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The Place to Go for Emotional Support — Page 4

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DuracellEnergizer said:

I was in town today, and I think I saw the Girl Whom I Loved from high school today for the first time in years. I avoided looking directly at her so as to avoid catching her attention, so I'm not 100% positive it was her, but the resemblance certainly was strong; if it was her, she's still as beautiful now as she was when she was seventeen.

Anyway, moving on with the story, she had two little girls with her -- the oldest probably being no older than five. If those girls are hers, it means she's probably settled down with someone and started a family. I, on the other hand, am unemployed, overweight, going bald, and stuck living in a pig sty with a family I can't stand to be around.

TL;DR: teenage unrequited love is a bitch -- especially when you still haven't quite gotten over it -- and seeing the girl of your dreams for the first time in a long time with the children you wanted to be the father of doesn't make it any easier.

To end this on a somewhat lighter note, I did buy me a small bottle of Southern Comfort following the experience. Now I'm going to down half the contents of the bottle and catapult myself into a daze of drunken elation while listening to the Stone Temple Pilots.

 Ouch.  All I can say is I have been there, I feel for you.

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putting this back on the front page.


E!-A!-G!-L!-E!-S! EAGLES!!!
SUPERBOWL CHAMPS!!!

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It never left my front page. My settings are set so that I see 100 threads on each forum page and only about 60 threads or so were bumped within the past couple days.

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Sometimes my life is pure hell. Why do I have such a sociopathic individual for a father? It's his conservatism, his belief that government is always bad people should be personally responsible for their actions and not live on welfare, his belief that climate change is a hoax, his religious extremism, his fucking Amway business (seriously one of the worst things to happen to me is when he joined that goddamn pyramid scheme), the fact that my mother blindly agrees with nearly everything he says, the fact that I make so fucking little at work and everyone is over 50 and I can't make friends, that the rest of my family are a bunch of right wing nutcases who agree with each other, or the misfortune of being catholic and living at home with little hope of affording an apartment because housing prices are so ridiculously fucking high in a shithole run by arrogant hippies who should all fucking die. i would be 60 pounds lighter and not be a loner basement virgin if I wasn't forced into Catholic schools because my parents were so paranoid about me being indoctrinated by the public school system, and who gang up on me whenever I disagree with them on political issues. I fucking hate them. I  sometimes wish they were dead so I can go on with my life feel better about myself. Someone help me.

This post has been edited.

Let’s face it, Gary Kurtz was purged

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I recommend avoiding political topics. I have to do that as well with some of my relatives.

“After a time, you may find that having, is not so pleasing a thing after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.” - Spock

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Handman said:

I recommend avoiding political topics. I have to do that as well with some of my relatives.

 I never bring up political issues with my parents; some outside source always fucks things up, like a slightly political commercial or a letter from our local  representative. Any mention of the environment on tv or the internet rocks the boat because they DONT BELIEVE IN CLIMATE CHANGE AT ALL.

My family is pure evil and I was cursed in life to be stuck with them. I should have been free at college. But life intervened and I'm stuck under those asshole psychopaths' roof for the rest of one of our lives. 

Let’s face it, Gary Kurtz was purged

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generalfrevious said:

Sometimes my life is pure hell. Why do I have such a sociopathic individual for a father? It's his conservatism, his belief that government is always bad people should be personally responsible for their actions and not live on welfare, his belief that climate change is a hoax, his religious extremism, his fucking Amway business (seriously one of the worst things to happen to me is when he joined that goddamn pyramid scheme), the fact that my mother blindly agrees with nearly everything he says, the fact that I make so fucking little at work and everyone is over 50 and I can't make friends, that the rest of my family are a bunch of right wing nutcases who agree with each other, or the misfortune of being catholic and living at home with little hope of affording an apartment because housing prices are so ridiculously fucking high in a shithole run by arrogant hippies who should all fucking die. i would be 60 pounds lighter and not be a loner basement virgin if I wasn't forced into Catholic schools because my parents were so paranoid about me being indoctrinated by the public school system, and who gang up on me whenever I disagree with them on political issues. I fucking hate them. I  sometimes wish they were dead so I can go on with my life feel better about myself. Someone help me.

