So how are you doing in your counseling?
My dad’s doctor recommended a guy (a psychiatrist as opposed to a psychologist who can prescribe meds), but unfortunately, he was booked up until February. I felt like since I wasn’t making the effort with the last couple that I wasn’t going to try too hard to hunt for another. But I think I’m putting too much faith in the meds. They are helping up to a point, but you’re right, I need to look into psychological help too. The crisis of faith and the OCD (or whatever the fuck it is) are getting harder to separate. I just feel like I’m fucking sick of fighting; I have no desire to get into debates with my mother or anyone else about her beliefs or anyone else’s. I pine for a few scant months ago when the sight of religious imagery didn’t send me into these spirals. Short of some method of erasing memories, I don’t see any way I’ll ever be better. That sounds overly melodramatic, but God, I’m tired of being a prisoner in my own mind. It feels like I can never be better, only distract myself temporarily. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I thought I was supposed to reschedule with my dad’s doctor (he never called back), and I’ll be honest, I’d like to ask him for an increase in the medication which is helping somewhat sometimes. But I’m going to have to face up to getting more help, and frankly, for all of the complaining I do, I sure didn’t make the effort the last few times.