JulioTanaka

AveKender said:

Palpatine certainly is a puppetmaster, and his hand in this war will later become clear to the audience. However I made sure he does not appear until Episode II. I felt that putting him in Episode I would introduce too many foreshadowing obligations into an otherwise straightforward tale. Imagine if the following things were different about The Phantom Menace…

• Anakin is at least twice as old, maybe even early 20s.
• Padme’s at first not all that cracked up about leading a planet.
• Alderaan instead of Naboo.
• No Qui-Gon or any other Jedi Knights beyond Obi-Wan (again, they will have their time to shine in Episodes II and III).
• No Palpatine yet.
• Clones instead of droids fighting the Republic.
• Simple reason for invading Alderaan: use it as a site to build a second Clone Machine so that Atha Prime can swamp the Republic core systems.
• Start the Clone Wars right off the bat. Waiting two movies to do this was one of the PT’s biggest mistakes.

That’s what I am going for with ATG:Ep1. The “Keep it simple, stupid” approach.

I agree. A big war at the beginning and a simple story are more adapted to make a true Star wars prequel. I find your changes very good ( i’ve written a similar story with Anakin & Owen slaves ) an older Anakin …the L’s Pt should have an older Anakin. The concept of Obi-Two sounds very weird for me …but it’s cool , why not !!

Yes, for Palpatine, like ANH the story must focus on the characters , Palpy just can be mentioned in the first act.

The Lucas’Palpatine are too much. I think he can be a " puppetmaster " with less skills (for exemple : he’snt the leader of the cloners ).

Good work ! Continue.

AveKender said:

On Alderaan…

Obi-Wan floats suspended in a lightning cage, like the one in which Count Dooku confined him in AOTC. Miat Alpha paces around his catch and tells him his plan: interrogate knowledge of the Force out of Obi-Wan and then clone him in order to spawn an unstoppable army of Force-sensitive cloned soldiers for Atha Prime. During his gloating villain monologue, Miat ignites Kenobi’s lightsaber and waves it around, striking and killing one of his own clone henchmen in the process.

On Tatooine…

Padme and ZeeGee access the transmitter in the dead of night. ZeeGee inserts a data prod into the transmitter’s port (R2D2-style). Padme sends the footage to Chancellor Valorum on Coruscant along with a message imploring him to deploy the fleet to Alderaan.

Then Padme and ZeeGee start back towards Owen’s home in the darkness. She gets ambushed by a pack of alien street thugs, who attempt to pry the droid from her possession. Padme shoots one of them and takes off running in the other direction towards the junkyard.

On Alderaan…

Obi-Wan reaches out to his new friend Anakin through the Force. Focusing all of his thoughts on a distant point somewhere out in space, he finds the unique presence that he recognized onboard the freighter. It is not far from that of his brother Owen.

On Tatooine…

Anakin tosses and turns in a bunk. He receives a Force vision from Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan tells him of the history of the Jedi Knights. Thousands of years ago, before the founding of the Republic, the galaxy was ruled by a family of bloodthirsty Sith Lords. In dark avarice they visited countless injustices upon the tired masses under their control. One day a Sith baron taught one of his slaves some of the secrets of the dark side of the Force, the better to drive the other slaves into subservience. But the slave-driver rebelled and decided to use the Force for justice instead of conquest; he vanquished the baron and sparked a great uprising which eventually collapsed the Sith empire from within. Such was the origin of the Jedi Knights, and with them came the Republic which has lasted for over a thousand generations.

Obi-Wan then tells Anakin that the clones threaten to destroy all that the Jedi have built. He appeals to the idealism that he knows resides in the young man and implores him to stop the machinations of Atha Prime.

Anakin tumbles back into reality. He gasps in disbelief at what he just experienced. But there is little time to reflect, as he hears the distant drone of an approaching hostile fighter. Sounds like a Firespray-class, which means only one thing…

To be continued…

Nice. It’s a good backstory. Republic’s origin… Anakin has a true motivation to fight the clones with this Jedi’s point of view.( for the reader too : Why save the Republic ? )

However, how introduce you Palpatine in your " character-driven" story ? If i’ve well understand , he’snt
a “puppetmaster” ?

MalàStrana said:

JulioTanaka said:

Hi,

I’m new on this forum, sorry for my english’s abilities ( I’m french ).

Don’t worry: people around here are nice and will never vehemently point out and/or laugh at a few spelling mistakes…

Well ! Bon si vous êtes “nice” je continue en français dans ce cas…frog’s laugh

Rewriting MODE :

So…know how Palpatine is elected, we don’t care ,no ?
I think that Lucas’PT are too many features. At the beginning, Palpatine is already elected President and has got the emmergency power. But like ANH , it’s just mentioned by the characters.For exemple Bail Organa can be the character which make a “bridge” between characters’story and political situation.

With Organa , we will discovers that Palpy was elected by the traders barons ( yes ! traders are on republic’s side) worried by the war and…because they think take over the Senate with Palpatine as a “weak” president, Like Von Papen and Hitler during the rise of the nazi era.

In my story , it will be just a quote…like Tarkin with the “emperor disolu”… etc !

Hi,

I’m new on this forum, sorry for my english’s abilities ( I’m french ).
The clone wars has already begun. The Mandalorians warriors fight the Republic side composed by Jedi and volunteers.( Like rebel forces)
Prequel trilogy should have started with Anakin and Owen caught by the Mandalorians before the beginning of the first movie. There were slaves in a big mining facility( like the legend of Orin). When the Jedi knights free Anakin and Owen, Anakin choose to fight on the republic’side as a pilot,and Owen choose to go back to Tatooine.

It’s simple , “caracter-driven-story” and this idea makes a direct link with the Old Ben’s Backstory in AHN.

For an fan-edit it’s impossible to make this idea…of course. But for a comic-book project, why not?? 😉