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CWBorne

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Post
#1081846
Topic
Star Wars Episode III: Broken Forces
Time

Well folks, I know its been a long time, with far too many delays, but Episode III writings have finally begun. Work and my own creative struggles have kept me from getting some real progress, but this summer season has really put me in a good mode for getting these ideas out, and I hope I can once again get these updated regularly. This is a bit of a humble start in regards to the first post; don’t expect any long updates like the first act of a Galaxy’s Fury was for while.

Overall this is going to be a bit of a different beast in terms of tone compared to the first two episodes; the action will be there, but its a bit more drama with elements of thriller this time. Might get full blown operatic come the third act, but I’ll try to keep the elements grounded in character as I hope I’ve done thus far.

Once again, my apologies for the long wait, my gratitude for your patience in waiting, and my hope that you’ll enjoy the final ride in Star Wars Episode III: Broken Forces:


Opening crawl details the reversal of fortunes for the Coalition as the Republic has gradually turned the war around largely driving the Mandalorians and their forces back to their home star system. Republic controlled territory is still is gripped by fear of clone Jedi infiltration as areas in the Outer Rim are struggling to recover from the loss of life and resources. Pockets of resistance still remain on war torn planets as Jedi and a newly efficient Republic army fight to liberate the last occupied worlds in the devastating conflict that is the Clone Wars.

Camera slowly fades to a huge devastated battlefield , destroyed bits of various land and space vehicles littering the landscape. A lush green sky contrasts heavily with the piles of ruined brown and silver wreckage dominant on the ground. In the distance movement is heard mixed with the noise of occasional explosions and large blaster shots.

Cut to a vast and open underground bunker, where thousands of Mandalorian shock troopers are gathered. Their armor and equipment has seen better days, clearly repaired and patched together from whatever they could gather. For the first time since they’ve been seen by the audience, the faces of the Mandalorians are not steely eyed or lusting for battle. They’re tired, with some grim determination resembling the former intensity typical of their kind. A token amount of clone soldiers stand awaiting orders. Only thunderous bombardments raining down above break up the somber silence.

The commanding officer present gets their attention and launches into a monologue about their history. Initially bringing up the outnumbered enemy forces, she waxes about how they’ve been the conquered people of the galaxy and they’ve been masters of it; through it they have lived on because their will to battle has never ceased. “We have died millennia ago, we have died yesterday, and when we step out, we may very well die today. But let there be no doubt, our people and our enemies will remember us tomorrow!”

A cheer breaks out as the rallying cry appears to lift some spirits. She looks out over the assembled mass and passionately concludes her speech, “Jedi have the will of the Force and these Republic cowards think victory is fate. History will write that every fighting Mandalorian standing here made their own. So go to your destiny. Not for victory, not for defeat; for the fight!”

Chants of “For the fight!” roar out as the shocktroopers pull their weapons out and move in formation, only small artillery weapons breaking up the endless lines of soldiers. They gather facing a large door and forcefield combination at the end of bunker, ready to exit out into the tunnels and out onto the battlefield. The aforementioned commanding officer stands near the front, her own weapon tightly gripped for the final battle about to come as the forcefield begins to slowly go off.

That’s loudly interrupted by a pounding explosion on the ceiling, shaking the whole building. A few of the troops (including the commanding officer) break their concentration look above but seemingly see nothing. A tense silence passes for moment when deep cracks in the ceiling appear. Small bits of the building begin to fall as the cracks spread and before they can do anything the bunker begins to cave in.

Immediately alarmed, the commander tries to order a retreat outside; its futile and within seconds the large army is crushed underneath an endless onslaught of dense metal and soil. A single shocktrooper near the front almost gets out, but doesn’t get far enough and is buried under the collapsing rubble. A wide shot of the collapse from the tunnel show the only surviving element of this Mandalorian force; a single blaster.

Cut to kilometers away, outside a makeshift settlement ,where a Republic officer of some rank calmly observes with a pair of binoculars. Seemingly satisfied, he speaks into his communicator and reports that while they need to verify with a deeper scan, it appears this latest bomb did the trick. An oddly familiar voice responds, pleased at the news and tells him to utilize it again for any other suspected underground bases on the continent.

The officer assents and as he walks back into camp the camera shows him nonchalantly stepping on small piece of battle debris; a faded and forgotten bit of battle armor with the Mandalorian symbol.

Cut to a young humanoid Jedi on the same planet some ways away overlooking the destroyed section of a city. Its a metal and concrete jungle, impossible to tell the original shapes of most of the buildings. One of her troops walks up and tells her they’ve discovered nothing significant in the most recent sweep. The Jedi nods and replies that she doesn’t sense anything significant. She tells the soldier to leave a token force in certain areas, but to recall the rest back for new orders.

Before she can finish, he suddenly stops and looks behind herself in the distance. The soldier’s confused and asks if something’s wrong. The Jedi stares intently at the sky and mentions there’s Republic bombers headed their way. He suggests they’re probably doing reconnaissance, but she’s not convinced. She pulls out her communicator and asks the local HQ if there’s a bombing raid planned for their location.

She gets dead silence. As the nearby officer begins to get visibly nervous at the prospect of bombers getting closer, she loudly asks if there’s a bombing planned for the area. Again getting no answer, she shouts for HQ to respond. After an agonizing pause, this time a crackling is heard, and a distorted sound lets out a few indecipherable words at first. Soon a clear male voice replies they need to maintain code in case of enemy surveillance.

She quickly cuts him off and yells to cancel any bombing raids for at their location now, repeating the phrase even louder. Through his own binoculars the officer finally sees the crafts for himself and realizes she’s correct about their presence. Seconds tick by as he looks back and forth between them and her, awaiting either the Jedi’s orders or the bombs to drop. Neither makes a noise; only the steady roar of the bombers in the distant sky is heard.

Just as they pass high above, HQ’s voice breaks out on the communicator, repeating to that the raid has been aborted. The officer nearly sits down out of relief, and even the Jedi briefly closes her eyes, grateful at the news. Headquarters explains there was a mis-communcation about coordinates and apologizes, asking about the status of her people. She explains that they’re fine, and they’ll discuss the matter later. HQ understands and cuts out.

Danger now averted, the officer is still a bit shaken by the near destruction. She asks if he’s alright. “I’m not afraid to die”, he replies “but killed by your own side; what’s worse than that?” She considers the question herself.

“I don’t know.”

This post has been edited.

Post
#991679
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Very much appreciate the feedback S-Snake88. Glad to know that I’m hitting some good checkmarks as far as a solid Star Wars story. To answer your questions:

Nellith’s lightsaber is green. I really dig the idea that Luke’s color becomes an internal callback to a prominent Jedi of the past, and his role in bringing Anakin to the light recalls Nellith finding her way back.

The large scale station is not the Death Star, though in a broad sense the latter clearly drew upon designs and specs from the former. Its less than half the size of the Death Star, with the general concept being that the nature of Republic designs and schematics are already subtly reflecting the future Empire.

Agewise its roughly like this circa episode I:
-Anakin and Carima are in their mid 20’s.
-Kenobi and Darelda in their mid 30s.
-Bail is late 30s with Crayde around 40.
-Phakerem, being both a Mandalorian prone to stitching herself together with various parts (a character trait that’ll expand upon in future revisions of Episode I and II) is fairly long lived, and is at least 200.
-Palpatine is middle aged… seemingly.

On that last point its never overtly said, but there’s hints that Palpatine is a bit older than quite anybody realizes, and he’s possibly been waiting for some time for an opportunity to gain a high position. Near the end of Episode III when all possible opposition against has dissipated, in private his face begins to show signs of being older and decrepit, suggesting that illusions about maintaining a more youthful facade are no longer necessary now that he’s achieved absolute power. Come ESB and ROTJ, we see that he’s wholly embraced what his age and use of the Dark Side has turned him into.

Post
#976045
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Chromer, I’ll likely be splitting time between fleshing out elements in the Episode I scriptment and developing initial ideas for Episode III. After the the adventure story in Son of the Suns and the war movie in A Galaxy’s Fury, Broken Forces will be part tragedy, part thriller, so it’s gonna take a while to get the broader pieces set in my head, even before I actually start writing it out. Once all three episodes feel fleshed out in their scriptments, I’ll start turning them into screenplays.

Dloomys, I’ll definitely add a scene of Fordala and company being picked up by the rescue ship, and perhaps a dialogue scene with him and someone in the epilogue if it doesn’t break the pace too much. I heavily considered going with the “name of the first fallen Jedi” angle, but ultimately concluded that Anakin would view himself too much as a hero to goi with such a name, even ironically. Him taking a title and gradually corrupting what it stood for ended up feeling so fitting to his character that I felt it was the perfect end image for Episode II.

This post has been edited.

Post
#975895
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Good eye on that Ben/Nik error Chromer, I’ve since fixed it.

JHodges, I might end up putting Bracett into Episode II in a minor role; she wasn’t consciously excluded, there just weren’t any scenes where she came to mind in terms of use.

In regards to the future, in all likelihood its going to be either details and revisions to Episode I (which feels more bare bones to me after some of the more descriptive stuff in Episode II) or beginning initial story layout for Episode III. Possibly simultaneous work on both, we’ll see.

Post
#975859
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Well folks, its been several years, numerous late nights, countless hours of writer’s block, and a ridiculous amount of caffeine, but Episode II finally concludes. To everyone who’s commented and messaged me about the story, you have my infinite thanks for keeping me going on this. Just working on this Episode alone has been fun, hilarious, exciting, infuriating, and even a little weird; and it draws to a close now. I can’t give any kind of definitive time table on when and how Episode III will get going as there’s a bunch of stuff I need to formulate for that, however I hope you’ll all come along for the journey and see all the future updates and revisions that are to come. Once again thank you, and enjoy the end of A Galaxy’s Fury.


On the streets Kenobi attending to various injured Jedi and immediately senses something terribly wrong in the Force, unsure of what’s happened. He directs his attention towards the only source he can think of and looks at Nellith, who stands some distance away, lost in thought. Hints of the earlier rage and new shame are apparent on her face and she can only manage his look briefly before looking away.

Fighting back the pain, Carima watches as Nik cuts away the heavy weight and frees her from the debris before tearing off part of his shirt to band the injury on her arm. She wobbly manages to sit up as he finishes, and the two look at each other, seemingly unsure of what to say. Skywalker begins to say he’s sorry before she cuts him in a passionate one armed hug and the two quietly embrace each other as the camera pulls out, revealing them as one of the few unbroken elements the amidst the destruction of the battle.

Inside an emergency transport vessel Phakerem sits blank faced as high ranking Mandalorians and others are in a frenzy around her. As the ship exits the atmosphere she briefly looks at the window viewscreen, watching as Republic forces now taking the planet back. Slowly and silently she removes the mechanical implant on her face, exposing her non-functioning eye injured at the end of the last film. She stares at the implant; countless what if scenarios playing out in her mind as the ship jumps to hyperspace.

Its Bail Organa who watches that and many other ships move off the planet, ordering the fleet to let them go as they need to focus on the neutralizing what’s left of the ground forces. He’s told they’re getting several high coded messages from the capital, including Darelda and with an emotional sigh of relief he relays the word to get her and others on relief ships as soon as possible. A small montage follows as the the three pairs left (Kenobi/Nellith, 81/Darelda, and Anakin/Carima) react to the relief craft appearing to pick them up.

Wipe to the damaged but still intact Republic Senate Building where President Palpatine overlooks the half ruined capital, overflowing with small construction vehicles and medical vessels. While frowning at the devastation, there’s a subtle hint of satisfaction and odd hope in his eyes. His viewing is interrupted by the arrival of Darelda who’s let in by his security. He’s immensely pleased to see her in person again, saying he’d feared something terrible after the initial battle reports.

Organa tells him it was just that and worse, adding that’s why she wants to see him. The senator mentions that they’ve both seen the suffering the war’s brought; from the food lines, refugee relocations, prisoners of war, all the families on endless worlds that have lost someone they care about. He sadly nods and says its an all too common pain in the galaxy and that everyone’s felt it. She calmly counters not quite everyone. He’s intrigued and says to go on.

She explains that they may have turned the tide, but if the Senate remains as blind and indifferent as its been, then they will have won this war for nothing. A fact which Darelda says would dishonor the sacrifices she’s seen. “I watched some of Republic’s greatest guardians get massacred like common animals. I never want to see that again.” At that, Palpatine nods. “Indeed not.” He inquires what she’s proposing. “Maybe the Senate can’t be clean, but I have to believe it can function again… with your help.” She gets a warm smile from the man as he walks in close. “Let’s see what we can do.”

Cut to an old, former Jedi temple on Coruscant where Nellith observes several hundred Jedi gathered. Ben walks up, silently standing next to her. There’s a beat before she speaks first; “It never fully goes away.” He slowly looks at her, understanding what she means; still whispering it out loud to remind himself: “The dark side.” Korusya continues, detailing that that most of the time its just a faint whisper in her ear, a shadow just out of her sight, but that it’s always there and always will be.

Obi-Wan nods, and says she’s managed to control it hundreds of years of her life and that one weak moment doesn’t erase that. Nellith raises an eyebrow and asks if he really thinks that’s all there will be. His confidence doesn’t waver and he tells her he believes in that, even if she doesn’t. This mollifies her somewhat and she shifts the conversation to the clone Jedi, saying the one who got on their ship wasn’t like the others here. Kenobi agrees, suggesting it was likely designed for infiltration.

She reflects on the implication, extrapolating that there’s likely countless other subversive Force clones out there, ones not likely beaten by a simple mind trick. The gravity of the situation weighs on Ben, stating that its going to be difficult to find them and we’ll have to trust in the Force to tell the difference when it counts. To his surprise a bitter laugh escapes Nellith’s lips. “Oh we’ll know Sir Kenobi, but I wonder, will anybody else?” Ben has no immediate answer as she walks off.

Not too far away, Nik and Carima move through open street tunnels on Coruscant. With a frown, she stares at her now part mechanical arm, giving it some test movements as she walks while he attempts to cheer her up. “Hey, at least you kept your hand, not everyone’s that lucky. I actually think it adds to your look.” Nivir is unimpressed. “Please don’t make me regret saving you.” Anakin tells her not to worry as he’s got her something to take her mind off of it. She sarcastically asks if its a mechanical leg to match.

She gets her reply as the two walk over to a large abandoned lot and see small but well made triangle shaped vessel, surprisingly clean given the state of other ships in the area. He casually gestures to it, “Not quite a cargo ship, but I figured you could get some use out if it. She’s happily surprised and deeply impressed. “A T-15 Skyhopper, I didn’t think they still even made this model. This your idea of a thank you, Skywalker?” He shrugs.“I prefer to see it as an engagement present.” She’s outright confused for a moment before she figures out what he means and stares at him dumbfounded.

