DuracellEnergizer

I'd like to see what would happen if a Japanese technophile was forced to live in an Amish community for a year. 

jayne trcka*

*If you value your sanity and heterosexuality, you will NOT do what I did and enter that name into Google Images.

What about a light-cutlass?

Something I don't get about the EU -- and which has always annoyed me -- is that Mon Mothma is almost always referred to by the other characters by her full name. Never does Leia or Ackbar call her "Mon", always "Mon Mothma". Since "Mothma" is a family name and not part of her given name, it's just stupid for the others to refer to her that way.

So the mods of TFN actually alter the posts of posters they don't agree with?

I'm already an infrequent poster at TFN -- after all, what fun is there in posting on a forum where almost everyone is a PT/SE/modern EU fantard who treats you will disdain if you happen to share an opinion that runs contrary to theirs? -- but this is making me consider abandoning the site 100% altogether.    

I've actually seen both versions of Dracula. I haven't seen the alternate version of Superman II, though -- perhaps it's time I did.

Probably to test Anakin's mettle in order to gauge his potential as a Sith apprentice or some such convoluted hoohah.

Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

I can accept that the actor they hired to play Merrin looks and sounds nothing like Max von Sydow, I can tolerate the stupid CG hyenas, but I cannot -- cannot -- suffer that abysmal, braindead, born-from-the-hemorrhoidal-rectum-of-Satan abomination of an ending. This here, right here, is the reason why I cannot stand modern Hollywood anymore.

Luckily for me, I had low expectations going into the movie, so I wasn't devasted, merely disappointed and annoyed.

Why did I bother to watch this movie, you ask, if I suspected it wasn't going to be any good? Well, hearing that there were two different versions of this movie made by two different directors, I was interested in watching them in order to compare and contrast the two. Now, however, after seeing this version and reading that the other just has more of the same problems, I won't bother finishing my little experiment. 

Oh, well -- perhaps I'll find better examples of similarily different movies (if that makes any sense) to compare and contrast some another day.

Oh, yes, and before I forget -- Exorcist II is better than this movie, far better. Of course, I liked Exorcist II to begin with; its surrealness appeals to me.

5.6/10

Gwai wik AKA Re-Cycle (2006)

Let's just say this film affected me in the polar opposite way Exorcist: The Beginning did; I expected an average-to-slightly-above-average film, but I got something that, while not a masterpiece, certainly comes close to being one. Maybe I'm just biased, though; this is exactly the type of film I would like to make -- incredibly surreal, with themes dealing with spirituality, life after death, and multiple layers of reality.

9/10

A novel about Freedon Nadd would have been awesome -- prior to 1999/2002. If one were to be written now, though, a load of prequelisms would almost certainly be shoved into it, and I personally have no interest in seeing more stuff from TOTJ bastardized to reflect that garbage.

SilverWook said:

Time travel has never been part of the SW universe, (not sure about the EU) except for Luke's line to Threepio, and that was probably a joke.

Time travel's shown up a few times in the EU.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Time_travel

While I don't mind the idea of time travel occurring in the SW Universe -- and certainly wouldn't mind seeing it explored in one of the spinoff films -- I don't think it should be featured in the ST itself.

"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Nevermind!" - Homer Simpson

"The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work again." - Kang disguised as Bob Dole

"Your indolence is inefficacious!" - Charles Montgomery Burns

Now, for some non-Simpsons quotes.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick

"It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane" - Philip K. Dick

"I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams." - Hamlet

"I am very proud, revengeful, ambitious; with more offenses at my beck than I have thoughts to put them in, imagination to give them shape, or time to act them in." - Hamlet

"Baker Street" by Gerry Rafferty

Man, I really need to hear more of Rafferty's stuff. I've only listened to a handful of his songs and that just isn't right.

Oh, I don't plan to. I don't even want to visit. ;-)

I don't know ... I seem to recall reading some discussions somewhere years ago about the possibility that Plagueis was still alive. Or maybe it was about if Bane was still alive. I can't really remember. 

DrCrowTStarwars said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

I thought putting tinfoil on windows was supposed to cut the heat down, but it doesn't seem to do jack shit -- I'm still miserably hot, just in darkness instead of sunlight.