Dear general, 

Your frustrations certainly can be understood and your wounds are real so let us not trivialize them, but kindly consider: if your parents were to die it would then be your responsibility to cover all expenses. At the very least it might require you to work harder. Please find some moment, memory, or happenstance in your life during which you did not have such negative feelings towards them and try to bring this event to light during times of stress and despair.

As for virginity, Catholicism, weight issues, and living arrangements: be of good cheer that all of these issues are curable--but only once you claim responsibility for yourself. Work on the weight issue by eating properly and exercising more. You will feel better about yourself and be better able to meet women. 

Since you are already miserably Catholic, you may as well take advantage of such a thing by joining a youth/young adults group where likely there are 3 girls for every boy. Dress up for the occasion and be upbeat and kind. 

For the living arrangement scenario, consider only that it is typically not about how much you earn, but how little you spend. Save your money with a view of purchasing a place instead of renting. Mortgage payments are typically lower than rent and provide a forced savings that typically also appreciates.

Regards,

Praetorian

 

I was once…but now I’m not… Further: zyzzogeton

“It wasn’t the flood that destroyed the pantry…”

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Post Praetorian said:

generalfrevious said:

Sometimes my life is pure hell. Why do I have such a sociopathic individual for a father? It's his conservatism, his belief that government is always bad people should be personally responsible for their actions and not live on welfare, his belief that climate change is a hoax, his religious extremism, his fucking Amway business (seriously one of the worst things to happen to me is when he joined that goddamn pyramid scheme), the fact that my mother blindly agrees with nearly everything he says, the fact that I make so fucking little at work and everyone is over 50 and I can't make friends, that the rest of my family are a bunch of right wing nutcases who agree with each other, or the misfortune of being catholic and living at home with little hope of affording an apartment because housing prices are so ridiculously fucking high in a shithole run by arrogant hippies who should all fucking die. i would be 60 pounds lighter and not be a loner basement virgin if I wasn't forced into Catholic schools because my parents were so paranoid about me being indoctrinated by the public school system, and who gang up on me whenever I disagree with them on political issues. I fucking hate them. I  sometimes wish they were dead so I can go on with my life feel better about myself. Someone help me.

Dear general, 

Your frustrations certainly can be understood and your wounds are real so let us not trivialize them, but kindly consider: if your parents were to die it would then be your responsibility to cover all expenses. At the very least it might require you to work harder. Please find some moment, memory, or happenstance in your life during which you did not have such negative feelings towards them and try to bring this event to light during times of stress and despair.

As for virginity, Catholicism, weight issues, and living arrangements: be of good cheer that all of these issues are curable--but only once you claim responsibility for yourself. Work on the weight issue by eating properly and exercising more. You will feel better about yourself and be better able to meet women. 

Since you are already miserably Catholic, you may as well take advantage of such a thing by joining a youth/young adults group where likely there are 3 girls for every boy. Dress up for the occasion and be upbeat and kind. 

For the living arrangement scenario, consider only that it is typically not about how much you earn, but how little you spend. Save your money with a view of purchasing a place instead of renting. Mortgage payments are typically lower than rent and provide a forced savings that typically also appreciates.

Regards,

Praetorian

 

 I hate my religion, but I can't leave because my parents would never approve of me being not religious. Even if I met girls at a youth group (at nearly 30), I would have to marry them just to get laid and have to go directly to parenthood. That's not realistic for anyone unless you're a religious nut.

And the housing issue wouldn't be a problem if all houses cost at least a million dollars to purchase in my area. Just to be able to buy a house I would have to move to another state, commute several hours a day from another city, or find another job. I would have to make a down payment of several hundred thousand dollars, which would take several years or even decades if you make 30k a year and don't spend your money on rent, insurance, bills, gas, and food.

This post has been edited.