That’s exactly the look that gets a proud grin on his face. “You said my marriage proposal could use a little work. What do you think of this one?” The disbelief lingers just for a moment before she happily kisses him on the mouth and holds his face in her hands. “You ridiculous, handsome, shorted sighted fool!” He smirks. “You did say handsome right?” She laughs and pecks him on the cheek. He says he has to get to the temple, but will meet her back here. “Provided you don’t take of with this thing before I get back." Its her turn to grin. “I think I’ll manage” Skywalker warmly nods and heads off.

Before he reaches the main hall of the temple, Kenobi meets him in the hallway, face curious. “Well?” Nik confirms that she said yes and Ben is thrilled, giving him congratulations on his upcoming marriage. More serious than he lets on, the older man asks if Anakin’s thinking about the possibility of children. The latter’s eyes go a little wide. “Let’s not go crazy, just yet.” Obi-Wan tells him they don’t want to keep those inside waiting.

On the way there, the younger man’s face falls a bit and starts to talk about how he’s not sure if he deserves this whole ceremony and almost describes how something happened during the mission, but Kenobi softly interrupts and mentions that Nik was right. The Jedi need to be on the front lines and furthermore with the new kind of clones the Coaltion’s resorting to, its up to the likes of them and Nellith to step up and lead. Ben appends that’s what this event’s really about, the Jedi in there need to see an example they can follow, and that’s Anakin.

They’re words that rock the latter to his core and when Obi-Wan if there was anything else about the mission Skywalker wanted to mention, he’s initially quiet before finally replying; “No, you said all that needed to be said." Kenobi blithely slaps his old friend on the back, oblivious to the subtly forced nature of Nik’s reassuring smile.

In the old temple grounds, a diverse group of aliens watch a stoic Anakin on his knees in front of an old and hunched over female Twi’lek. In surprisingly booming voice she announces that it is always an honor to award knighthood to Jedi that have earned the rank, but that they are greatly privileged to grant another high honor to one who has lived up to the sacred ideals they have striven towards for milennia.

She continues, stating that’s why they have gathered here in recognition of his role in freeing and protecting the Republic in the most dire of times. Kenobi looks on, expression full of pride while Nellith watches unsure, sensing something more in the air than just an uplifting celebration. The Twi’lek Jedi continues with her speech, activating her lightsaber and safely knighting Skywalker near his shoulders.

There’s a small internal struggle, but the same quiet determination as before settles on Nik’s face as she finishes. “And so Anakin Skywalker you are now recognized as a Jedi Knight and as spoken in the ancient Jedi tongue awarded the title of Highest Guardian: Darth Vader.”

The End

This post has been edited.

Post
#972625
Topic
BillionaireHobo Sequel Trilogy and more
Time

I think the more restrained Ren fits there, because that sort of rage beneath the surface seems more dangerous and already has a viewer wondering in the back of their mind, what’s he going to do when he really lashes out?

As far as the black comedy, it can work even with the context of the villains (what does one call the “apology accepted Captain Needa” scene from ESB if not calling for very dark laughs?), its just a little riskier in an opening because you don’t want the audience too comfortable in associating that tone with the antagonists unless its a consistent element.

With the First Order and their presence as a threat, I think the visual and symbolic shorthand is really potentially effective tool in demonstrating that. I’ve mentioned the example in ESB, but ANH as well paints the picture of what the Empire is with just with the Star Destroyer engulfing the Tantive IV and Vader surveying the dead Rebels on board.

The image you suggested in the opening crawl could be the key to selling why the Snoke’s forces are dangerous right now. Maybe we see images of the New Republic now scrambling to maintain order and the Resistance struggling with supplies and coordination (perhaps via surveillance/security video Hux and company are watching if you still want a villain opening) and then we cut to the First Order and it is organized, it is well maintained, and it is disciplined. One overt visual contrast and we immediately know that in a sea of galactic chaos, this is the group that is still in deadly control of itself. They lost their base/weapon, and not only haven’t they not fallen they’re still running like clockwork.

Finally as it pertains to Snoke, I don’t know your full story; it feels like there should be some kind of intrigue to his order of taking out Luke. Perhaps its something involving Rey or some weakness of Skywalker’s Snoke thinks he knows, but “evil overlord ordering destruction of one of the heroes” is such a standard scene in fiction like Star Wars that one kind of needs to have some sort of pizzazz or hook to keep the audience fully interested.

This post has been edited.

Post
#972031
Topic
BillionaireHobo Sequel Trilogy and more
Time

Kylo feels like he should be more active and the “miserable wreck” angle feels a little too played up. Force Awakens had the audience wondering who this person was, and I think it might work if the question is now “after killing Han and being beaten by Rey, what does he do?” Granted there’s potential in the scorned and pitied Ren gradually changing/evolving over the course of the film, but him appearing this, well, pathetic this early might be a bit of a turnoff to the audience.

Not helped by there being no real threatening hook with Hux or Snoke to really sell the threat of the First Order in significant fashion. It doesn’t have to be a typical “villains demonstrating how evil they are over the heroes” scene either, just something that really sets the tone for what the antagonists are in the rest of the film. Like in ESB, the scene with Vader sells the Empire’s scope with Star Destroyers/Executor, his intuition in finding the Rebels, and the subtle dismissal of lesser officers like Ozzel. From that you know the Empire is still dangerous, Vader obsessed with Skywalker, and get an idea of Darth’s place within the Imperial order.

This is just the opening, and there’s plenty of places to go from it, but for the first scene with the antagonists, Snoke laying out Ren’s failures and little else other than talk of more training just doesn’t seem like it grabs an audience all that much. Just my take, though.

Post
#970203
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Whew, some late night writing yields real results as the third act essentially reaches its climax. Its largely cooldown epilogue stuff after this, and I can’t say with any certainty if I’ll get it knocked out in one update or two. Glad to finally finish this huge portion and as always appreciate the feedback you guys have given. Enjoy.


Cool eyes ahead, he stares forward and calmly commands the clones to stand down, still keeping his lightsaber in hand. Nellith is bewildered by this turn as is Phakerem who initially laughs at what appears to be an absurd tactic. Both their moods change as they seen the effect on the clone Jedi, who begin demonstrating the same internal struggle as Obi-Wan clone while the real Kenobi continues the mind trick, telling them the battle is over.

Still not believing what she’s seeing, the general angrily orders her forces to attack, however only a few can even get a few steps forward before they stop; looking almost sick with indecision about what to do. Korusya looks at Ben, her expression revealing a gradual realization and quiet acknowledgment about his strategy. Their gazes meet ever so briefly and she immediately senses what to do, closing her eyes and silently mouthing “the trick” herself.

The effect is soon seen all across the battle as Jedi battling clones pick up the phrase one by one and put it into action. Mandalorian soldiers are thrown off as they see their support suddenly paralyzed into inaction, allowing their foes to start breaking the stalemate. In a wide shot from above the shift in the battle is considerable, with Coalition forces moving back, Jedi moving forward, and the clones haphazardly staying in place, assisting neither side as they continue to break down. Phakerem tells her shocktroopers and clones to stay their ground, with few heeding her words.

On the roof, Carima runs through the wreckage and again Crayde fires a shot. This one counts and with a loud crash the debris falls over and pins her down, with her body covered from the waist down. She struggles to push the weight off and pull herself free, and almost succeeds, but it proves too heavy and she’s trapped. She sees her blaster is still close and she desperately reaches out for it, fingers grasping the handle when her arm is shot, making her scream out in pain. We see Draezin stroll over to her, weapon trained; “A noble effort, would you care to try it again?”

The sounds gets Anakin to look away from the battle on the surface only to find the Obi-Wan clone has somehow gotten himself close, both of their positions parallel to the the edge of the building. Nik starts to raise his hand again for another command, but the other man points lightsaber close to cut off the attempt. The created Kenobi’s eyes, now fully desperate and growing more unhinged by the moment, briefly flicker to the deactivated lightsaber in Skywalker’s hand. Its a given the latter likely won’t be able to get it on in time and for a second the clone is determined again.

That disappears as the madness returns, with his sword hand shaking in anxious terror, and his eyes darting back and forth between his prey and the streets far below. Nik’s face is a mix of subtle horror and concern as he watches this copy of his friend and mentor fall to pieces before him. The clone begins to violently shake his head and almost speaks. Anakin quietly reaches out to him, hand extended in friendship not command: “Ben…” and watches in shock as the clone closes his eyes, and throws himself off the building.

Skywalker watches him go down and then quickly turns his head away, not wanting to see end of it. He sits down, breathing hard and almost in tears before he remembers Carima and heads off to help her.

Cut to Bail Organa’s squadrons and regiments forcing the Coalition forces into widescale withdrawal all over the planet. Phakerem is informed of this on her radio and has little reaction, in disbelief at the sight of her clone project going up in flames as the various replicated Jedi succumb to insanity, a few even rendered catatonic by their condition. One of her lieutenants yells they have to get to one of the few retreating freighters that’s close and the general is uncharacteristically silent, quietly following his lead to the direction of the ship.

The agony continues for Carima as Crayde sadistically kicks her blaster away and puts his foot on her hand, further exposing the deep wound on her arm. “As brave as you are stupid. Tell me, does it feel worth it right now?” Nivir gives him the most hate filled glare we’ve ever seen from her, with Draezin just grins at. “I have to say, Skywalker didn’t prove to be very engaging,” he aims the blaster at her other arm, already anticipating the pain to come “but who knows, perhaps you will.”

That question is never answered as a lightsaber blade cuts the blaster in half and a hard punch to his face knocks him to the ground.

Carima watches in surprise as she sees Anakin standing tall his face enraged and jaw clenched. She yells “Nik!” out to him, however his attention is all on Crayde and be begins delivering a hard series of kicks, making him pitifully roll away a bit with each blow. A few more hard blows and even a few strong stomps have Draezin gasping in pain and for air, resorting to a slow crawl away on all fours as he tries to recover.

Eventually managing to get himself awkwardly sitting, he notices Skywalker; the latter with his lightsaber ready, clearly waiting for the man to give him a reason to use it. Crayde gets a brief glance at the battle going on around them, finally seeing that the Republic is indeed winning the battle. He looks up at Anakin and can say only one thing. “I surrender.”

There’s a beat as Anakin briefly takes that statement in, before giving his own reply of lifting the ex-Senator up by the neck and growling for Crayde to repeat what he just said. Struggling to breath a bit, Draezin reiterates that as Chancellor of the Coalition, he is formerly surrendering as a prisoner of war to be taken into their custody. He adds that it is Skywalker’s duty to escort him to his superior officers to be handed over to Republic officials.

The young Jedi can’t believe it and asks if really expects to be a prisoner after everything he’s done; even asking why he doesn’t think the Republic won’t immediately execute him for his crimes. His typical confidence comes back as Draezin points out he’s far too valuable to get rid of. He knows the Mandalorians in and out, has knowledge of Phakerem’s war plans, has the keys to helping the Republic win the war and save countless lives in the process.

Anakin’s face gets more downcast as the reality of the man’s words become clear. Crayde continues, summing up the situation. “You know I’m right, don’t you? It doesn’t matter what I’ve done, a man like me is the best chance your side has to win. That imperfect little Republic of yours that you want to save, well here’s your chance. So just be the good soldier you’ve always been and do what has to be done.” The young Jedi has a thousand yard stare as all the recent events that brought him to this choice run through his mind.

Still trapped, Carima calls out to Nik again and upon hearing her voice, Skywalker’s face now becomes one of cold conclusion. He deactivates his lightsaber and just as quickly picks the other man up with both hands and walks over to the edge of the roof. A horrified Crayde screams in despair, begging for mercy. “Stop! You’re a Jedi, you have to do what’s best for the Republic!”

“As you wish.” Anakin throws him over the edge, and watches the man plummet to his death.

Post
#963206
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Sorry for the wait everybody, did not want to post anything till I had some real meaty content to roll out. I’m hoping (but not absolutely promising) to finish the second half of the big climax next time, with one or two updates for the post battle epilogue stuff. Without further ado, the conclusion of Episode II continues:


Skywalker is shocked silent for a few moments, looking at Crayde with disbelief, muttering that there’s no way they could have done this. Draezin clarifies that its remarkable what one can salvage from a crash site on Tatooine; parts, weapons, and even a small sample of blood from an injured Jedi. He looks the clone over. “Its a crude one of course, no brain scan for complete reproduction, but I think it’ll do.” He takes step back, stares a hole through Anakin, and utters a single command.

“Go.” At that the Kenobi double activates not one, but two blue lightsabers and lunges towards Anakin.

Back on the streets, Phakerem’s forces strike first, with small bits of debris telekinetically thrown towards the Nellith and company, with most cut down and the others doing little damage. The initial soldiers on both sides clash in a storm of sabers and gauntlets as Mandalorian shocktroopers don’t hesitate in joining the fray. Very quickly the fighting shifts as Jedi on both sides Force jump to levels of varying height, transforming it into an outright three dimensional engagement.

Some distance away 81 asks Darelda if she’s sure about this plan. She tells the droid they’re in enemy sights either way, they might as well make themselves small targets of ships than big targets of soldiers. He nods and tells her to hold on tight as she clings tightly on his back. With forceful but precise movements HX begins to punch small holes in the side of the building to climb it, gradually carrying himself and Organa up.

Fighting close to each other, Nellith and Obi-Wan work together in perfect sync as both fight off Mandalorian shocktroopers. The former shows off better skill with a lightsaber than the latter, even demonstrating small but significant use of telekinesis in conjunction with the blade. During a small break from the fighting, the two spot Phakerem not too far away with her clones taking out several Jedi. After a beat the General’s eyes meet Ben’s and she quickly gestures to her forces to move in. Koryusa and Kenobi ready themselves, as the camera focuses in on the small sparks coming from her fingers.

All over Coruscant the larger battle rages on as Republic ships and troops begin landing on the planetary population centers en mass, with Coalition ships and mixed regiments of Mandalorians as well as clones scrambling to form defenses against them. His ship within the atmosphere but still far from the surface, Bail Organa orders massive bombardments and specific artillery attacks. The latter proves immediately effective against the still largely immobilized and ill placed planetary artillery.

Cut to Skywalker just barely dodging swings of the Kenobi clone’s blades and rolling away. The replicated Jedi adjusts his movements and starts to get in close. Nik is still trying to make sense of this. “Listen Ben, if there’s any part of you that’s like the man I know, you know this is wrong. Whatever they’ve tried to make you, you can fight it.” The clone responds with another attack, this time a horizontal and vertical swing of his two lightsabers, which comes within a hair of cutting Nik as he dodges to the ground.

This is only a momentary reprieve as the clone continues to stalk after him. Thinking quickly and still not on his feet Anakin attempts to pull the lightsabers from his enemy’s grip, yet the Kenobi creation holds on, using the Force himself to keep them in hand. The attempted disarming makes him more aggressive as he attempts to stab Skywalker outright with both blades as the latter desperately rolls away to avoid each thrust. Each move gets him closer and closer to the edge of the roof.