God, how I hate living in the Okanagan Valley. First chance I get, I'm moving somewhere where the heat rarely climbs above 25°C.

 I hate hot weather.  When it is cold all i have to do is put on a coat but in the summer I just have to sweat and I hate sweating.

I feel sorry for you man.

The worst thing is that the weather is only going to get hotter. In July and August, the temperatures reach the mid-to-high 30s.

It's definately some kind of Alien knockoff. The horrible acting and story kept me from noticing any styrofoam boxes, though. ;-)

Jeremy Bentham was a morbid fucker.

Inseminoid (1981)

Going by the title of this movie, I knew that it wasn't going to be anything good. Still, I expected it to be at least entertaining in its stupidity, but it was just godawful -- the acting, the costumes, the sets, the writing, everything.

Before I has even an hour into it, I just had to turn it off and find something else to watch before my brain turned to ooze.

2 transparent alien penises out of 10

Peur(s) du noir AKA Fear(s) of the Dark (2007)

I liked one of the stories of this anthology, and thought another was interesting (if unsatisfying), but the rest just didn't do anything for me at all. Still, I liked the animation, so it wasn't painful to watch (it certainly wasn't another Inseminoid).

7/10

Gin gwai AKA The Eye (2002)

While I didn't find it particularily scary, it had good atmosphere and the characters were likeable. The second half was kind of underwhelming in comparison to the first, but overall I was satisfied; it's certainly better than the pointless American remake starring that mediocre void Jessica Alba.

7/10

I thought putting tinfoil on windows was supposed to cut the heat down, but it doesn't seem to do jack shit -- I'm still miserably hot, just in darkness instead of sunlight.

God, how I hate living in the Okanagan Valley. First chance I get, I'm moving somewhere where the heat rarely climbs above 25°C.

I don't like the idea of her playing Leia in a flashback for the sole reason that Billie Lourd just doesn't look that much like her mother. So unless they're planning on using a lot of prosthetics to change her appearance, I'd rather they avoid flashbacks altogether.

As this is art rather than story, character, or content, I don't know if I should mention this here, but I have to say I love the art of Tsuyoshi Nagano, the artist who does the cover art for the Japanese editions of the Star Wars novels.

I think more often than not, his versions are better than the originals. I don't know why he's never been hired to do covers for the North American editions.

EXT. FORTRESS -- EVENING

Breaking through to face the last line of Ophuchi, Obi-Wan and Anakin come across an awesome sight; engaged in battle against six armoured Ophuchi soldiers, a double-bladed vibrostaff in her hands, is a FEMALE WARRIOR encased in violet-blue Mandalorian armour.

As two of the Ophuchi attack the female Mandalorian, slashing their wrist-mounted vibroblades through the air, she pivots on her heels, turning to the side to simultaneously decapitate one warrior while running the other through. Pulling her blade free, she twists it around as another Ophuchi attacks. As the ebon-armoured soldier throws his bladed gauntlet forward, she locks their blades together, twisting hers fiercely until she causes his wrist to dislocate. As he howls with pain she throws her leg up, kicking him squarely in the head and ending his part in the fight.

Before she can dislodge her vibrostaff's blade, two of the remaining three Ophuchi pounce, tackling her to the ground. As they pin her to the ground, the third Ophuchi retrieves her vibrostaff. As she struggles to free herself from the Ophuchi's grips, the black-armoured warrior with her weapon steps over her, raising the staff high above his head as he prepares to send it plummeting into her chest.

Unsheathing a vibroblade, Anakin activates it, pulls back his arm, then hurls the weapon through the air toward the Ophuchi with the vibrostaff at tremendous velocity. As the blade of vibrating durasteel plunges into the soldier's back, he cries out in agony and drops the vibrostaff.

Having moved her legs into a better position, the Mandalorian pushes up with her legs, somersaulting herself free of the two soldiers' grasps. With a heavy punch and kick, she lays the two warriors down before they can even take a breath. Retrieving her vibrostaff and Anakin's own vibroblade, she turns toward the two Jedi. Lifting both weapons up, she points them at the knight and apprentice.

KANNEN DOOM: It's about time you got here.

Deactivating the vibroblade, she tosses it back to Anakin. Throwing his hand up he catches it effortlessly.