Let’s face it, Gary Kurtz was purged

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Just get to know some of them, you may find out that not all of them are as devout as they want the general congregation to believe.  (I don't mean to imply using them or anything, you just may find someone who is of a similar mindset) You may get even luckier and find a girl whose frustrated with Catholicism as well.

Are Camel Filters really the best way to keep camels out of your life?

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generalfrevious said:

Post Praetorian said:

generalfrevious said:

Sometimes my life is pure hell. Why do I have such a sociopathic individual for a father? It's his conservatism, his belief that government is always bad people should be personally responsible for their actions and not live on welfare, his belief that climate change is a hoax, his religious extremism, his fucking Amway business (seriously one of the worst things to happen to me is when he joined that goddamn pyramid scheme), the fact that my mother blindly agrees with nearly everything he says, the fact that I make so fucking little at work and everyone is over 50 and I can't make friends, that the rest of my family are a bunch of right wing nutcases who agree with each other, or the misfortune of being catholic and living at home with little hope of affording an apartment because housing prices are so ridiculously fucking high in a shithole run by arrogant hippies who should all fucking die. i would be 60 pounds lighter and not be a loner basement virgin if I wasn't forced into Catholic schools because my parents were so paranoid about me being indoctrinated by the public school system, and who gang up on me whenever I disagree with them on political issues. I fucking hate them. I  sometimes wish they were dead so I can go on with my life feel better about myself. Someone help me.

Dear general, 

Your frustrations certainly can be understood and your wounds are real so let us not trivialize them, but kindly consider: if your parents were to die it would then be your responsibility to cover all expenses. At the very least it might require you to work harder. Please find some moment, memory, or happenstance in your life during which you did not have such negative feelings towards them and try to bring this event to light during times of stress and despair.

As for virginity, Catholicism, weight issues, and living arrangements: be of good cheer that all of these issues are curable--but only once you claim responsibility for yourself. Work on the weight issue by eating properly and exercising more. You will feel better about yourself and be better able to meet women. 

Since you are already miserably Catholic, you may as well take advantage of such a thing by joining a youth/young adults group where likely there are 3 girls for every boy. Dress up for the occasion and be upbeat and kind. 

For the living arrangement scenario, consider only that it is typically not about how much you earn, but how little you spend. Save your money with a view of purchasing a place instead of renting. Mortgage payments are typically lower than rent and provide a forced savings that typically also appreciates.

Regards,

Praetorian

 

 I hate my religion, but I can't leave because my parents would never approve of me being not religious. Even if I met girls at a youth group (at nearly 30), I would have to marry them just to get laid and have to go directly to parenthood. That's not realistic for anyone unless you're a religious nut.

 Really?

Because I know tons of people who have done just that and who I wouldn't call nuts at all.

I know how you feel and I have been there.  If you are having thoughts about harming your family seek help now, either from a professional or someone at your church.

I would advise you to read your bible and pray by yourself on your own when you have these thoughts as well.

Also one of the reasons you may be having problems is that you are only looking at woman as a way to have sex, don't do that.  You will have a much better time of it and be less lonely if you just go somewhere and get to know someone without it just being for the goal of having sex.  Maybe show some respect for the woman around you who are choosing not to have sex outside of marriage and not to use birth control, that is a huge burden they are taking on their part and since we live in a country were respect a woman's choice is carried to the extreme of allowing abortion then surly this choice should also be respected.  If you show some respect and don't look at them as sex objects then you will have better luck.  If you are just looking for sex with out a relationship then saving up your money and getting a motel room and hooker seems like a better option then pretending to like a woman you really despise just to get into bed any more so you are no longer a virgin.

I know how you feel because I am in the same boat and I know how hard this can be to hear but please seek help soon before you harm one of the people who you are lashing out at.

I will be praying for you.

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generalfrevious said:


And the housing issue wouldn't be a problem if all houses cost at least a million dollars to purchase in my area. Just to be able to buy a house I would have to move to another state, commute several hours a day from another city, or find another job. I would have to make a down payment of several hundred thousand dollars, which would take several years or even decades if you make 30k a year and don't spend your money on rent, insurance, bills, gas, and food.