Cut to 81 continuing his ascent on the building, slowing down only when they begin to get fired on from the ground. Darelda will have none of that, holding onto the droid one armed while she uses the other to grab her blaster and fire at their attacker, hitting them after several attempts. The coast now clear, he resumes the climb.

Back below Phakerem and company are finally close to their prey. At first it appears she’s going to say something to them, but instead merely smiles and attacks. Before her forces can overwhelm him, Koryusa moves in with her defense, immediately taking out one of them before they can react. Ben remains focused on the General, his mood much more combative since their last battle on Alderaan; contrasting with her more controlled and confident manner. Not concerned about the odds still being two on one, Nellith engages both of the clone Jedi left, clearly anticipating many of their moves.

Its a different story for Skywalker who is forced back to the edge of the roof by the clone, both lightsabers pushing inching closer and closer. Crayde watches nearby clearly enjoying himself and awaiting the Jedi to either be cut to pieces or fall to his death. Now close enough the created Obi-Wan raises both sabers and readies his attack as Anakin looks back and forth between him and the distant ground below

Before the killing blow can be made, a blaster rings out a shot which the clone instinctively deflects with the blade in his right hand. Its a perfect distraction however as Anakin knocks the other saber out of his hand and while it flies in the air, pulls it to himself, turning the odds even. An infuriated Crayde looks to the source of the shot and sees a bit of Carima as she hides back behind the ship debris. Eye practically twitching, he grabs his own blaster and fiercely moves to deal with her. Some of his confidence back, Nik readies himself as he and the clone clash.

The clash on the surface continues with the General finally speaking to Ben, mockingly saying as she battles that he should be happy given that the galaxy will have Knights to protect it once again. Emotions only somewhat restrained he angrily asks how many sentient lives the Coalition will enslave, how many twisted creations will they make before Phakerem and her like are satisfied. She iterates that they’ve done what the Mandalorian’s have always done in turning the weak into the strong.

As they battle she continues, pointing out the clones are what the warriors of the Force should be, what they were always meant to be. Obi-Wan doesn’t hide his disgust, saying all the Coalition’s done is corrupt the innocent. Nearly striking him with her gauntlet, she corrects him that they exist to fix everything wrong with the galaxy; “the people, the state…” She gestures to several of Kenobi’s dead allies, “…even Jedi.”

From her spot, Darelda watches aghast as she sees various Jedi cut down in the fighting, eventually unable to keep watching and turning away. As she holds her head in hand, though unsaid, its clear from her face this battle has changed something in her.

Circumstances have changed for Nellith who finds herself encircled by now half a dozen clones with lightsabers in hand. She glances around and sees no allies close, including Obi-Wan some distance away now. Seeing how wholly surrounded she is, Korusya knows there’s only one option. With a deep breath she closes her eyes and holds up her lightsaber above her head with one hand. While her foes initially hesitate, they soon move in for the kill.

Right when they are within striking distance, a sudden flash of blue lightning comes from her hand striking all of them and throwing the entire group to the ground. Quick cut to her eyes which show a slight discoloration not there before. The following wide shot shows the clones not quite recovering, abundantly not ready for this display of the Force. It gets the attention of Ben and Phakerem, both shocked by what they just witnessed. She gives him the briefest of contemptuous looks before running towards Nellith to deal with the Jedi herself, Kenobi quickly following.

The clone is still giving Anakin a fight, even as both men are armed. That and the worry about what’s happened to Carima keeps him in a stalemate against the created Obi-Wan, neither man giving up any ground. When he takes his attention briefly away to see what in the debris Draezin just fired at, he nearly loses his hand from a close swing, leaving his wrist somewhat grazed. Instinctively, he jumps back to regroup.

This is unnoticed by Carima who carefully shuffles from one destroyed pile to another, doing everything to avoid Draezin’s sight. When Nivir spots him, back turned she readies her sidearm to hit him, only for his blaster shot to hit the pile of debris near her, causing some of it to fall over and almost crushing her. She soon hears his footsteps coming towards her and Carima makes a run for it.

Hearing Crayde in the distance shout at her (with sadistic anticipation) to show herself as “Skywalker deserves a show before he goes!”, proves to be to much for Nik. Eyes furious at the clone now charging towards him and fist clenched, the enraged and frustrated Jedi screams “Stop!” To his complete shock his enemy does just that, confusedly halting, just out of lightsaber range. This baffles Anakin at first, before he quickly comprehends what’s going on.

Peace coming back to him he relucantly deactivates his lightsaber, waves his free hand, and calmly states “You don’t want to fight me.” The clone doesn’t nod, but does seemingly understand. Skywalker follows with commands that the Jedi are not their enemy, that he should deactivate his weapon, and put it down. Its seemingly effective, yet before the replicated Ben can go through with the latter order, he hesitates. Within a few seconds, the clone’s hands start shaking and Anakin sees the man’s eyes begin to twitch.

Nik repeats the command, though its clear something has gone wrong with the created Obi-Wan, who stressfully holds the side of his head and is seemingly at war with himself in the act of giving up the lightsaber. Skywalker takes this chance to get close, but the other man holds up his weapon in defense, some part of him still in attack mode. Falling to his knees, the clone struggles to compose himself and for the first time looks up, not with murderous determination or confusion, but desperation and madness. Anakin anxiously moves away and checks on the Jedi in the streets.

Cut to Phakerem catching up with Nellith who upon seeing the infamous Mandalorian quickly engages her. The two meet each ferocious strike with their own ferocious strike, as gauntlet and lightsaber hit one another hard. The general gets out a quick remark on her making for a better clone than Kenobi, with Koruysa remaining silent. Ben himself then arrives just as the previously electrocuted clone Jedi begin to recover in the background.

Already realizing they’ll soon be surrounded once more, Nellith moves herself away, and readies her lightning again, only for Obi-Wan to tell her no. She looks at the younger Jedi defiant, and he implores her that the Dark Side can’t win this. She roars that they don’t have a choice, as there’s no other way. “Its this and we live, or nothing and we die.” Even as Phakerem and clones start to come forward, he yells there has to be another way. She is unconvinced. “Like what?”

Kenobi gets his answer as he looks above and sees Anakin’s skyscraper in the distance. On that building, Skywalker is in fact looking in his general direction and immediately we see the Force connection between the two reestablished, as Nik says quietly to himself and his mentor: “Mind trick Ben, the mind trick.” With a slow turn back towards Phakerem and her clones, Obi-Wan quietly understands.

This post has been edited.

Post
#947366
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

We finish our set pieces, get the proverbial chess board ready, and finally, finally set up the Act III confrontation I’ve been dying to do. Next update, its showtime.


Back on Coruscant, its utter chaos all around as Anakin and company reach the top of the building, seeing several ships having already taken off. In the distance various ships fly around, battle, and are shot down. After blasting the lock on the elevator Skywalker spots a a small travel craft still left that various soldiers are running towards. He and Carima stay back as he orders the platoon to get a hold of it and they do so, bringing down the enemy troops before they board and (seen via a quick cut to inside the ship) quickly take out those inside.

On his communicator Nik gets the clear from his lieutenant for him and Nivir to board and they cautiously begin to move forward before a large blast from out of nowhere strikes the roof, coming within a hair of hitting the ship itself. Anakin and Carima fall back in shock, and soon enough see that it came from an enemy vessel, a two clone piloted fighter with three wings leading a small squadron of similar fighters. Bewildered, she asks why they’re attacking their own ship, and he mutters one of the soldiers on board must have gotten a message out before they were killed.

Skywalker begins to relay his command, and after Nivir gives him a heavyhearted, but understanding look, orders his platoon to take off and get away safe. The lieutenant loudly protests they won’t leave without him and the Jedi yells that they have risked their lives on his behalf for the last time today and that they have their orders. There’s a half second pause and with clear sorrow in his voice, the lieutenant agrees to obey. He and Carima watch silent as the ship gains propulsion and rapidly speeds away from the battle.

Just as quickly several of the clone fighters move from the squadron to chase after it, with one staying behind. Exposed in their current position they find cover behind a destroyed passenger ship in pieces on the roof as the sole fighter gets in close, its twin guns already firing on their position. All around the pair is dust and debris as the two keep their ears covered and eyes closed, waiting for the moment the cacophony dies down. It does so just briefly as the fighter moves past the building and begins to turn around for another pass.

Faces dirty and both breathing heavy, Anakin and Carima look at each other, sharing exhausted grimaces as the reality of the situation hits them. With only silence he lightly grabs her hand and gives it squeeze as the two ready themselves for the second attack. He however starts to sense something and looks up to the distant sky, expression curious at what’s coming. She starts to ask what he’s looking at and gets an answer as tumbling through the sky is a Phakerem’s ship with Kenobi’s still attached. This proves to be a distraction for the fighter which also spots it and breaks off from its attack.

On the Jedi ship, Nellith screams that they need to break off and with uncharacteristic joy 81 replies that they’ve finally got the field control working and hits the switch. And indeed the smaller vessel finally manages to break off just as it passes by the high rise, smashing into and destroying the clone fighter when it attempts fire. This comes at a cost as the ship is thrown off by the collision, and is still falling towards the surface. The Mandalorian ship manages to stop its tail spin but is also still descending.

In a wide landscape shot we see the vessels hit at an angle very hard, both taking out several small one and two story buildings as the ground is torn apart by the respective landings. Despite the bedlam of the battle, the crash is still terribly loud, with even Nivir and Skwyalker high above reacting to the sound. Following a quick check to see if there are any other enemy crafts coming, they make their way over to the edge of the roof and look down, seeing what’s left of the wreckage.

What’s left is not much, with the Mandalorian ship broken in several pieces; the front still intact and the rear section totally smashed to bits. Ben’s vessel some distance away fares slightly better, still intact but bent and malformed all over. On what’s left of the bridge the entire crew is down, as even Ben and Nellith are almost knocked out by the crash, with the two just barely getting to their feet, battling grogginess the entire way. Giving herself a moment to recover, offscreen she activates her lightsaber allowing her to cut open a hole in the wall we see her walking out of.

Obi-Wan meanwhile attends to the others nearby, checking up on several Jedi who are also recovering. A few feet away Darelda’s eyes open and she finds her body carefully cradled on the ground by HX, who appears to be powered down. Before she can try and move his emergency backup hits and the droid reactivates. Seeing she’s alright, he let’s her body go as Ben makes his way over to help her up. Kenobi says they need to see how bad the rest of the damage is and 81 examines the wreck around them.

“Well, if nothing else I’m told any crash one can walk away from is a good one.”

They glance down at his lower body and react. Briefly confused, he then realizes what they’re looking at as one of his legs is destroyed beyond repair. She manages a small smile. “I’m pretty sure protocol will demand that be called a hop, not a walk.” 81 sighs and dryly responds. “Protect Senator Organa they told me, she’ll be forever grateful by your service, they told me.” Darelda lightly laughs and he’s helped up by the two of them and once on his working leg, leans against the wall for support.

Confident that everyone in the immediate vicinity are alright, Obi-Wan walks out of the hole Nellith created and the others (including 81 using some small debris as a makeshift crutch) follow. They step outside and immediately witness the chaos of the current battle. Kenobi is relieved to see other surviving Jedi slowly coming out of the crashed ship and notes Nellith’s position several dozen feet away. Once next to her she points to the figures in the distance far away from them. He can’t actually see it, yet with the Force he knows what’s there.

What’s there is in fact is an alive and confident General Phakerem, with her own surviving Mandalorian shocktroopers by her side as the destroyed ship lays destroyed behind them. She keys in a code on her communicator and gets into contact with a specific location on Coruscant and gives a single command. “Send the neutralizers in.”

Back on the roof, Anakin and Carima sit near the wreckage, and she accesses their situation. “Trapped with no stairs, no elevator, and no ship. We’re just the biggest fools in the galaxy aren’t we?” Nik begins to say with a shrug that they’ve always been that, however he stops when he sees a very familiar ship come close and rather than fire at them, land carefully on the roof. He tells Nivir to stay where she is and moves to check it out. A tired frown spreads over his face as he sees two figures come out, the second in a hooded robe and instantly recognizing the first as the current chancellor of the Coaltion.

In contrast to their first encounter, Draezin Crayde does not smirk. His face is coldly furious, and he gives the Skywalker all the contempt he can muster which actually somewhat amuses Anakin.” Funny thing about that pending execution Chancellor; turned out not to be so pending.”

The other man stares back and speaks with a bitterness he’s not displayed before. “You’re a self righteous tool of the Republic, but I’ll give it to you, you stayed quiet, kept your group secret, and even pulled off an escape. The loyal soldier through and through.” Nik gives a sarcastic nod of acknowledgment. “Good to know an uncaring lowlife dictator still allows room for humility in his life.”

Crayde ignores the comment and continues. “You’ve taken away my full victory, but I’ll be damned if you take my spoils too. The general wants another Jedi clone, and for once, I’m inclined to agree with her.” Anakin goes stone faced and tells him a clone is no Jedi. For the first time that night, Draezin’s face brightens. “You lack faith in our abilities Skywalker, let’s fix that.” He gestures to the nearby hooded figure who activates a blue lightsaber and reveals his face, utterly shocking Anakin.

Nellith and Ben stand ready as their numerous Jedi allies come by their side, watching as the small Mandalorian army walks towards them. Korusya readies her lightsaber as small one person pods land near the General. Out of them emerge cloned Jedi, all with weapons and all with the same distant and unnatural look their eyes. General Phakerem gets her energy gaunlets ready, flanked by two Jedi clones that do the same.

On the roof, from Anakin’s perspective the camera zooms in close to reveal Crayde’s soldier, who’s expressions are inhuman and machine like, but otherwise is a perfect biological replication of Sir Obi-Wan Kenobi.

This post has been edited.

Post
#946812
Topic
Why the prequels shouldn't be about Anakin and Obi Wan
Time

To me there is a freedom and opportunity in how one answers those questions. With Anakin and the original trilogy, all we know is that he was seduced by Palpatine and fell to the dark side, with some general comments about his friendship with Kenobi and status as a pilot. A good story can take those very base elements and craft an interesting examination of characters and settings with it. The story of Vader becomes what makes a good man go bad, same as what makes a Republic turn into an Empire.

Look at something like Godfather Part II, which while only part prequel is brilliant at giving Vito Corleone a detailed history which defines not only his character, but also serves as an effective contrast to that of Michael’s. The base concepts of what Episodes 1-3 wanted to do are not flawed in and of themselves; seeing where Anakin zigged where Luke zagged, getting an idea of what the Jedi were prior to the purge, and providing a window into what conditions allowed Palpatine to grab power. Their failure lies in the execution and answers to those questions being illogical, trite, or unrelatable to viewers.

Yes, the original films benefited from mystery and imaginative world building, but it also spoke to an audience because they connected to the characters. Leia was a strong (literal) rebel fighting for what she believed in, Luke a rural kid with big dreams wanting to make something of himself, Han the cynical wiseass with a hidden compassionate side to him. The prequels didn’t work to a great degree because they simply couldn’t create engaging people the audience was capable of getting into. Anakin moves from darling kid, to bratty teen, to murderous Sith, without ever feeling a person, doubly so with Padme who’s basically the generically good love interest to him and who exists to marry him, give him some kids, and get out of the way via dying.