KANNEN DOOM: (cont'd) I thought you were going to leave me to take the fortress all by myself.

ANAKIN: (grins) And leave you to collect all the credit? No way, lady.

KANNEN DOOM: C'mon. Let's not waste any time.

Leaving the Imperial soldiers to take on what remains of the Ophuchi Army, the two Jedi and their Mandalorian escort enter the duracrete fortress.

INT. FORTRESS/SUBTERRANEAN TUNNELS -- EVENING

A squad of ebon-armoured Ophuchi soldiers stands before the closed doors of a turbolift, watching the numbers on the readout change as the cab within descends.

As the turbolift reaches its destination, the doors slide open. Wasting no time the Ophuchi open fire, unleashing a hail of yellow blasterfire into the turbolift. Several seconds pass and then they lower their weapons.

Stepping forward, the leader of the squad looks inside the blaster-scored interior of the turbolift; there are no bodies to be found -- living or dead -- inside.

OPHUCHI SOLDIER: (turns toward his men) There's no one inside!

As he steps back out of the turbolift, the top hatch of the cab is blown inward, allow the Mandalorian and two Jedi to leap down from above. Spinning around, the Ophuchi only has time to bring his blaster up before Anakin engages his lightsaber and slices the soldier's arm off at the elbow. Kicking the ebon-armoured soldier in the gut, Nik knocks him out of the way. Then, with Obi-Wan and Kannen at his side, he makes short work of the remaining Ophuchi.

ANAKIN: These guys are just too easy. The Sal Usai of Dausarkar IV put up a better fight than this.

OBI-WAN: The Sal Usai were the product of six thousand years of carefully directed selective breeding. These fellows have had only half a millennia to season their genetic soup.

ANAKIN: Undercooked pod people. Wonderful.

KANNEN: As much as I hate to disrupt your reverie, we've got a job to get done. (points down a specific tunnel) The chamber's down that way.

Wasting no more time, the trio heads down the tunnel.

INT. FORTRESS/SUBTERRANEAN TUNNELS/ANTECHAMBER -- EVENING

Entering an antechamber at the end of the tunnel, the three compatriots find themselves facing a large vault door.

KANNEN DOOM: As good a weapon as my staff is, it isn't quite up to the task of cutting through a durasteel door. You boys wouldn't mind helping me with it, would you?

OBI-WAN: (engages his lightsaber) Let's only hope the Ophuchi didn't think to incorporate lightsaber-resistant materials into this door.

Stepping up to the door, Obi-Wan thrusts his blade into the durasteel plating of the door. With minimal effort, he pierces the thick metal and begins to carve through it. Activating his own lightsaber, Anakin moves in to assist him. Slowly but surely, they manage to cut a large hole in the thick door. Once they complete the circuit, they disengage their lightsabers and kick the freed metal out of the way.

OBI-WAN: (gestures toward the hole) Ladies first.

KANNEN DOOM: Much obliged.

Ducking down, Kannen slips through the hole into the chamber beyond. Ducking their heads down, the two Jedi follow after her.

INT. FORTRESS/CLONING CHAMBER -- EVENING

Stepping through the makeshift doorway, the trio finds itself within a vast cloning chamber. Cylindrical in shape, the chamber stretches down farther than the eye can see. Spaced along the walls of the chamber, all containing identical Human figures, are thousands upon thousands of Spaarti cloning cylinders. Catwalks lead from the walls to a platform surrounding a large power conduit situated in the centre of the chamber; standing on the platform, busy at work on a computer console, is Gog Jukassa with the white-clad Rattataki woman by his side.

GOG JUKASSA: (to the Rattataki woman) They're here already! You said we'd have more time!

RATTATAKI WOMAN: (sighs) Just continue working on the computer. I'll deal with our guests.

As Jukassa continues working on the console, the Rattataki turns and walks down the catwalk toward the three new arrivals.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: Welcome, Jedi, to our humble cloning chamber. (stops midway on the catwalk, gesturing to the Spaarti cylinders) As you can see, over four-thousand clones of Ophuchi warrior stock are in utero. Within four months they will reach maturity and emerge to serve the Directorate. (beat) Of course, that was the goal before you came here, overwhelmed Jukassa's pitiful forces, and foiled our plans.