 Your state doesn't have any housing under a million dollars?

Go rent an apartment.

Episode I: The Ridiculous Menace / Episode II: Attack Of The Ridiculousness / Episode III: Revenge of the Ridiculousness

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TV's Frink said:

generalfrevious said:


And the housing issue wouldn't be a problem if all houses cost at least a million dollars to purchase in my area. Just to be able to buy a house I would have to move to another state, commute several hours a day from another city, or find another job. I would have to make a down payment of several hundred thousand dollars, which would take several years or even decades if you make 30k a year and don't spend your money on rent, insurance, bills, gas, and food.

 Your state doesn't have any housing under a million dollars?

Go rent an apartment.

 I wish I could , but the rent's ridiculous too.

Some houses in CA are under a million dollars, but they're in the places like Fresno or Bakersfield.

This post has been edited.

Let’s face it, Gary Kurtz was purged

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generalfrevious said:

TV's Frink said:

generalfrevious said:


And the housing issue wouldn't be a problem if all houses cost at least a million dollars to purchase in my area. Just to be able to buy a house I would have to move to another state, commute several hours a day from another city, or find another job. I would have to make a down payment of several hundred thousand dollars, which would take several years or even decades if you make 30k a year and don't spend your money on rent, insurance, bills, gas, and food.

 Your state doesn't have any housing under a million dollars?

Go rent an apartment.

 I wish I could , but the rent's ridiculous too.

Some houses in CA are under a million dollars, but they're in the places like Fresno or Bakersfield.

 You are not alone buddy.  I know just how you feel.  Before I lost my job I was looking for a place to rent and while prices are nowhere near as sky high here as they are where you live they are pretty high.  Most places here costs around $600 a month to rent and that was without utilities and one room.  The trouble is that because most businesses these day cut hours so much everyone I knew including myself only made around $600-$800 a month and unlike in past decades the landlords today will not let you have room mates because they think they are losing out on another renter if they let more then one person rent the same place.  So getting out of your parent's house is harder then it seems. 

What is worse most people who have never been in this situation don't understand and think people like us are just lazy and refusing to grow up, I would like nothing better then to grow up and that is one of the reasons I need meds for depression.  There is nothing worse then the way some older people look at you when they see you are nearing 30 but have not been able to find a job that pays the bills, I don't think older people really understand what it is like today because the world worked differently when they were kids. 

That is not to say older people didn't have problems but people lasted longer at jobs in the old days and there were not as many laws forcing thing on you, not to mention there is a lack of good jobs.  Back then when you were hired for 40 hours a week you got 40 hours a week, now adays I know some people who are hired for 40 but only get 12-20, that just barely pays for the car and gass they need to get to work.  I don't know if the situation is better in states that are not fire at will, like Delaware, but here my brother the assistant manager at a subway and he can't afford to move out because he only makes just enough money to pay the bills he has right now.  He has whipped three stores in the area into shape and works insane hours but they will not give him a promotion or pay him more and he has been looking for a new job for other a year but no one is hiring.  What is more back in my dad's day he was able to work three part time jobs, but now adays most companies have a policy that they fire you if they find out you have second job, because they want you focused on working for them.  The trouble is that once they cut you down to 12 hours a week that means that unless you find some sort of under the trouble job that pays cash that you do not report to the IRS(thus risking prison time)you only get that 12 hours of work.  Oh and it doesn't matter how well the business is doing, the subway my brother works at brings in about half a million bucks a week, and the wal-mart my mom works at makes close to two million and they always have long lines but they cut people's hours so executive bonuses will be higher. Again I don't know if this situation is different in other states but in Delaware they can fire you and not even give a reason so there are no unions and all the employers treat their workers like dirt.  Unless you go into the military when you turn 18 there are very few options.  I wish I had been on my meds at that point so I could have gone into it but I wasn't so I couldn't drive, let alone pass the fitness tests. Everyone I know who is my age and got somewhere in life had to go into the military to do it.

