Posessed, as I’ve seen some of the pits of despair you’ve been through on this forum, I find myself relating to you quite a bit. It’s amazing the things love, loss of love, or a complete lack of love can do to any person. Trust me when I say, I’ve been there. Not a decade ago, not just a few years ago, but nearly every year I have dark periods. Some days I’ll be driving to work, and I’ll think about going through the guard rail into the lake I pass by.
You know what keeps me going? It’s not the promise that something good is going to happen. It’s the potential for good things to happen. Beyond that, I would recommend trying to make your situation better. Do something you haven’t done before. Try to take up running if you’re able. Take up painting. Be happy to suck at something, and watch as you slowly suck less at it. Those little victories will enrich your life. I wanted to blow my brains out, so I went back to school.
When you eventually do start becoming more positive, you’ll be a magnet for people. I don’t care how attractive or unattractive a person is, if they are miserable, they just repel people. Or you’ll end up with somebody that tries to fix you, or change you…and that almost always makes a relationship fall apart.
By no means is this a command. If you take the advice, awesome. If you don’t take the advice, I hope you find the right path for you. An end to misery is not the start of happiness. Right now, I’m doing a lot to try to better my situation as well. We all should consider ourselves a work in progress.