OBI-WAN: Are you willing to surrender?

RATTATAKI WOMAN: Surrender? Perhaps. (smiles) After Jukassa takes the cylinders off-line. (beat) Every clone will die and your Imperial Army will be left without a new force of slave-soldiers to do your bidding.

OBI-WAN: (frowns) We're not going to let you kill them.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: (grins) You can try to stop me.

OBI-WAN: We won't try -- we'll do.

Bringing their weapons to bear, the Jedi and Mandalorian begin moving down the ramp towards the Rattataki. Grinning like a hungry beast, she moves her arms away from her sides, causing a pair of short black lightsaber hilts to slip down from sheaths hidden under her sleeves into her hands. Pressing the activation studs, she engages two short, pure white blades and moves to attack the Imperial agents.

With the reflexes of a darting snake, the Rattataki engages the three others, using the blades of her twin shotos to intercept their blows. Without enough room on the catwalk to fan out, the two Jedi and the Mandalorian find themselves unable to properly assault the insidious Force-wielder.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: (laughs) The Athas hold you in such high esteem!

As Anakin moves to run his lightsaber through the Rattataki, she side-steps the blade and counterattacks. Throwing himself backward, Nik barely manages to avoid losing his throat to one of her white blades.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: (cont'd) Surely you can do better!

ANAKIN: Better?

Springing up into the air, Nik somersaults over the Rattataki's head and lands behind her.

ANAKIN: (cont'd) How's this for better?

Now less encumbered, Anakin swings his cyan blade, aiming to connect it with the Rattataki's throat. Bringing up one of her shotos, the woman blocks it.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: (grins) Much better!

As the four continue to duel, Jukassa continues to work on the console. With a press of a button the main red light on the console turns to white.

GOG JUKASSA: I'm in!

RATTATAKI WOMAN: How far along are you, Jukassa?!

GOG JUKASSA: I've broken the final encryption! I'm entering the final commands to shut the cylinders down now!

KANNEN DOOM: No!

Pushing Obi-Wan back out of her way, Kannen moves to bring all the power she can bear against the white-robed Rattataki woman. Swinging her double-bladed Mandalorian iron-laced vibrostaff with the ferocity of a gundark, she makes the Rattataki work hard to intercept both her blows and Anakin's.

OBI-WAN: Anakin, stop Jukassa!

ANAKIN: (parries one of the Rattataki's strikes) But Obi --

OBI-WAN: We can take her! Just deal with Jukassa!

With a moment's hesitation, Nik turns his back on the white-robed woman and races down the catwalk toward Jukassa.

Crouching down into a ball, Kannen rolls across the catwalk, kicking the Rattataki in the back as she passes her. The Rattataki stumbles forward but manages to right herself before she can topple into Obi-Wan. Grinning, she locks blades with both the Mandalorian and the Jedi Knight.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: You're an excellent fighter, Mandalorian. We could use your stock to make billions of warriors just like you. Why don't you join us? With our help the Mandalorian civilization can live again.

KANNEN DOOM: I'd sooner see every Mandalorian alive tossed to the pit.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: Pity.

Pushing downward, the Rattataki forces the blades of her combatants down against the catwalk.

As Anakin reaches Jukassa, the lord-commandant turns to face him, an expression of rage on his face.

GOG JUKASSA: You think you can stop me, boy?! My mother was of the soldier class! Warrior's blood flows through my veins!

Reaching to his side, Jukassa unsheathes a vibrosword. Activating it, he brings the blade up then brings it down to cleave Anakin's skull in twain. Casually, Anakin brings up the blade of his lightsaber, effortlessly slicing through the metal blade as it collides with the cyan plasma.

GOG JUKASSA: (stammering) B-b-but --

ANAKIN: Face it, Jukassa, your enhancements just don't work.

Balling his hand into a fist, Anakin punches Jukassa in the face. The man's glass jaw breaks easily and he collapses to the platform out cold.

Back on the catwalk, the Rattataki sees Jukassa's defeat.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: (enraged) No!