Lucas was guilty of over-explanation with the prequels to a point, but the idea that no explanation of Vader and others would suffice strikes me as a copout, and ignores that many pieces of media and television have detailed the backstories of major and enigmatic characters, and still made it work because the meat lied in the journey not the destination.

Post
#944634
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Didn’t want to do a general update without something to show for it, so here’s a little space battle material before we get to the meat of the planetary stuff. Work’s finally calmed down again, so with any luck I’ll have the Jedi vs. Clones showdown (including both Anakin and Obi-Wan) coming very soon. Its not much, so no pressure on feedback as its really just the action set piece needed to get the other big players on the planet. Nonetheless, enjoy.


In space Phakerem’s craft is targeting large scale Republic cruisers close to the planet, pounding several of them with shots, demolishing at least one. On board the general points to Bail Organa’s cruiser in the distance, easily identifying it as the flagship and ordering the crew to prepare its firepower for its destruction. Her second in command states the move will scatter the Republic fleet and she responds that even if it won’t, its one less cruiser to land troops.

She begins to order specific weak points to target before the entire ship is hit hard from the side, almost knocking over everyone except the general; thrown off balance but quickly catching herself. As the crew try to regain their composure, she demands to know what happened.

From the outside we get the answer as attached/wedged perfectly to them is non other than Kenobi’s ship, which even in its new position is still firing its own shots at passing enemy vessels. Inside it, Darelda informs the others that the magnetic field’s not going to keep them bound for too long, though 81 brings up that until it does, no enemy vessel’s going to be inclined to fire on them and risk hitting Phakerem. Organa asks about Republic ships striking them when aiming for the Mandalorians, and the droid replies its a small possibility.

Back on her ship the general herself is quickly informed of the situation and is told to go to lightspeed. She angrily refuses at first, defiant at the prospect of fleeing the battle, but reluctantly relents when told the Jedi ship will be either torn apart or forced to detach if they do so.

Cut to Nellith and Ben on the bridge sharing a look after both sensing the same thing via the Force, with the latter verbalizing their realization that the enemy is about to go to light speed. She says if they break off fast, they’ll have some time before the ship is able to come back from hyperspace, however her expression betrays that she has another idea in mind, one Kenobi quickly and quietly picks up on. He tells the lead navigator to blast the side thrusters at full.

We quickly see the effect as the whole entity begins to jerk in various directions in unwieldy fashion, being thrown off by the unexpected propulsion. The Manadalorian portion tries to regain directional control, all while on the bridge Phakerem’s crew tries to begin the preparations for light speed, struggling with the spatial instability. Just as it manages to get itself steady, its hit hard by a direct shot from a passing Republic cruiser, damaging one of its engines and singeing the Jedi ship in the process.

On board Obi-Wan and company feel the force of that blast. Darelda shoots HX a look, who admits “In my defense, small doesn’t mean impossible .” Ben asks if they can detach from the enemy, but is told the hit knocked out some of the controls and its not possible to do immediately. Nellith spots the same Republic ship coming for another pass and warns about the attack about to come.

That second approach indeed happens and Phakerem is ready, commanding a defensive attack that destroys the cruiser, but not before it gets yet another shot on the engines, severely weakening its strength. The bridges of both vessels are pictures of chaos as the two respective crews attempt to recover. With steady directional control not only lost, but even more unstable than before, both the Mandalorian and Jedi ships being to fall into a combined tailspin towards Coruscant.

From afar on the flagship Bail watches the aforementioned sight shocked, yet quickly breaks out of it when looking at the scanner and seeing that openings have started to appear in the planetary defense. The trademark Organa steely determination takes over and he commands the fleet to start landing troops.

Post
#920345
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

As I said, this is a more minor update in comparison to the one from the weekend, but the character stuff felt worth posting given the action heavy portions recently. I don’t know exactly when or what size the next update will be, however it will be relatively soon and will transition the focus of the invasion from above Coruscant to directly on it. As always, thanks for the encouragement and feedback.

Phakerem watches the power outages on Coruscant aghast and begins to dictate that all of her ships are to prevent any Republic vessels from landing, however she’s cut off by a report that Jedi cruisers are beginning to appear out of hyperspace. Silent and shaking with frustration, through gritted teeth the general orders half of the Mandalorian fleet to halt the invasion and the other to engage the newly arrived cruisers. She’s asked about the lone Jedi ship still heading for them. Composure somewhat regained she replies, “If they get close, we give them everything.”

On that lone Jedi ship, Darelda says she can’t believe they (Anakin and company) pulled it off. Kenobi says there’s something to be said about having an amazing apprentice. HX pips up and suggests they save their compliments for when Anakin’s there and when they’re not currently at risk at being utterly annihilated. Nellith agrees and states the lead enemy ship is still the biggest threat to the landing fleet even if the Mandalorians attentions are divided. Ben asks what she recommends and gets an instant answer. “Let’s divide them further.”

In the lab, Anakin almost has the energy scalpel close to him, with neither doctor noticing. One of the two looks around the room anxiously, still panicking about the power outage, even though the emergency lights are on. Slightly eying the nearby entrance, the other tells him to calm down and that they’ll have to put Skywalker in stasis and do the procedure later. The first vigorously refuses and yells that he’s not taking the risk and they’re better off just finishing the Jedi off and getting out of there.

Outraged at the suggestion, the second tells him that both Phakerem and Crayde will destroy him even if he does, but the nervous one says he doesn’t care. A shouting match starts to ensue, but is interrupted when both hear fire from outside the room. The clone troopers at the door quickly move to see what’s going on, leaving the formerly arguing pair to draw sidearms and turn their backs on Anakin as the blaster sounds get closer.

Such a distraction proves to be well timed as Nik finally gets the energy scalpel activated with the Force and cuts through his restraint and in a few seconds is free from the table. Before the closer one can react, Skywalker jams the tool into the former’s shoulder and as he cries out in pain, grabs the man’s blaster. Anakin manages two quick shots which is all he needs as both doctors are soon down. He starts hearing someone coming in and, preparing for the worst, readies the weapon. In walks none other than a very wired and determined Carima who is ready to shoot until she sees the person in front of her.

The two stare at each other in silent and shocked disbelief for a few seconds before both put their weapons down. Nivir’s face turns a sore frown as she points an accusatory finger at him and says that “Your little distraction stunt on the building was thoughtless, dangerous, and proof positive you’ve lost your mind”. Anakin’s eyes go wide and he replies with indignation that “You risking everything to come here for a what I presume is a rescue was not only against what I said but also the most self-destructively stupid thing you possibly could have done.”

There’s a slight beat with the two still looking at one another before the they can’t help but start smiling. Nik closes the distance first, and “God, I love you” passes from his lips before holding her in a passionate kiss. The loving embrace last a few seconds before they separate; foreheads still touching and a few joyful tears coming from both. Carima breaks the silence. “Right back at ya, flyboy.”

A few moments later the two walk out into the hallway, the rest of Skywalker’s platoon elated to see him alive and well. After being handed a spare blaster he gives them thanks for the rescue and says he’s pretty sure he can overlook them disobeying a direct order this time. “Fingers crossed that the higher ups are as forgiving as I am.” The lieutenant confirms after Anakin asks that Fordala indeed knocked out the power center and they overheard Coalition soldiers saying the planet’s being invaded.

Carima utters that Republic plans appear to be on schedule and Nik replies if that’s the case then Organa’s probably landing the fleet as they speak. He adds that they have to get out of here and one of the platoon tells him that the lower floors are likely crawling with staff and soldiers by now. At that Skywalker says the roof might be their best chance, especially since they’ve spotted small ships land there before. As he leads them to the elevator he mentions they might have to blow a hole to get there, but should be fine provided they haven’t burned through all their thermal detonators.

He doesn’t notice the platoon shooting a look toward Carima who sheepishly speaks up right before they turn a corner, “Well, yeah, about that actually…”

This post has been edited.

Post
#918947
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Kadeos, I’m hoping to do another update Monday or Tuesday (detailing the rescue of Anakin, the showdown between the Jedi ship vs Phakerem’s, and the change in the Battle for Coruscant) as my work next weekend will likely be hampered by Easter Sunday activities.

DLoomys said:
By the way can you answer me a question that I have for some time:
How are Skywalker and Kenobi physically? I have some doubts about their appearance, for example their hair styles. I already know that in this episode, Anakin takes shorter hair than in the previous episode, but in the previous episode the only thing I know is that he has the dark hair and that he’s tall, I don’t know if his hair style was similar to Luke’s in Episode IV and in Ep.II he has a similar hair style to that of the first seasons of the Clone Wars Series(2008)?
And as for Obi-Wan, I don’t know if he’s wearing the hair style of the original Episode II and then in Episode III he will take the hair style of the original Episode III or he has that hair style of the original Episode III, for all your prequels?
Thanks and I look forward to see the next part.

Kenobi has a ponytail and stubble in Episode I with Anakin having roughly the hair length of Luke in ROTJ. Both men have close shaved hair in Episode II (not a buzzcut, but quite short), in reflection of the war tolls, and Ben is already growing a goatee. Come episode III Obi-Wan looks not too dissimilar to Ewan McGregor in ROTS, and Anakin has his hair longer again, about equivalent to Luke in ESB.

This post has been edited.

Post
#918817
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Well believe it or not, I’ve actually kept up my pace and have a new update, with two small bits of news. First I added a scene of HX and Darelda in the October update (just a small character bit which will build towards Organa’s conclusion in Episode II). Also I’m hoping to have a small but significant update within two days. Thanks again for your interest and so the Act III action continues.

Cut to a large fleet of Republic ships quickly making their way towards Coruscant. On the lead ship is a tired, but clearly determined Bail Organa making his last pre-battle orders. He gives a small speech to the fleet, telling them that they’re not just fighting for the occupied territories, the people back home, or fellow troops; they’re fighting for future generations. “Today, we start ending this war and we make damn sure its that last one our children ever have to see. Get in your attack positions and may the force be with us.”

Lying on the floor of his cell still exhausted, Anakin surveys the room looking for any sort of escape method. He pulls himself up and looks through his prison window and spots two guard soldiers a few meters away. Powering through the pain, he tries to use his powers to pull their blasters over, but a finds himself distracted by something in the Force he doesn’t understand. His second attempt via a Jedi mind trick begins to have some success, with one of the guards beginning to talk of letting him go.

However, again he perceives something off around him, sensing strange voices and thoughts he can’t place. Any other attempt is rendered moot when a small squad of elite clone soldiers arrives and when he doesn’t initially obey their commands, knocks him to the ground with a stun blaster. The group lifts him up and begins to escort him off.

In his home, Crayde is amused watching a recording of Anakin’s torture session. He’s about to pour himself a congratulatory drink when the highest alert alarm goes off He’s quickly disturbed and on a communication screen a clone officer says that Republic ships are in the system and on their to the planet. A small bit of dread beginning to appear on him, the Chancellor inquires how many ships and is soon told its a grand fleet.

Out of his element for the first time in a long while he stammers out an order to call for reinforcements and to get all planetary defenses ready. Before he leaves, Draezin looks at his torture video once more and upon seeing the defiant face of his recorded victim, quietly puts the pieces together. He spits out a hateful echo of the name Skywalker before ordering for his personal shuttle be readied to take him to the cloning lab.

In space, the battle begins with Republic ships taking on the initial Coalition defenses. The former has some initial success, with the Mandalorian and Clone forces caught relatively unaware and scrambling to create some type of organized defense. Admiral Organa orders the fleet to not focus on specific targets and to disable as many of the enemy ships as they can even if they can’t outright. destroy them. He emphasizes they need to create holes in the defense to land on the planet and to decrease enemy presence before reinforcements arrive.

On the Jedi cruiser, the ship is just about to come out of hyperspace and Kenobi tells everyone they’re going to fight their way through whatever of Phakerem’s fleet are there and join the Republic attack. Darelda can be heard quietly whispering for Bail to be safe with 81 giving her a slightly awkward supportive embrace on the shoulder Ben shares a look with Nellith, whose cold distant eyes briefly bother him before he turns back forward.

They come out of hyperspace and immediately sees none of the heavy Coalition vessels; just small planetary ships in the distance and friendly forces, including one close to them. Organa in half dis-belief/half delight says they beat them to the punch, only for a large and ugly Mandalorian battleship to immediately enter the field of view and destroy the nearby Republic ship with just a few hits.

The general’s ship itself now blasts its way into the system from lightspeed while on the bridge, Phakerem’s fears are quickly proven when she sees the Republic forces making their advance. Just barely containing her rage, she orders the what’s arrived of her fleet to halt any progress by the enemy. One of the crew asks what they’ll do about any reinforcements likely coming from the nebula, she makes it clear they’re to be ignored as long as possible, iterating that she is done chasing Jedi.

As more of Phakerem’s forces begin showing up out of hyperspace Kenobi and company are silent and horrified except for Koruysa’s scant words, “Let the rains fall.”

Cut to an elevator door opening and out stepping various small Republic soldiers, guns trained. At their rear Carima looks carefully around and then back at her scanner. She says they can’t stick around as Anakin’s position is moving quickly for the first time in hours and she wagers its not for anything good. The lieutenant says they have to assess the threat on the floor, and Nivir replies they’ll do exactly that, just very quickly. Almost but not quite running, the squad goes down the hall.

After turning a corner they immediately run into a small group of Mandalorian scientists and guards, shocked at their arrival. One of the latter attempts to draw a weapon, but the squadron shoots him down and very soon the hallway is a mess of fleeing bystanders and blaster fire. When the smoke clears, the Repuplic soldiers are left standing while various Mandalorian bodies lie on the ground. The brief silence is cut by a loud alarm going off all through the building. Carima curses and yells over the alert to move.

As his shuttle flies through the air Crayde overlooks the chaos on the surface of Coruscant, and is reassured by the sight of ships launching and planetary cannons/blasters firing into space. His communicator goes off and he’s informed that defenses are holding, yet there have been reports of possible resistance activity. His former anger rapidly returning, in a huff he shouts that their being invaded and to deal with the resistance later. Despite the protests on the other line, he repeats his orders and tells the shuttle pilot to increase speed to the skyscraper.

Admiral Organa watches grimly as the battle momentum begin to shift with more Coalition ships coming from Coruscant, inability to land any ground forces, and their own vessels being blasted by the planetary cannon. He checks if any more reinforcements have arrived and the officer at the scanner station says only a few Jedi ships have shown up. Bail’s second in command recommends a tactical retreat as an option, but after a half second hesitation, says “We stay until its over.”

Both Nellith and Kenobi are giving out various orders on the bridge of the cruiser; her focusing on their offensive strategies and Ben on defensive maneuvers. Even 81 is at a scanning station relaying information to both Jedi while Darelda is assisting with communication as best she can. Korusya tells Obi-Wan an direct assault on Phakerem’s ships has to be done to create a hole for the Republic fleet. He notices the fire in her eyes as she talks and he sternly agrees.

