- Time
- Post link
SpilkaBilka said:
The ROTJ briefing is awful in so many ways.
Hey, who wants to be a general? We'll take anyone! We don't really have any qualified pilots to lead this Death Star assault- certainly not anyone who's loyal, has experience in many battles, and has gone up against a Death Star before (ahem WEDGE ANTILLES cough). So how about the sketchy guy who ran a gas mine and hasn't done any meaningful piloting in years? Good choice. Oh by the way, he made a deal with Darth Vader to capture PRINCESS LEIA and her friends so that Vader could freeze LUKE F'N SKYWALKER in carbonite and give him to the Emperor. But he was in that Tanaab battle or something? Sure, what the hell.
Next!
Ok, now, we're about to launch the most important ground assault in Rebel Alliance history- the fate of the galaxy hinges on it. Let's see... we have a guy who's known as a great PILOT and smuggler... though to his credit I guess he's broken in an out of some strongholds before. Sure, why not. Oh also, he's been frozen in carbonite for like 2 years, so his eyesight might be a little screwed up and I'm guessing his muscles have atrophied and maybe he's gone a little crazy. Oh yeah, he hasn't led any sort of ground operation since he's been frozen for 2 years, and this'll be his first mission as a general, so he might need some catching up on the latest Imperial procedures and methods, and his aim might be a little off. You can probably get him up to speed on all that on the flight to Endor. But yeah, good choice, doesn't look like we have anyone else.
He seems prepared too- he doesn't have a crew for the shuttle, but I'm sure some of his buddies will just volunteer DURING THE BRIEFING. Last minute, who cares? No big deal. Make sure to take the useless, shiny, talkative protocol droid with you too on this important subterfuge operation that's going to require stealth.
Hey Luke- no, no problem! Juts barge right into the middle of the most important mission briefing in rebel history! You forgot your ID? No biggie, I'm sure the guy just waved you in. We're all friends here in the Alliance. Oh, you don't want to fly an X-Wing? We were kind of counting on you since you blew up the first Death Star, and you might be the best pilot in the galaxy. But yeah, no worries, just be a crew member on the shuttle. That's the best use of your skills.
So, you guys ready? Alright, let's blow up this Death Star!!! But don't forget to have some fun out there!!!
If anyone else wants to be a general, let us know!
Sigh.
"Don't forget to have fun out there!"
But...that's what these films are about. :p