One thing the OT texts had that many of these don’t is the ability for very young children to read and understand what they are explaining. Many of these are full of unintentionally hilarious dramatic adjectives that kids wouldn’t understand and adults would roll their eyes at.
My advise is: Dial it back and keep it simple.

Also, I quite like #1, except for “dastardly director” sounds silly and “deep in the outer-rim” sounds weird and unnecessary. I think something like: “In a dark corner of the galaxy the cunning Director Krennic…” would sound and flow a bit better.