Quick cut and camera zoom on Phakerem’s face as she sees them head directly for her. Barely a flicker of reaction on her expression, she tells all Mandalorian ships to keep on the Republic offensive and orders that all available planetary fighters to focus their fire on the Jedi ship. She turns away from the view with one remark. “No more legends today.”

In a medical lab, Anakin lies strapped to a table while a pair of slightly nervous Coalition doctors prepare for the cloning process, while the clone soldiers guard the lab door. One of them says they need to draw the blood sample, however the other responds inducing brain death has to take precedent to mitigate the Jedi’s risk factor. Skywalker’s eyes betray his growing panic, only for him to spot a small energy scalpel in the corner. Once again he tries to reach out with the Force.

As the alert constantly pounds in the background, Carima and the squadron find themselves pinned down in a firefight not too far away. A dozen coalition soldiers blast at them behind a force field which quickly turns back on when they attempt to return fire. She shouts that they have to get past them, and the others tell her with the forcefield, there’s nothing they can do. The lieutenant starts to say they may have to retreat, and Nivir screams a passionate “No! We have to save him, somehow, some way we have to get-” She’s cut off by the room going dark.

Very quick montage follows of Obi-Wan’s group, Phakerem, Bail Organa, and Crayde all reacting to the same significant sight: lights going out all over Coruscant.

The source is the power center which Fordala watches with a tired smile as timed detonator after detonator destroys the facility, complete with other resistance members adding their own fire with propelled missile launches. Not content with just observing, he throws his own explosive into the middle of the fray, doing even more damage. Satisfied, he looks up views Republic soldiers in rocket packs making their way into the top of the already shaking structure.

At the top the other half of Anakin’s original platoon plays their part, quickly eliminating the small group of guards stationed and within a few seconds decimate the back up power supplies left there. With the the whole building beginning to fall apart they quickly escape the way they came and from a long shot, explosions start going off all over.

Above Coruscant, the faintest smile emerges on Bail Organa’s face and to himself mutters “Well done, Major Skywalker.” He orders ships to start landing on the surface as soon as holes in the Coalition’s fleet appear.

In the skyscraper corridor, the emergency lights come on, yet the forcefields after a few sputtering attempts, quickly power down. Seeing this, Carima briefly closes her eyes in gratitude and soon enough the squadron starts firing. The panicked Coalition soldiers are forced to retreat.

This post has been edited.

Post
#916246
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Much thanks for the observations ChRomer, I’ve edited the previous entry to remove the redundant sections and changed Trukiz to Fordala (slight error in the find and replace function).

As far as Jedi uniform, there not too dissimilar to Obi-Wan’s in the 70s Marvel comic: http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090112053641/starwars/images/a/a3/Obiwan_silent_drifting.jpg>

Basically the uniforms of Jedi Knights and students of Knights largely vary in color and emphasis. Less experienced ones with more colors becoming more and more one solid color the more experience they get. Obi-Wan largely sticks with that dark blue and Anakin with a gray gradually turning black.

As far as Phakerem, its a mix between Fett’s armor and something very similar to Taung. Various Mandalorians also look pretty hideous too, being stitched together from various parts; a visual metaphor for the unnatural nature in contrast to the Jedi and frightening preview of what they plan to do to the galaxy. They’ll take it apart and put it back together in the idea of improving, no matter what the cost or horror involved. Its not something I’ve brought up because I plan on eventually rewriting Episode I and II to bring it up.

Post
#916196
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

That’s right folks, finally an update after all time. I have no excuse for the delay; work and various other things have taken up my time, but part of its also the third act being more action heavy plot elements (getting characters from point A to point B) which is also trickier for me to write than the character focus and dialogue work which I love doing. I’ve also edited my previous update as well, inserting the confrontation between the Jedi and the Mandalorians outside the nebula and Phakerem’s realization about the former’s plan since I finally figured out when I wanted the scene to happen. The tone of Nellith’s scene with Kenobi has also been altered, as her sad lament felt less impactful than an undercurrent of cold fury which feels like it adds greater stakes.

I know that that the following new material is not the big update a lot of you (and myself) were hoping for, but I do feel like I’ve got my momentum back, and hopefully this can be a small preview of the Episode II conclusion that I’m going to try and have regular updates on in the next couple of weeks. Thanks again for your continued interest in this silly little project of mine, your feedback has been invaluable (and great motivation for finishing it), my apologies for the long delay, and without further ado, the continuing story of Star Wars Episode II: A Galaxy’s Fury.

Cut to resistance forces near the power center, lying crouched. From Fordala’s communicator, Carima asks Fordala how quickly before Coalition troops are alerted to the plan. He replies not much time, but adds that they do have the benefit of the Mandalorians not expecting an attack this suicidally stupid. She replies “Trust me,you’d be surprised at how well that works as an advantage.” The older soldier brings up that none of the resistance can afford to help her if her rescue plan goes south.

Cut to Nivir hiding among various cruisers. With acceptance settling on her face, she tells him that if they’re in trouble no amount of help will make a difference. Fordala mentions when the time’s right they’ll launch the attack. He sighs.“You know if we all make it out of here, I swear that boy of yours is getting a hit right to the face.” Without a beat she answers back, “Get in line commander, I owe him that honor first.” There’s a small scoff as he tells her not to keep up that kind of talk; he might begin to enjoy her company. She wishes him luck and switches off the communicator.

With the last of Skywalker’s platoon along side her, Carima scans the area and examines the sleek skyscraper close by. One of the Republic soldiers brings up several ways of getting, suggesting they detonate a hole, steal a ship to get on the roof, or draw initial forces out of the building while sneaking in. She spots a spice transport speeder being let into the structure with several more on their way over. “How about we try the front door.”

Cut to inside the skyscraper where a similar speeder with vehicle skirt moves slowly into the building. Various clone troops in numerous positions guide the process along with one nearby giving it a routine scan. Immediately however a small beeping noise comes from the clone’s device and she reports to the others various warm heat sources within the spice load. The commander present orders the others to ready their weapons as they prepare to open the hatch, with one of the clones muttering about the desperation of the resistance.

Clones climb the vehicle and open up the top hatch, seeing only dull red lim spice down below. The commander still on the ground gives them a small nod, leading the group to all shoot into the opening, but doing little more than blasting the supply. The lack of reaction causes confusion at first, with one of the clones starting to say she saw some kind of electronic device before she’s cut off by a large explosion that blasts off inside the spice.

Instantly annihilating the nearby soldiers, the others can only barely react when most are hit by blaster fire from low on the ground. Left alone among the survivors, the commander attempts to sound an alarm but is knocked out by a stun beam right to his torso. All immediate enemies gone, from underneath the skirts of the half destroyed speeder crawl Carima and company; dirty and roughed up from the explosion, yet still intact.

The former quickly dusts herself off and gives some small thanks “Body temperature to discharge in 30 seconds flat; bless the makers of the modern thermal detonator. “ A Republic lieutenant grabs the knocked out commander as Carima points to the a large scale service elevator and the platoon quickly moves in. Nivir looks at her scanner tracking Anakin’s location, hiding most of her anxiousness as best she can.

Inside the lift the lieutenant punches in a high floor number with his free hand and the computer asks for a security retina scan. He forces open the eye of the still stunned commander into the scanner and after a few tense moments, its accepted. With a heave, the latter’s knocked out body is tossed out just as the doors close. A Republic soldier to the lieutenant’s left pips up that they can’t believe that worked and he replies that’s the downside of mass produced clones at different positions: “Same eye, same clearance.”

As the elevator car speeds its way up, one of them reluctantly asks what they’ll do if Skywalker is indeed dead. She meets the gazes of the others and starts to respond, but try as she might Carima has no answer. Only the low hum of the lift breaks the silence.

This post has been edited.

Post
#882582
Topic
The Force in your PT
Time

The Force itself is played much more ambiguously in my prequels. There’s some lyrical description by the likes of Kenobi; describing suns’/stars’ connection to Jedi as “It shines, it warms, and it gives. It helps to create life, and from life comes the Force.” There’s definitely a sense of reverence towards it by older Jedi, but there’s not overt discussion about its nature, largely because it be redundant given such conversations already do happen in the original films.

The more significant deviation is what the Jedi are in a pre-Clone Wars galaxy, because only some are Knights. The expansion of the Republic, the troubled problems in various territories, and the lack of any real large scale was for millennia has gradually changed the make up of what the Jedi are. Most are serving the galaxy in peacetime roles as engineers, farmers, teachers, and so forth. The old time role of lightsaber wielding guardians of peace and justice has fallen to people like Obi-Wan and soon Anakin who are first on the front line of the worst galactic war in thousands of years.

This context exist to serve as tragedy in what was lost by the purge (with beneficial cornerstones of communities gone forever), but also serves as the central question and conflict of the prequels “What role are the Jedi to play?” Nellith, the old, mentally scarred former Knight desperately does not want to Jedi to lose what they’ve gained in the past few centuries; a growth into being not just guardians of peace and justice but builders of it as well.

This is the ultimate dividing point Anakin and Obi-Wan, as Skywalker becomes more disillusioned with the war and the flaws of galactic government, in spite of his master’s assurances to have faith in the Force. Kenobi finds himself as the compromising middle ground between Anakin’s desire for the Jedi to take more control as a means to save the Republic and Nellith’s wish to preserve what the Jedi are and prevent the potential fall to the dark side by keeping them away from the front lines.

The dark side itself is presented less as the eternal yin to the light side’s yang and more of a Tolkien esque corruption than anything else. Its not brought up until the second film, and its danger is more underplayed compared the original films, largely because there haven’t been truly dangerous threat from it for a long time. Nellith briefly fell to it in the past, but there’s a subtext that most Dark Jedi are too irrational and emotionally compromised to be a long team threat.

That’s why Palpatine proves to be so dangerous and a complete shock to the Jedi, because an emotionally focused and controlling person mastering the dark side rather than the other way around proved be outside of their expectations. He’s not a devout Sith following tradition, he’s a cunning opportunist who used the Dark side as a tool to gain power. There’s a line I have where Kenobi tells Anakin that the Dark Side takes the best parts of ourselves and makes them our worst; the insidious nature of Palpatine is that he takes the Dark Side and somehow it makes it worse.

This post has been edited.

Post
#793789
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

_Huzzah, regular updates again! The following sequence is probably the most conversation heavy of my scripments thus far, as both scenes (especially the latter) have been in my mind a long time and I felt I couldn’t quite do justice to their tone without quoted dialogue. Enjoy and I hope to get to some more action-y bits next update. _

Cut to a pair of hands picking up a blaster rifle, which we soon see belong to steely eyed Carima inside the resistance headquarters. From behind her, Fordala says she goes to rescue Anakin, she won’t survive. “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t; but he needs my help, and I don’t care how many troops I have to go through to give it to him.” She grabs a few thermal detonators from the supplies and one of the resistance members starts to object, but Fordala silently stops him.

One of the Republic soldiers walks up to Nivir and tellers that they do have their mission orders from Commander Skywalker, and that they intend to follow them. She grimly nods and says she understands, but he interjects and adds that the Commander didn’t specify which officers were assigned to the mission, and since a rescue is a high security operation, she could use a small escort team as backup. He then gestures to roughly half of the platoon who move alongside her and offer their help.

This brings a grateful smile to Carima, whom gives him a very warm thanks. It also causes Fordala to scoff and say the plan of knocking out the power supply and back-ups was bad enough before, and that splitting the platoon gives them no chance of pulling it off now. He points out that Skywalker may have been crazy but the only chance they have is sticking to his plan; it won’t be a rescue it’ll be suicide.

She stares at him and the other resistance members with questioning eyes and asks if he’s offering to change the odds. Stubbornly as always Fordala growls that none of them signed up for this mission or agreed to follow a Jedi’s orders. Tone getting intense, Carima says she’s not asking them to, she’s asking him to do what has to be done to help save a lot of innocent people. Practically shouting, Fordala angrily reiterates that they are not dying for a Republic that left them to rot here.

At that Carima’s voice turns quiet and her face melancholy. “You what what? They did. They left you behind, gave you commands they probably had no right to give, and told you die for them.” She looks up at all the resistance members around the room. “You know what Anakin did? Gave himself up to get captured by the Coalition to do whatever sick things they have so you could be safe. And that’s because he believed people like you deserved better than to be treated as disposable. Because when he was given a choice, he served others first.” She turns back to Fordala

“Now you got a choice; no one’s giving any orders here, pal. You can work with the Lieutenant, help take out the power supply with the backups, and make sure other people out there never go through what all of you did. Or you can just be like all the empty suits at Republic HQ; safe and secure while everybody else suffers and dies for them. Do what you have to Commander, I would hope that’s what you’re best at.”

This statement visibly punctures the tough defenses of the resistance members in the room, Fordala included and Carima looks at them a moment longer before turning to the Republic soldiers. She tells them to get moving as the invasion will start very soon. She and the entire platoon begin to walk out before a voice yells for them to wait. Nivir slowly turns back to look at them, face neutral and eyes forward.

The face of Fordala is a bit softer, as if wistfully recalling some distant past feeling long since forgotten. “I can’t stand being talked down to by a big shot, overconfident, loud mouthed civilian who thinks they know everything.” He pauses. “And I really can’t stand it when they’re right.” Fordala looks at the resistance members and asks if they’re in. They look among themselves and affirm that they are. He picks up his own blaster rifle and hangs it on these shoulders. “If we have to help out these Republic hotshots, I say let’s show them how its done.”

A small smile emerges on Carima’s face and she tells the Republic Lieutenant to get the mission plan ready. She asks how he’s going to find Anakin and she reminds him that just like them, his internal tracer is still being picked up by their communicator. One of the officers says she has to ask if there’s a possibility if Skywalker might already be dead. Nivir’s face is solemn but she gives him answer. “Anakin will survive. I don’t know if its the Force or what, but if there’s a way to keep going, he’ll find it.”

Cut to 81 sitting and examining a data padd in his Darelda’s quarters as Organa walks in. He says that as her personal security droid he is strongly recommending she ask the Jedi to be allowed to evacuate and he escort her in a separate ship until the situation is safe. She pauses before asking what the thought the actual odds were that she would in any way agree to that. “Astronomically low I admit,” he replies. “but for a droid protocol is next to godliness after all.”

There’s a beat and she inquires why the seclusion, with him responding that peace and quiet are precious resources these days, especially on a warship. The senator agrees, but points out its unusual for him to so actively seek it out. All 81 can do is shrug and state they live in very unusual times. “Hmm, never a happy individual saying that sentence, is it?” Darelda brings up the real issue at hand; that he’s worried about the upcoming battle.

At that HX stands, his form towering over the average sized Organa. He makes it clear that he’s not particularly perturbed about what will happen if they fail, as he’s already calculated it’ll most likely mean their quick deaths in a shipwide explosion before the Coalition can get to them. She gives him a brief blank stare before replying. “Oh, just that then.” He ignores this and asks that if anyone’s considered what will happen to those in Republic who sought armistice if the mission succeeds.

