I feel like a kid on the first day of school, but I did do something. Hopefully, it was a positive step. I don’t know because I’m scared out of my mind. But I did do something.