Feeding on the dark side of the Force, the Rattataki woman increases the intensity of her attacks on Obi-Wan and Kannen. Kicking Obi-Wan back, she turns on Kannen and locks the shaft of the vibrostaff between the blades of her shotos. With a twist, she wrests the weapon out of the Mandalorian's hands, sending it over the side to fall straight down out of sight. Before Kannen can compensate for the loss of her weapon, the Rattataki stabs her right through the left kidney.

OBI-WAN: Kannen!

Springing back up, Obi-Wan rushes toward the Rattataki woman. Pulling her blade free from Kannen's side, the Rattataki pushs the Mandalorian woman down and then turns to engage Obi-Wan. As he swings his azure blade in a downward arc, she intercepts it with her left-hand shoto. Forcing his saber down, she then brings her right-hand shoto up, slamming the pommel of the weapon into his temple. With a groan he collapses to the catwalk in a stupor.

Refocusing her attention of Anakin, the white-robed woman leaps over Obi-Wan's form and comes running down the catwalk towards the Jedi apprentice. As she reaches him he spins around, catching her twin white blades with his single cyan one.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: You should have stayed home, little man. This is no place for younglings like you.

ANAKIN: (cocks an eyebrow) Youngling?

Knocking her blades out of the way, Anakin headbutts the white-clad Rattataki woman, forcing her to reel back.

ANAKIN: I hate being called a youngling. Kid? Sure. Child? Maybe. But youngling? Never. I'm a sapient being, not a dewback's cub.

Recollecting herself, the Rattataki sneers.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: What you are is dead!

Lunging forward, the Rattataki begins making a series of strikes against Anakin. In little time, she begins to drive him back. Locking his blade in hers, she pins him against the power conduit. As she looks upon him, she grins with salacious desire.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: I'm going to kill you, but not right away.

Leaning forward, she licks Anakin across the face.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: (cont'd) First, I'm going to have some fun.

ANAKIN: Fun, huh? I thought your kind couldn't experience that kind of fun.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: We can't. (beat) But we can compensate in other ways.

ANAKIN: I see. Put on some synth-leather, strap me into some energy-binders, and power up the lightwhip. Am I on the right track?

RATTATAKI WOMAN: You're dead centre.

ANAKIN: Well, that's not exactly my scene, but I'll try anything once.

At that moment, Obi-Wan moves in up behind the Rattataki. Grabbing her by the shoulder with his left hand, he brings the emitter of his inactive lightsaber up to her throat with his right.

ANAKIN: (cont'd) Just not today.

OBI-WAN: I suggest you surrender now, my dear.

Sighing with resignation, the Rattataki takes her shotos away from Anakin and deactivates them.

OBI-WAN: (takes his hand off her shoulder) Alright, now step away from him and drop your sabers.

Moving back away from Anakin, the woman steps away from them both. Downcast, she lets her left-hand shoto fall to the platform.

OBI-WAN: Now the other one.

RATTATAKI WOMAN: (grins) Do you really think I'd let you take me so easily?

Laughing, the Rattataki brings up her remaining shoto. Before the two Jedi can bring up their sabers, she turns the emitter of her weapon inward and engages it, running herself through on the white plasma blade. Collapsing to her knees, she releases an almost sexual sigh. She then falls face-forward onto the platform.

Bending down over the Rattataki, Obi-Wan grabs her by the shoulder and turns her over. As he reaches for her throat to feel her pulse, the veil encasing her head slips back, exposing a barcode tattooed onto her forehead.

OBI-WAN: (looks up at Anakin) She's dead.

ANAKIN: (looks down at the Rattataki dispassionately) Clones. They never change.

Even flow
Thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh, he don't know
So he chases them away

Someday yet he'll begin his life again
Whispering hands, carry him away
Him away, him away

The Witches (1990)

Decent movie, incredibly poor ending.

7/10

Outland (1981)

I've never seen Prometheus, but I'm certain this film works better as a spinoff of Alien even if it isn't meant to be one.

7.5/10

Happy Birthday to Me (1981)

The only reason I wanted to watch this movie was for the actress Lesleh Donaldson. Of course, her character dies within the first six minutes and I'm stuck having to watch a 110 minute movie about unlikeable douchebags that could have been good had it been at least half an hour shorter and without one of the worst twist endings I have ever seen put down on film.

5.5/10

Getting touched by a beautiful woman like that is almost worth having all the cells in my body ruptured.