At her silence, 81 lays out the likely backlash coming for such people. “People hate traitors who have perfectly good reasons, let alone those with bad ones.” He predicts the consequences for just those in the Senate alone will bitterly divide it even more. Darelda shakes her at and responds that she can’t let the infighting there get any worse and that if they do get Coruscant back, she has to get the Senate united again. He looks her straight in the eye and inquires if there’s anyone she thinks could help her pull it off. Organa looks away briefly and gives reluctant answer. “There is… one.”

In Nellith’s quarters, Kenobi walks in and informs her they just got out of hyperspace ahead of the coalition and are about the send the coded message to the Republic. She says nothing, with only small nod acknowledging his statement.

Subtle concern on his face, he slowly makes his way over to her. Not looking back at him, she softly but with a hint of hardness says that she’ll have one of the crew include her own communique in the coded message, one that she’s positive will reach most of the prominent Jedi leadership in the galaxy soon enough. Neutral tone and all, he asks what she’ll be saying. Nellith finally turns slightly to look at him, the audience just briefly seeing all the decades of regret fully coming out in her before her eyes turned cold as she says… all available Jedi are moving to the front.

That answer gives Kenobi no real satisfaction, just a grim acknowledgment of what she’s just agreed to. He moves a short distance next to her, now both watching the moving stars. The younger Knight makes an effort at some reassurance “I know its going to terrible, wars like these always are. But the people will be safe, this Republic will endure. We’ll protect it; every future Jedi will remember that.”

Korusya can take no more, and Obi-Wan sees her fully turn to face him, looking to be on the verge of bitter laughter and furious outburst. “You know they’ll remember Sir Kenobi? They’ll remember that some of the greatest teachers, engineers, and healers in the galaxy went to the frontline to fight, and those that came back could never be the people they were ever again. And they’ll wonder those about who made this decision knowing what they were destroying and ask “Did they care at all?””

Its a mountain of emotion for Ben to take in, yet he only has one response. “A Jedi is willing to give up anything for the Republic.” Nellith pauses, but bitterly nods.“Anything.” She tears the lightsaber away from her neck. “And everything.”

On the bridge of Phakerem’s cruiser one of her captains tells her the fleet is about to be out of hyperspace. She starts to say they can’t stay here long, but is cut off when the ship comes out of lightspeed to find a Jedi fleet awaiting them. The same captain asks how they got here first and the General angrily yells that he’s forgotten his history. “They’re Jedi, they find ways!” Another captain asks how they’ll engage them, and Phakerem orders him to to target the largest cruisers at the front and center first.

She inquires about the integrity of enemy shields and one of the bridge crew tells her that while strong, their own cruisers will outlast them in any kind of extended firefight. Very quickly her angry frown turns into a delighted evil grin at their prospects. “No hiding spot, no space to run, just time. A perfect target.” After a moment however, her twisted smile turns into a small frown as she quietly repeats “A perfect… target” to herself as the crew looks at her confused.

The direct battle only a few moments away, she abruptly turns to the captain closest to her and questions why the Jedi would engage now. “They can’t defeat the fleet, they’re not keeping safe in Quandmar and they know we can outmatch any reinforcements they call in. There’s no reason to be here.” The captain replies they may have a secret strategy in mind and voice getting quicker she asks why they’d wait to use it till they’re at a disadvantage. Consternation now taking over she states there’s no strategy to be seen except delaying the inevitable.

That last comment lingers for just a moment and the realization hits her like a freight train. For once, the powerful Mandalorian leader speaks in almost a low whisper. “They want us here. They wanted us in the nebula. We fell for a diversion.” Phakerem turns abruptly to the navigator and the communication officer and tells them to get the cruiser back into hyperspace and to relay the same order to the rest of the fleet.

On the Republic cruiser bridge, Darelda and 81 watch the Coalition ships move out just as Kenobi and Nellith arrive. Ben asks what the Mandalorians are doing and Organa retorts that they’re apparently retreating. The battle droid observes that’s an odd response to a battle they’re sure to win. Korusya flatly says they’ve already figured out the plan. “At this point in the war, nothing’s more suspicious to a Mandalorian than a definitive victory over a Jedi.”

An officer cuts in and says an intercepted enemy code suggests they’re definitely heading towards a planet, but before he can name it, Obi-Wan grimly concludes the exact heading to be Coruscant and asks 81 if all of the fleet can beat the Coalition ships to the planet. HX shakes his head no. Weight of the galaxy on shoulders, Kenobi can only say “Then for now, Anakin’s the best hope the Republic’s got.

Cut to the floor of the torture room with a slow pan up to reveal an exhausted and trembling Anakin, just barely sitting against the wall, His face is red and eyes bloodshot, his form clearly struggling to even breathe after all the pain he’s experienced. “Very good… Chancellor. You’re… you’re as ineffective as you are… delusional.” Cut to Crayde sitting in his office, quietly furious watching the defiant Skywalker, whom continues to talk. “Tell me, is enough appreciation for you?”

Draezin continues to stare daggers for a moment before asking in a low, accusatory tone what Nik thinks any of this opposition is accomplishing. He questions that given both of them know that the Jedi will be dead soon one way or another, what is their to be gained from this ridiculous last stand. Cut back to Skywalker as he once again manages a very small satisfied smile and tells him its the same thing that’s kept him going this entire conflict; the satisfaction of opposing twisted people like Crayde.

The other man abruptly stands up, his patience long since evaporated. “Are you people capable of anything other than than self righteous moralizing? The typical Jedi oh, I expect this sort of talk, but you Skywalker; I was hoping for something a little different.” He mentions all the intelligence he’d read about Anakin, bringing up how his name appears almost more than any other Jedi’s in their reports and that given how much he’s seen of the war, he should be much smarter than this. “All that, and yet how little understand.”

Between hard breaths Nik states the last being he’s getting any enlightenment from is a corrupt ex-Sanator turned Mandalorian lackey; adding that Crayde needs to realize no matter how this war ends the galaxy will have no use for him. That remark gets Draezin in close, his holographic face inches away from Anakin. “I am… the galaxy.” The Jedi just scowls at him. Crayde stands back up and begins to pace around, shaking his head.

“Do you know what the eternal constant in this universe is, Skywalker? Its not the Mandalorians, its not the Republic, its not even the Jedi. Its people like me. All of your little propaganda has gone on and on about how how I’m the scum that double crossed the his people, behold the monster that’s helping to destroy everything good and decent. But I come from the same place as you. Just like the Hutts on Nar Shadda do. Just like the pirates on Ord Mantell. Just like every crooked rep in the Senate trying right now to figure out how to best appeal to me for a peace deal.”

At this point, its Anakin getting quietly angry, refusing to accept Draezin’s premise. The latter continues, however. “You see, Jedi like you think that once you win, all those terrible Mandalorians are destroyed, and those like me are put away, that galactic peace will reign eternal again. “Look out your window citizen, because justice has returned!” But its not going to be that way, because the problem? The problem is the Republic, Skywalker. Its broken, and it has been since long before you or I.”

The chancellor begins to look satisfied, increasingly proud of his argument. “And I know you’re thinking in the back of your mind, “We’ll get a new Senate, take out all of crime lords, put a Jedi on every street corner the galaxy if we have to.” And all it’ll do is just make it easier for the next Jabba the Hutt to grab all the power that they can. Because the truth is young Skywalker, the Republic gives the galaxy disorder, and dares to calls it democracy and freedom.”

There’s an attempt by Anakin to stand up, but he still quite can’t, and relents to sitting slightly higher while saying through gritted teeth (and anxious eyes) that even if he did believe a word of that, what’s happened under the Coalition prove its far worse. Crayde doesn’t care, only offering an evil smile “Coalition, Republic. Same crumbling house with new owners. In the end, the only thing that matters is making sure you get the nicest room in the place, and in that regard, I’d say I’m the master.”

A silence passes, soon broken by Skywalker himself whom says in a low, though slightly unsure voice that he doesn’t believe him. The older man shrugs, expressing that its a shame Nik isn’t convinced, and that he’ll just have to allay his disappointment with the Anakin’s pending execution. The younger man replies he can kill him, but nothing will change the fact that there will be other Jedi.

Draezin surprisingly agrees, and states what’s why Skywalker’s taking a brief detour to the medical wing first. At the Jedi’s confused face the he explains that true to his generous nature as Chancellor, he’s giving a little compensation for his upcoming demise with the gift of immortality. “Of a sort anyway.” As Nik’s eyes go wide, Crayde tells him that the Coalition will soon reveal one of their greatest spoils of this war; a clone of the great Anakin Skywalker.

Draezin enjoys the Jedi’s immediate horror at that prospect and says one last thing before the hologram turns off. “I do hope he makes for better conversation than you did.” Camera cuts out on Nik’s face just as various clone troopers arrive to escort him to his fate.

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Post
#792828
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Believe it or not, I am not in fact dead, nor have I abandoned this. Work and various other matters have kept me busy, but schedule’s a little lighter and mind a bit more focused, so progress can begin again. Hoping to do another update after this very soon as there’s a scene I’ve been dying to finally get written down. But without further ado, I present the beginning of Act III of A Galaxy’s Fury:

Hard cut to Anakin collapsing to the floor in agony, stripped to a pair of basic pants and a open collared sleeveless shirt. Sweating and panting hard he struggles to stand back up, his expression pained, but with a clear look of hate towards one person. A quick to a wide shot reveals that to be a life size hologram of Crayde,  casually walking around the injured Jedi, and inspecting the damage being done.

“You know a little note of acknowledgment would really be appreciated. Someone like Phakerem would have cut you to pieces already, but some of us still believe in a little thing called decency.” The hologram’s head moves around to better look at Skywalker’s form. “No marks, no burns; just pain. That’s the work of a civilized man.”

Nik supports himself against the wall,  and manages a few words, asking if torture like this is the way he deals with the indignity of being an insignificant Mandalorian puppet. With faux confusion he responds if that if he’s the puppet then why is Anakin the one flailing around at someone else’s whim? An electrical shock then appears and strikes the Jedi who manages a less agonized scream and just manages to stay on his feet this time.

The Crayde hologram crosses his arms in quiet satisfaction, marveling that this device has so many settings, and yet they all work so well. Skywalker still refuses to let up in his defiance asking how weak and desperate must he be to resort to something like this. The older man flippantly replies that even a Jedi like him would do the same thing in the right circumstance. Nik’s response is vehement. “I’d sooner be dead.”

Cut to an office where we see the actual Crayde in a specialized office watching Skywalker’s holographic form still struggling to stand. He tells Anakin that the latter is prolonging this process, not   him. “You’re hurting yourself and importantly you’re taking up my valuable time; does it feel worth it you right now?”  The young man sarcastically asks if the great Chancellor of Coalition is getting a little upset.  Shaking his head, he bitterly spits out that he always heard Crayde was corrupt, but even he didn’t think he was capable of selling out the entire Republic just for a high rise on Coruscant.

Cut back to the torture room as the Crayde hologram gestures to the surroundings and says that helping to bring about about everlasting galactic peace has earned a building or two. Anakin walks up close to the the hologram and looks it straight in the eye; asking if he’s really calling indefinite life under the Coalition’s boot peace.

Draezin smirks. “From a certain point of view.” He says they need to get back to the matter at hand, and demands to know the location of the Republic resistance. For the first time in the scene Anakin gives a small (but defiant) smile. “What resistance?” Unamused, Crayde pauses for a moment and looks away before turning back and giving a piercing stare towards Nik.

“I think I’ll try those higher settings now.”

Cut to the Republic cruiser traveling through hyperspace followed by cut to their quarters where Kenobi and Darelda deliberate as 81 walks in. The droid reports that the engines are straining to get ahead of the Coalition ships in hyperspace, but that if Obi-Wan’s plan is right, they’ll show up right as the former will be getting out of light speed. Organa remarks its at least some good news. HX inquires as to what the plan is, with Ben saying their key priority is slowing down the Mandalorians as much as possible before they reach Coruscant and encounter the Republic invasion soon to come.

The senator’s face somehow turns even more anxious, and she looks Ben in the eye to ask the obvious question of what the Coalition’s plan is with their apparent Force clones. He’s immediately responds that its most likely a reactionary army against the Jedi, pointing out mass infiltration would be useless once even one of them was exposed as one clone is an enigma, many would be an obvious threat. Organa asks why one revealed himself and Kenobi replies that they either counted on this one being successful in destroying them or something went array.

At that 81 brings up that the Coalition mass production process disposes of any clone they find defective; if there was something wrong with this copy, the they certainly would have caught it. Obi-Wan just shakes his head saying that replicating a Jedi’s body is one thing, wholly recreating a connection to the Forcce is beyond anything he’s ever heard of. “A mind in tuned to the Force without spirit, there’s no telling what kind of effect that has.”

Heavily sighing, Darelda says they’re dangerous either way, and that if the Coalition has any on Coruscant, the invasion will be even more difficult. Slowly calming himself, Ben tells her and HX to get the coded message for the Republic ready to send as soon as they get out of hyperspace, adding they can’t make any assumptions until the invasion starts and they see what they’re dealing with.

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Post
#758909
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Thank you for the correction Dloomys, I went back and fixed it. 

JHodges, the sequence of events is largely figured out, and the epilogue is more or less done in my head. Its the large battle/invasion scene which concludes act III that still needs the nuts and bolts worked out. 

CHRomer, I was originally going to have 81 as the turncoat way back when for a couple of reasons: to demonstrate the desperate nature of the war, hint at  Anakin's eventual well intentioned turn in Episode III, and shock viewers who had grown to trust the character. 

However as Episode II began to further formulate, I was beginning to feel that the Republic more or less resorting to a hail mary pass in the war plans, and some senators willing to negotiate with the Coalition sold how bad the war had gotten pretty well already. The development of Nellith's character, with her as well as Fordala (a bitter, disfigured man angry at the leaders/government he felt abandoned him) already acting as foreshadowing archetypes to Skywalker made me reluctant to create yet another one with HX.

Finally the clone reveal more or less works as the shocking twist (admittedly not as outright surprising as the droid in question betraying them) and Organa's story as currently planned in Episode III is made much easier if she can work and talk with someone like 81. Part of me does wish I could have implemented the betrayal, but I think it would create more problems than it would solve at this point in the story development.  

This post has been edited.

Post
#758785
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

Very minor edits to some previous entries, largely just giving a previously unnamed Jedi pilot a name, which will be a bit important as you'll see. But with that out of the way, act II of A Galaxy's Fury finally concludes. Enjoy and thanks as always for the feedback. 

On top of a ruined Coruscant building at dawn emerges the platoon and a token few of the resistance. Anakin helps pull Carima up the last of the way and the group as a whole lies low. With a pair of makeshift binoculars Skywalker examines a series of nearby buildings. He identifies a large sleek structure with various smaller towers and platforms as the base of the Coruscant defense network. Nivir points to the larger and bulkier connected building. “There's our power center.”

