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vote_for_palpatine

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Join date
8-Jul-2006
Last activity
9-Jun-2010
Posts
1263

Post History

Post
#419225
Topic
THE VFP Show: Episode #5GA2 (Network note: tonight's episode will resume after the live broadcast of the NBA Finals game three)
Time

Welcome back! My next guest is a-

Excuse me, VFP.

Yes, Joe?

I think everyone's tired of watching and not laughing, so I decided to help you out.

Oh, really? (This oughta be good)

Mmm-hmmm. So me and the boys did you the favor of putting together a totally new little comedy segment for you.

I...see. So what do you call this segment?

We call it "JMac and The Accusers' Top Ten List"!

Post
#419201
Topic
THE VFP Show: Episode #5GA2 (Network note: tonight's episode will resume after the live broadcast of the NBA Finals game three)
Time

I hate to admit it, Joe, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I get irritated with people and their little quirks sometimes. Even friends. Here's a good example of what I'm talking about - and it involves parmesan cheese.

So I go along with a friend to pick up his pizza the other day and the counter guy asks him, "Do you want some parmesan cheese for that?" For some reason, he says "No". He declined, I kid you not. Let's recap, shall we? He's got a extra large, pan-crust, four-cheese with no toppings, cheese-infused crust pizza; a pizza is chock full of cheese - he's probably going to get four or five days worth of dairy servings out of one slice. And yet he turns down the parmesan. WHY? WHAT'S THE POINT? WAS THERE ONE SINGLE BENEFIT TO TURNING DOWN THE PARMESAN CHEESE?! DID HE STRETCH OUT HIS LIFESPAN EVEN A LITTLE BY DOING THIS??

Kind of reminds me of those salad bars that have shredded cheese, bacon chunks, and pepperoni slices. I mean, if you're getting that stuff on your salad, you might as well toss out the lettuce and tomato and use biscuit gravy in place of dressing.

Post
#419198
Topic
THE VFP Show: Episode #5GA2 (Network note: tonight's episode will resume after the live broadcast of the NBA Finals game three)
Time

And finally -

Man, can't you guys pretend to like the monologue?

Anyway, Paris Hilton will be teaming up with the cast of Jersey Shore, which spares me the usual necessity of a punch line.

We've got a hell of a show tonight! bkev is (kind of) here! Leo Kottke is basically here! And you know these guys are here - Joe McCarthy and the Accusers! Guys, let 'em have it!

Post
#419192
Topic
THE VFP Show: Episode #5GA2 (Network note: tonight's episode will resume after the live broadcast of the NBA Finals game three)
Time

Hey hey hey hey hey! What's goin' on? You down with VFP? Yeah, you know me!

So...what's happening in the news? We're into day forty-nine of the BP oil spill; this has got, understandably, many concerned. Wildlife is being threatened, the economy is facing setbacks as a result of the spill, and citizens are expressing concern over the percieved lack of response from both BP and the US government. White House spokesman Robert Gibbs called for calm, saying, and I quote, "We've got one of the finest natural petroleum containment specialists available on the case."

So then, I guess everyone can rest easy...see, the guy just took it right out of the ground and they moved to...jeez, who wrote that one?

Umm...so, let's see. Oh, yeah! That's right! I forgot, Joe!

Joran van der Sloot got arrested! Seriously! Apparently, he murdered another some young woman in Peru. Strangled her to death.

Yep. And he's agreed to take police on a walkthrough the crime, but Joe, here's the funny part: It seems he's sort of subconciously admitting to the Natalee Holloway murder.

Well, they think that because when everyone got together for the start of the walkthrough, van der Sloot showed up in scuba gear.

Post
#419182
Topic
THE VFP Show: Episode #5GA2 (Network note: tonight's episode will resume after the live broadcast of the NBA Finals game three)
Time

ANNOUNCER: From downtown Victoria, Texas...

...and to the good folks at OT.com, IT'S! THE VFP Show!

Tonight: one of the great young prodigies in the history of OT.com - BKEV!!

And tonight's special musical guest...one of the great legends of acoustic guitar, LEO KOTTKE!

Plus: say hello to THE VFP Show's house band, Joseph McCarthy and The Accusers!

Ladies and Gentlemen - get off your seat and on your feet: IT'S THE VFP Show!

AND HERE'S YOUR HOST, vote_for_palpatine!!

 

Post
#418995
Topic
Fifa World Cup 2010
Time

I have no problem calling one football and the other one football.

I don't have a favorite team in football - I'm more of an anti-Cowboys fan than anything. I guess if pushed for an answer, I'm a Texans fan.

I know nothing about football, on the other hand. In international events I root for the USA, but if they get knocked out I find another country to root for.

See? No confusion there, right?

Post
#418986
Topic
Crisis Over! (post six)
Time

Warbler said:

vote_for_palpatine said:

Crisis over.

I had unknowingly set my NumLock on and it converted one of my password letter to a number.

that doesn't make sense the numlock shouldn't have any effect on the letter buttons, numlock should only effect the numbers keypad.  To prove what I'm saying,  the post was typed with the numlock turned on.

 0y c60*34ter 5s a 3a*t6*, s6 5 d6n't have a 1/-2ey. That's why when 5 act5vate n4036c2, th5s ha**ens.

Post
#418821
Topic
Crisis Over! (post six)
Time

Crisis over.

I had unknowingly set my NumLock on and it converted one of my password letter to a number. Fortunately, I found out and disabled numlock, thus restoring my writing projects, my gaming portal, and autoerotic activities.

In celebration, I will display the password as it appeared when in numlock mode:

FR5N2 S4C2S

Post
#418465
Topic
Why does Boba shoot at Luke in ESB?
Time

Coz Bobba Fett alawyas gtes his man. I think dat bobba fett is badas. Ya no what im sayin! Plus he wanted to kep Laya for hisself. U No wat I mean, coz dat shit is fuggin gangsta.

Bobba cum up in dere wif that fuggin jetpck, like YOu cant tuch this for shizzle. He froze capin solo so he could tap that bizznass. Darf Vadder cum up saying do wat u need boi, coz I want Luke Skywallker, coz Im his daddy. See darf vadder didnt want liuke back in Sith, coz he didnt wanna pehy that chil suport.

?
Post
#418402
Topic
World Cup 2006
Time

HotRod said:

Errm, they have the 'European cup Finals', that'll be in 2 years time...

 

Besides...USA, Brazil, Argentina, Japan....Not really part of the European Union....

;)

 

Oh, can you also please explain why your 'World Series handball football' is called that...isn't USA the only country that takes part??

 Oh no, HotRod - I was saying that, instead of calling it "American Football", they should call it "European Soccer". Since the word "soccer" is kind of frowned upon, then why not just assign it to American football?

;p

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