Having taken some time to consider the crawl, I’ve worked up a second draft:
The Jedi are all but extinct, the Republic has crumbled, and the Galactic Empire’s terrible reign falls like a shadow across the stars.
Daring to oppose the imperial battalions, a bold REBEL ALLIANCE seeks to unite planets against the Empire. Division is rife, and conflict threatens to engulf the galaxy.
Meanwhile, deep in the Outer Rim, the ruthless Director Krennic has discovered the location of an old ally - one who holds the key to securing the Empire’s terrifying rule…
I’ve included this redraft in my original post, too. I reckon it’s my preferred version.