Nik moves his sight to a slightly smaller construction also connected to the power center, his face contorted in a confused frown. He asks Fordala what's inside that building, and the latter tells him its one of the few large scale areas in the capital city they haven't been able to get any reconnaissance on. “Lim spice and the occasional transport go in, beyond no clue what's inside or what it needs that much direct power for.”

The young Jedi stares and considers his options for a moment. He tells the others that while the power center's too secure to get inside, all they'd really have to do is cut the power off from the defense building close to the time of the invasion but before the Mandalorians could fix it. Fordala scoffs and points out that the network has to have power redundancies or at least some kind of backup. Anakin agrees and says they'd have to get inside the defense building to knock the back-ups out as well, and if its designed anything like the old Republic network, they're likely still near the top of the building.

The one eyed older man inquires exactly how Skywalker would do this and the latter brings up the makeshift jetpacks the resistance have put together, asking if they've been used in public before. Fordala pauses, clearly annoyed at where this is going, but tells him never been utilized since the Coalition took the planet. Nik nods and adds that means the enemy doesn't know we have them. The resistance leader gives him a look at the use of “we” but says nothing.

Carima asks what Anakin's proposing. He lays out the plan, detailing one team using the jetpacks to get access to the roof of the defense building and another hitting the maintenance section directly between the network structure and the power plant at the same time. The first team makes their way down, destroying the back-ups while the second team destroys all connections to the power grid they find, leaving the most vital parts of the defenses with either no power or no way of communicating with the central hub. Observes Carima: “Unarmed or blind, not exactly the ideal way to fight.”

Fordala angrily says the resistance is in no hurry to give up their resources for some suicidal mission. Skywalker turns to him, trying to contain his own ire, stating that if the Republic succeeds here, the resistance won't need them, and if the Coaltion wins, a couple of missing jetpacks will be the least of their problems. The resistance leader grabs Nik's arm eyes hard. “You see a lightsaber on me boy? I'm no Jedi jockey here to jump when you say so.”

Anakin forcefully removes the man's hand from his arm while the resistance and the platoon look at each other, seemingly ready to engage each other. However Carima notices something in the distance and calls their attention to it: a small, but sleek surveillance vessel coming their way. Fordala is taken aback, noting that patrols don't fly this way this time of day, and Skywalker adds something's changed their plans.

An anxious Nivir quickly explains if it gets close enough there's nowhere to hide and no way they can get off of the building quick enough before it spots them. The resistance leader adds that if anyone is seen here, they'll scour the area and find the sewer entrance soon enough. Nik swallows hard, knowing before the others what has to be one. “Then it needs to see something else then.”

He looks at Fordala and tells him to get everybody back to the sewer and relays to one of his officers to get the teams ready for the mission. Before either can respond he continues his orders telling clearly to get inside the building and cut the power, however they have to do it. Carima starts to looked worried and asks what he's doing. He gently lays a gloved hand on her cheek and tells her to give his regards to Beru and Owen. “And tell Ben I'm sorry. I love you.”

With that Anakin runs towards the edge and jumps off. Nivir screams “No!” and those still left on the roof see him fall several meters and just barely grab to a lone pole sticking out diagonally from a nearby construction site. He slides down quickly making a long trek down before ending with a rough landing on the around. He looks up at the group and yells go before pulling out his lightsaber and cutting through a large support beam on the construction site, causing it to collapse with a loud boom.

The scout ship immediately notices and starts heading towards Skywalker. Fordala realizes what the Jedi's doing and leads the others down to climb the other side of the building. Carima refuses, saying they're gonna kill Nik down there. The middle aged man offers her a sympathetic face, telling her that he's not sacrificing himself just for her to be seen and destroyed by the Mandalorians and that they have to go. She looks towards some support from Anakin's officers, but their faces tell the whole story, and after one last look to his direction, she starts climbing down.

The scout ship moves in on Skywalker, sending out a few token shots which he manages to avoid. Once its in close, it tries again, but Nik manages to deflect them this time, sending them back to the vessel, quickly causing damage. The smoking vehicle just barely misses hitting the Jedi, soon crashing into the construction site not to far from Anakin. He breathes a brief sigh of relief before yet another ship appears, this time a fighter.

Quickly surveying the area, he runs and jumps onto the base of a long and unmanned construction crane, once again barely dodging laser blasts as the fighter swoops around and takes its shots. Carefully biding his time, at just the right moment he cuts the crane with his lightsaber. It collapses down just as the fighter's passing and crushes it, tearing the aircraft apart once both hit the ground in an even louder sound than the support beam.

The platoon and the resistance manage to reach the bottom of the ruined building and run towards the sewer entrance. While racing across the rubble through various cracks in the structure Nivir sees Anakin in the distance, standing alone, looking around for what's coming next. What's next is a series of transport craft and given both size and number, even Skywalker knows what the odds are. With a grimace, he lowers his lightsaber, but stares defiantly foward as the lead ship lands.

As various clone officers and Mandalorian soldiers with blasters start pouring out the ships, a prominent figure emerges from the principal vessel. Walking up to Nik with both swagger and touch of genuine curiosity is none other than Draezin Crayde himself. Stopping just a few feet away he crosses his arms and looks the Jedi up and down before offering a most undeserved smirk. “Anakin Skywalker. Only you would be this bold.”

With the rest of the group already in the sewers Carima can only watch helplessly as the Jedi's lightsaber is taken away, he's placed in restraints, and soldiers surround him. Tears almost fall from her eyes before she angrily shakes it off and with determination joins the others underground.

With the lightsaber no longer a factor, Crayde gets in close, ignoring the disdain coming from the young man's eyes and casually asks what he's doing here. In the coldest tone he can muster, Anakin says they'll get no information out of him. Draezin's eyes turn darker, and in a low voice responds. “By this time this day's done, we'll get a great deal more than that.”

In the nebula the various Jedi ships are dodging and weaving the Mandalorian cruisers in a chaotic chase. The bridge of the lead cruiser is just as crazy with various crew on board talking over each other as they report on the various statuses of the ships. Darelda remains calm however, giving orders quickly and staying alert of the developments. Obi-Wan remains standing next to 81 and Organa taking in the events himself.

HX leans into Darelda and asks why the saboteur hasn't shown up yet. Kenobi overhears them and replies they just need a bit more time. The senator rubs her hand over her face. “I'm not sure we have it.” Nellith orders their pilot a quick turnaround and tells them to engage Phakerem's ship, and tells them to get her attention. The pilot complies and in the nebula it makes a hard 180 turn, firing at the side of the Mandalorian's craft.

On the general's ship the the crew on the bridge shake from the attack, but hold their ground as Phakerem asks how badly they were hit. She's told their engines were barely affected and still functioning. She's slightly bemused and points out it makes no sense for the Jedi to engage an attack, given their own superior shields and asks why they're still get a signal from them. One of her officers suggests they're getting desperate, but she's unconvinced and orders the fleet to regroup on her mark if they try something like that again.

Back on the cruiser Dorgon, the Jedi pilot who led Ben and company into the nebula initially, arrives on the bridge, seemingly to take over a station to the right of Korusya. Just as he's passing her, out of nowhere he quickly activates his lightsaber and almost cuts her at the neck, only to be blocked by Kenobi's own sword, who knocks the man down.A shocked Nellith immediately turns and gets to her feet, kicking away the downed man's lightsaber before he can even react.

The pilot is speedily on his feet again, and tries pulling his lightsaber with the Force, but Obi-Wan catches the hilt himself and aims now two sabers towards his direction. Even still Dorgon runs towards Nellith for another attack, only for be hit by a stun ray by Darelda which sends him down. His body nearly paralyzed with pain, he tries once more to get to his feet, but the senator fires again and this time he stays down.

Kenobi and company look down on stunned man, his face is a daze. 81 dryly remarks this isn't like any game of sabbac he's seen and Organa guesses this is their saboteur. Korusya briefly turns away to order another attack on Phakerem's ship before turning back to look at the suspect Nellith shakes her head saying it doesn't make any sense. Ben sees something that gets his attention and he kneels down to look in Dorgon's eyes, examining them as carefully as he can.

In quick cut Anakin is led through secured halls by a large contingent of guards, briefly looking to his right where behind a reinforced window there's a large form in a bacta tank. Skywalker only gets a brief glance at it, but clearly inside the transparent tube is the floating body of Dorgon.

On the bridge, Kenobi hurriedly stands, his expression horrified and says they have to get a message to the Republic as soon as possible. Nellith is about to ask what he's getting at when he's told by one of the crew that the Mandalorian ships are breaking off. She's once again stunned. “What?”

Finally sitting in her bridge chair again, Phakerem orders the fleet to regroup just outside the nebula, saying none of this situation makes strategic sense and the Jedi are playing at something. Her second in command asks about time being on their side and she replies that she no longer trusts time, but thankfully she doesn't have to say the same about their ultimate weapon.

The scene on the cruiser is one of confusion with various crew looking to Nellith for orders. Ben tells her they have to get of out here, both to keep the Coalition chasing them before the invasion and to send out an emergency message to Republic leaders. 81 asks what the message is and Ben gives his answer to all of them: “A high alert warning... the Mandalorians have cloned Jedi.”

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Post
#757096
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

**Can’t actually believe I’m being this productive. Would typically wait to have written more, but I genuinely like the character stuff in this one and am curious to see how it comes across. Will provide the action climax to act II in the next update. Also made a slight addition to the previous section; just a shout out of sorts to particular droid duo that pays off later. Thanks again you guys for your interest and especially your feedback. Without further ado, more of Episode II: **

Wipe to the shelter hours later as Anakin and Carima are laying down on a pair of makeshift beds right next to each other. The light inside is dim as various others are also getting rest, though a few people softly working can be seen in far parts of the room. The stress is taking its toll on Anakin’s face as he seems more worn out than ever. Nivir looks at him, slight worry in her eyes, and tells him that even Jedi have to sleep eventually.

With faux-reflection he replies “Maybe not, there might be some secret aspect of the Force I haven’t learned about that can let me avoid sleep who knows how long.” She replies in mock horror “A power that gives you the ability to stay awake and keep talking for days on end? Gotta be that dark side you told me about.” The two smile at each other and he grips her hand warmly. She gets serious and asks why he can’t sleep.

Nik rubs his hand over his face and tells her he knew things here would be bad and having seen Mandalorian occupation, he had an idea of how terrible life could get for people in this kind of situation.  However he just keeps thinking about the how exactly the decision process went when they decided to simply desert these people and what kind of calculations the high ranking leaders did to determine just how long the resistance fighting and dying on their own was acceptable.

She shrugs and says this kind of conflict makes people make tough decisions and they both know none of the top brass want to leave people behind. She adds that the latter wants to win the war as badly as he does. His eyes look away from her and he states that they want to win it their style; safe, remote, and with the risk on everybody but them. He briefly closes his eyes and laments that all he can offer the soldiers here is what kind of dangerous mission they’d prefer to have their lives threatened by.

Almost to himself more than her, Anakin says there’s gotta be a better way than this; some system that would at least never leave people in this kind of danger. Nivir asks if really wants to try and remake the government in the middle of a war. Skywalker’s face turns melancholy as he gives his answer. “I want to go home, hug Beru, have Owen slap me on the back, and say he’d be glad to have me visit anytime. Fixing the Republic just struck me as a little more realistic right now.”

Carima strokes his face gently and tells him not to do this to himself, reminding him that people need him in the here and now. She mentions there’s a platoon that’s gonna look to him to lead them tomorrow, look to the man who walked them into heart of enemy territory and kept them in one piece. She says they trust him completely with their lives, and she knows this because she trusts him with hers, and a few broken ships aside, he’s always come through.

Touched by that Nik gives her a warm kiss on the mouth. “You know, you were on to something  about a vacation. We get out of here, we’re going somewhere nice. Find the finest vacation suite this side of Alderaan, kick the newlyweds out, and just enjoy ourselves.” Carima raises an eyebrow and says flatly “If this is your idea of a proposal Skywalker, your timing and technique could use a little work.”

Its Anakin’s turn to stroke her cheek as he tells her that while he’s sorry he dragged her into another mess he is glad she’s here with him. Carima blushes slightly before saying that have to get some rest. She kisses him on the forehead before they both close their eyes and try to sleep.

<span style=“white-space: pre;”></span>At a long table with various screens sits Nellith, studying the displays carefully. Obi-Wan walks in and says he’s made no significant gains yet, in spite of talking to half the crew and trying to sense anything from them with Force. She responds that she’s gotten reports from the Senator and her droid, but neither have reported anything significant yet either. Kenobi asks to look at that their information to see if there’s something that stands out and she silently invites him to do so.

After sitting down, Obi-Wan looks briefly at her while the latter reads some of the reports. Without looking at him she says he still thinks she’s wrong about what to do with the Jedi. Kenobi’s expression doesn’t change, but he states he believes that her decision is misguided even if her concerns are understandable. Surprisingly enough, a bitter smile comes across her face and she finally meets his gaze. “You can’t even begin to understand my concerns. Not many Jedi can.”

Ben sits back in his chair, subtly noticing that she’s at last opening up. “So this isn’t just about sending unprepared farmers and engineers into battle is it?” She replies that its about threats, one’s even more dangerous than what they’re dealing with here. Obi-Wan states that he’s at a loss to think of things worse than a power like the Coalition. She shakes her head in mild disappointment opining how easily young Jedi forget their history especially its more unfortunate periods.  Kenobi asks what she means.

She stares at him more intently than ever. “Battles are phenomena are best studied and remembered my young friend. Especially ones with the fallen.” Ben blinks a few times, just beginning to grasp what she’s getting at. “Your victory over the Dark Jedi.” She tells him that triumph was one piece of an event who’s images have never gone away no matter how much she wanted them to. Noticing that the younger Knight isn’t letting himself ask the question, she nonetheless gives him the answer. “I turned, Sir Kenobi.”

Obi-Wan can’t even speak, but she continues. Her expression recalling painful memories she says it was for a time during the conflict, and that desperate to hold back their foes, she fell into the dark side. “I did things that no being should do, disgraced the Republic, and forsook everything I was so that the people I was certain were evil would be destroyed. And they were.”

Nellith gets briefly lost in her thoughts, lifting up and looking down on the lightsaber hanging from her neck. Ben eventually regains his composure, and a voice just above a whisper, says that she came back. While strained Korusya offers an actual warm smile and describes that her comrades somehow pulled her back, even when at the time her own mind was poisoning her against them. “They said it was the will of the Force, but sometimes I wonder if it was just luck.”

Sounding drained, she explains that while wars can bring out the best in Jedi, wars like those and ones like these drive the best of them to twisted places. “One bad rain falls and it can bring down everything.” If she goes along with Kenobi’s plan, some of their kind will become one with the Force, which she can in her heart accept. But some will go to someplace worse, and it won’t just be Jedi who feel the pain of that fall. “What will a Republic victory mean if its protectors have become worse than the enemy they just helped slew?”

