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After a night thinking things over, I believe I’ve figured out a few ways to fix the most grievous problems with this screenplay.
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Place the battlemoon in the Bajilon system with the clone fleet
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Bring SGW-0027 back into the main story
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Have Obi-Wan land on Geonosis following Operation Battlemoon/Battle of Bajilon and rescue Darth from the Raiders
This’ll allow the story to have a main villain while also tying Obi-Wan’s and Darth’s stories closer together.
The downside is I don’t know what to do with SGW herself. Between arriving in the Bajilon system and encountering the Jedi saboteurs, she has to do something. There was her ongoing battle of wills with her second-in-command and the Clonemasters, but I don’t think there’s enough of a story there for her, and I’m not going to insert her tangential flashbacks back into the script.