Kenobi stands up, his hands almost shaking as he takes in this revelation. He defiantly brings up that he has seen their kind endure what the Clone Wars have dealt and come out stronger. Specifically he mentions that Anakin has been wounded deeply by the scope of this war and yet there’s no other man he’d  swear the commitment of more than him. Nellith remains sitting and flatly says “Not all Jedi are as impregnable as your apprentice.”

Ben implores her to have hope about their collective ability, going on about that the connection to one another, to the living Force, is one only strengthened when they work side by side with the good of the Republic in all their minds. “I believe in us, the people out there do, and I think you do as well. The Force is our guide, let us follow it where it leads us.”

<span style=“white-space: pre;”></span>Korusya’s has a mixed expression, clearly considering the man’s words. Before she can respond, 81 and Organa walk in, both a bit hurried. The droid tells them that they haven’t had any luck, and that they suspect their target might have changed their strategy in subverting the ship, but they do have a plan. Darelda lays out that some games of sabbac have taught her that when you can’t guess a bluff, you make them show their cards, suggesting they engage the Mandalorians, and give the traitor what they think is the ultimate opportunity to undermine them in battle, and catch them in the act.

While HX explains its a risky move, he declares its better for them to go into battle prepared than be caught surprised when the saboteur inevitably strikes again. Obi-Wan glances at the older Jedi, awaiting her answer. Nellith frowns, but asks if the deflector shield has been shored up with 81 replying it has. She’s silent for a moment again, before she walks onto the bridge with the others following her. Korusya tells the one at the communication station to send out a small signal to the lead Mandalorian ship.

The Jedi in question briefly hesitates at the order before obeying and preparing to send it out. Darelda sighs and says she hopes luck’s on there side. Nellith and Ben share a look before the former speaks. “Just the Force this time Senator. But as allies go, I’d have no other.”

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Post
#756602
Topic
CWBorne’s Prequel Treatment Omnibus Thread (Current Work: Revisions & Edits)
Time

[Couple of updates. My last entry has been edited to reflect a change in Nellith's character and the tone of her scene with Kenobi.

To answer your question JHodges, I'll definitely reference Tarkin in Episode III as one of the rising stars of sorts in the Republic military. Whether or not he'll appear will depend on if it services the story without feeling too contrived. 

For now however, enjoy the next portion of A Galaxy's Fury.]

In a dimly lit Coruscant sewer, the company one by one drops into a large and very wet drain. Skywalker states that best he could tell given the type of surveillance, no one saw them. “Forget the despotism its their lack of sanitation care which is really damning about these people.” Carima adds with Anakin telling her to keep her voice down. He orders them to get some distance from the entrance ASAP, emphasizing quick, but careful. 

As they stealthily move through the sewers, Nivir in a whisper asks Nik what they'll do if the Mandalorians have already gotten to those underground. Anakin tries to downplay that possibility, saying any group that's survived this long has to be resourceful. She sighs and tells him that if they make it out of this, the two of them are taking a well earned vacation. As it'd be nice to have galactic trip not hampered by the prospect of certain death for once.

Anakin gives her a look and says he's assuming that her finding a safe place to hide while him and the company execute the mission is out of the question. Carima replies that she'd never leave him at such a crucial point. She gives him a restrained smile, “Besides, if you're gone, who else is gonna tell your bosses to reimburse me for a lost ship?” He gives her an affectionate nod and says they'll just have to find the resistance hide out before anything else provided they don't attract any attention-

He's interuppted when a nearby hatch on their side opens to reveal a surprised clone squadron. Skywalker yells “Positions!” and the company immediately makes a formation and fires on the enemy. Most are taken out instantly, but one manages a shot off hits a Republic soldier, wounding him. Carima hits that shooter with her own blaster, leaving the clone dead, with none left standing. Surveying the situation, Nik asks if anyone else was hit and upon hearing a negative, assists the injured soldier. 

Another soldier asks what the enemy was doing down here, but before anyone can respond, an alarmed voice is heard coming from one of the bodies. Carima picks up the comlink device currently and loudly telling the now dead commander to respond and report what they've found. Still helping the wounded man, Skywalker tells everyone this must have been a scout group, though he can't tell if its a regular search party or not. The voice still yelling through the transmitter, Anakin smashes the device.  

An officer asks if the Mandalorians have new information, and Nik replies that even if they don't, those on the other side of the comm link will be down here soon enough and they have to get out of here quickly. With various members of the company helping the wounded man move Skywalker orders the group to follow him. The same officer asks how they're supposed to find the resistance in this place. Eyes forward he gives them an answer. “Leave that to me.” 

As quickly as they can with the injured soldier, the group moves through the sewers; the young Jedi leading the way, with him looking back towards Carima to confirm with her that they're heading towards the redundant generator according to the old maps. She confusedly tells him yes and ask why go there? Anakin replies that he's got a hunch. “Sensing something in the force?” She asks. For the first time on Coruscant, Skywalker's confidence is slightly betrayed and he responds. “I hope so.”

While moving, they begin to hear the echos of enemy troops in the far distance behind them. The injured soldier tells Nik that he's impeding the whole company with his wound, that for the sake of the others, they have leave him behind and he might be able to slow any following Mandalorians down. Before he can finish Anakin cuts him off. “Lieutenant I order you to shut up and keep moving; we're all gonna get there.” 

Soon enough the company find themselves on the edge of a sudden drop off, with the waterflow falling down into large water filled basin going directly to an old but active hydro-electric generator at its end. Skywalker eyes in the machine carefully and intensely, seemingly looking past it somehow before eventually nodding his head in understanding. He turns back and tells them to get ready to jump in. One of the officers looks at him with wide eyes, pointing out that the turbines will cut them to pieces. 

Already readying himself to jump, Nik replies that he knows its safe they'll have to trust him. When the officer replies how he knows this its Carima who responds. “Sir, take it from me, don't underestimate the Force.” Still a bit disbelieving, but hearing the sound of approaching enemy soldiers coming, the officer obeys Anakin's and after assisting the injured man, the entire group jumps into the basin. As the water immediately carrying them towards the generator Skywalker determinedly tells them to hold their breath as the group is sucked in. 

On the bridge of her ship Phakerem stares intently at the sensor readings, eyes focused and waiting. She asks if there's been any change in readings and is told there's been nothing since they stopped the signal. One of her captains, after some reticence, slowly gets up from his station and approaches her. In a quiet voice he asks permission to speak freely, which she grants, curious at what has to say. He mentions to her that with the visual damage earlier seen on the engines of Jedi vessels its unlikely they could either get back to their station or escape the nebula without being noticed. 

In the most respectful tone he can manage he explains that with the enemy trapped and no way to get out, and he recommends pulling the bulk of their forces to other parts of the front line or bulk up their defenses elsewhere. “Your efforts have succeeded; the Jedi threat has been neutralized.”

After a few tense moments with the general looking displeased at his comments, she rises from her chair and surprisingly enough, gives a knowing smile and begins to speak. Filled with confidence she details how the greatest threat of the Jedi isn't out there, pointing to the viewscreen, its in the territories the Coalition has yet to control. “In the pilot agreeing to every mission despite the risk, in the politician still refusing to negotiate with us, in every Republic citizen not doing everything they can to defect.”

The explanation turning into a speech of sorts, she justifies their continued presence here as the key to not just winning the war but ensuring those conquered will have no spirit for insurrection after the Republic is defeated. “Defeat a man and the peace is temporary; destroy a legend and the peace is eternal.” She finishes saying that they cannot afford to let up when next phase is almost there, with the ultimate weapon against the Jedi nearly ready to be deployed, and that they need only keep them silent and scared; time will do the rest. 

On the lead Jedi cruiser 81 and Darelda briskly walk through the halls of the ship. She asks how badly damaged the engines were and he replies that had they likely been hit again, they'd likely be adrift in space at this moment. For now they're safe provided the Mandalorians don't spot them again. She sighs “I don't know who's got it worse, me not knowing the exact odds of that or you knowing down the number.” The security droid replies that dubious distinction quite certainly belongs to him. 

They arrive in Nellith's quarters where they find her and Kenobi waiting. The former is considerably troubled and isn't looking at them. Ben tells them both that they've figured out that the signal was not remotely induced, someone inside the ship set it off. HX says he's at a loss as to how such a person could even get onto a ship of Jedi, let alone pull this off without being spotted. Ben replies that's what they're trying to figure out. 

Darelda ask if its possible there's a Dark Jedi who could have done this and Nellith and Obi-Wan immediately answer no, before the former clarifies that “I haven't felt... that kind of willful use of the dark side in a very long time.” Kenobi does however mention that there's something earlier that felt wrong, something not natural to this place. These words  get a reaction out of Korusya who says she perceived something like that herself but couldn't quite grasp what exactly it was. 

Obi-Wan openly wonders if there are any droids on the ship who could have been reprogrammed. HX-81 answers that besides himself there are only two other droids on the ship, a protocol model and an R2 unit, both working in maintenance. He does the robotic equivalent of a grimace as he recalls, “And having spent just a few minutes with them, I don't believe the Mandalorians would trust them in waste extraction let alone sabotage.”

81 inquires about their strategy given they don't know what they're dealing with with Organa saying that if there's a traitor on board was willing to blow themselves up via revealing their location to the Coalition, then something tells her they'll have no qualms about trying again. Darelda agrees and says that they have to find the saboteur quickly before they strike once more and without tipping the individual off.  Ben states ideally they can capture them for information and not have to destroy them.

Nellith's burdened eyes tell the story as she ever so briefly feels the lightsaber hanging at her neck. For the first time since arriving on the cruiser, Obi-Wan looks just a bit afraid. 

On Couruscant, sitting in a luxurious chair in his home, Crayde is indulging himself with a drink from a fine glass when he's signaled by his communicator. Annoyed, he tells the receiver that he already got their most recent scouting report and he doesn't need redundant information. The voice tells him that their scouts were attacked in the sewers, and he rolls his eyes, saying they can fill him on details of a resistance attack later. Upon being told there's signs a lightsaber was involved he's briefly struck dumb before putting his drink down and eyes suddenly serious, says he's on his way. 

Back in the sewers the heads of Anakin, Carima and the troops emerge from a filthy and quick current. The group makes their way to a small hanging platform and climb out, immediately trying to wring the wetness out of their clothes. One of the officers asks if the Mandalorians are coming and after a moment's silence to listen Skywalker says they've lost them for now. 

Another officer looks at Nik and asks if the Force told him the generator was safe. He almost smirks and tells him “Just to trust my instincts, thankfully that's been enough.” Before he can continue, out of the current a few feet ahead a large contingent of bedraggled soldiers surface, makeshift blasters pointed at Anakin and company. Surprised and outgunned and Skywalker can only look at Nivir resignedly and in deadpan continues “So far.” 

Cut to the dirty soldiers escorting their weaponless prisoners, with Carima and Nik at the front, through various tunnels. She starts to speak before he softly shakes his head no, not wanting to provoke their new keepers. Eventually they are led into a large underground shelter filled to the brim with various jury rigged portable generators, small explosives, containers of various sizes/shapes, rolled up beds, and small bits of furniture acting as tables. 

Walking towards them is a scarred, middle aged man with thinning hair and a cybernetic eyepiece, a large blaster rifle on his shoulder . He eyes his prisoners warily, giving particular attention to the stonefaced expression on Anakin's face. After a moment they hear his hoarse voice come out. “Well you're not the ugliest clones we've seen down here.” Skywalker and Nivir share a look before she responds. “We do try and make the effort.”

When asked what they're doing down there Anakin doesn't answer and inquires if he's Trukiz. This question gets a hand around the Jedi's throat as the scarred man gets particularly angry and demands how he knows that name. Not showing any fear Nik asks again if he's Trukiz, but Carima gets alarmed and says they're from the Republic and were sent to find them. This gets her a brief angry look from Skywalker, but this reveal does get the scarred man's attention. 

He asks Anakin who he is, but when he again refuses to respond, Nivir says he's a Jedi and that he's here to help them. One of the grimy soldiers pipes in and says they did confiscate what looks like a lightsaber from him. While still skeptical, he does release Skywaker's throat, and takes a step back. Briefly taking in this information, he tells them that Trukis died weeks ago and that he's Fordala, his second in command. 

At Carima's silent urging the Jedi reveals he's Command Anakin Skywalker and that he and his platoon were told to get into contact with the resistance here. Fordala still isn't entirely believing, but does signal his soldiers to put their blasters down. Anakin mentions they're here to relay orders from Fleet Admiral Organa and President Palpatine. 

There's a dead silence by the resistance soldiers in the room with Fordala specifically in disbelief about what he just heard.“Relay orders?” Nik nods and describes the timeframe of the upcoming offense against the Mandalorians on Coruscant and how the plan is dependent on the resistance sabotaging the enemy's defenses. Fordula's anger returns and he can't even stand to look at Anakin. 

“They abandon the planet, leave us down here for who knows how long, tell us to to provide intel while the Coalition are shooting every stranger they find, and now you're telling me they want us to undermine the most heavily guarded places on the surface before they can even bother rescuing us? Well you know at least they sent one Jedi, otherwise I would have thought the high commanders were completely indifferent fools.” 

Anakin does his best to excuse the situation, reiterating that forces are going to free them, but their best chances to do that are if they're not cut down by Coalition planetary weapons; simply put the Republic needs them now more than ever. Fordula gets back in close, hand gripping his rifle while he asks just how many times the Republic is going put a price on their liberation? Try as he might, Skywalker has no immediate answer. 

At this Carima intercedes, saying that have a wounded man who needs a doctor or some kind of medical help. While still noticeably angry, Fordala reluctantly orders one of his soldiers to assist the injured officer, who helps carry the man over to their medical supplies. Anakin tells him that even if they're not willing to help sabotage the defenses, he and his officers can't leave until they have a plan to scout where the Coruscant defense network is centralized.  

Slowly easing back into role of professional soldier, Fordala says it be suicide to try and go back out where they came in and given the time table for the Republic assault, he can't afford to try any of the longer complicated routes. He says their best chance would be a tunnel leading a destroyed building, one of the few caved in structures within the capital city the Coalition haven't cleared away yet. Nivir asks if the area's heavily patrolled and is told yes, but will be less protected in a few hours. 

Obviously hating having to utter this, Skywalker inquires if they can get some rest here. Fordala doesn't immediately answer, but then asks in response if any of his people are mechanics. Carima enthusiastically answers yes, eyes wide and excited. The resistance leader stares at her confused, while Anakin can only lightly smile to himself. Fordula shrugs and tells the two if she can fix up some of their generators, then they can probably spare a few beds and supplies. 

Nik gives Nivir the okay, and concealing her clear merriment she goes off to look at the units. One of the Jedi's officers walks up to him and says the resistance's help is their only chance of knocking out the defense network. Skywalker grimly shakes his head. “No, if we have to, we'll find another.” 

This post has been edited.

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