I know it seems like a lot of people don't understand and give you useless advice but I understand and know that sometimes you just need to vent and not have people give advice so feel free to vent to me if you need to even if you have to PM or email me to do it without being given advice, I don't mind.  I know where you are and I want to help.

Please consider getting some help so you don't feel like murdering your family any more.  I'll be praying for you, hope things get better soon.

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I never said I wanted to murder my family. I said sometimes I wish they were dead; that is not the same as wanting to kill them. I was just angry when I wrote that; I would not be an asshole enough to say say that in front of my parents' face or follow through on that threat. My family sometimes say stupid things that piss me off, but we're not dysfunctional or anything. Wishing they were dead, in hindsight, was a terrible thing to say, even though my feelings act otherwise.

Let’s face it, Gary Kurtz was purged

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I wasn't saying you were a bad person, I just know what it can be like to have huge mood swings.

I was depressed for years and I kept saying that I wished I was dead, but I never thought I would go through with it then last year I did try to kill myself and no one saw it coming, least of all me.

I just don't want to see anyone else go through what I went through because I know what it was like.  I was not judging you.

Sorry if I miss understood your post.

I will be praying for you, hang in there.

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generalfrevious said:

I hate my religion, but I can't leave because my parents would never approve of me being not religious.

Sounds like you've left the religion already, regardless of whether you keep your non-Christianity in the closet or not.

My screenplay index.

“I believe in copyright, within limited precincts. But I also believe in fair use, public domain, and especially transformation.”
— David Shields

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generalfrevious said:

Post Praetorian said:

generalfrevious said:

Sometimes my life is pure hell. Why do I have such a sociopathic individual for a father? It's his conservatism, his belief that government is always bad people should be personally responsible for their actions and not live on welfare, his belief that climate change is a hoax, his religious extremism, his fucking Amway business (seriously one of the worst things to happen to me is when he joined that goddamn pyramid scheme), the fact that my mother blindly agrees with nearly everything he says, the fact that I make so fucking little at work and everyone is over 50 and I can't make friends, that the rest of my family are a bunch of right wing nutcases who agree with each other, or the misfortune of being catholic and living at home with little hope of affording an apartment because housing prices are so ridiculously fucking high in a shithole run by arrogant hippies who should all fucking die. i would be 60 pounds lighter and not be a loner basement virgin if I wasn't forced into Catholic schools because my parents were so paranoid about me being indoctrinated by the public school system, and who gang up on me whenever I disagree with them on political issues. I fucking hate them. I  sometimes wish they were dead so I can go on with my life feel better about myself. Someone help me.

Dear general, 

Your frustrations certainly can be understood and your wounds are real so let us not trivialize them, but kindly consider: if your parents were to die it would then be your responsibility to cover all expenses. At the very least it might require you to work harder. Please find some moment, memory, or happenstance in your life during which you did not have such negative feelings towards them and try to bring this event to light during times of stress and despair.

As for virginity, Catholicism, weight issues, and living arrangements: be of good cheer that all of these issues are curable--but only once you claim responsibility for yourself. Work on the weight issue by eating properly and exercising more. You will feel better about yourself and be better able to meet women. 

Since you are already miserably Catholic, you may as well take advantage of such a thing by joining a youth/young adults group where likely there are 3 girls for every boy. Dress up for the occasion and be upbeat and kind. 

For the living arrangement scenario, consider only that it is typically not about how much you earn, but how little you spend. Save your money with a view of purchasing a place instead of renting. Mortgage payments are typically lower than rent and provide a forced savings that typically also appreciates.

Regards,

Praetorian

 

 I hate my religion, but I can't leave because my parents would never approve of me being not religious. Even if I met girls at a youth group (at nearly 30), I would have to marry them just to get laid and have to go directly to parenthood. That's not realistic for anyone unless you're a religious nut.

Do you believe in your religion? If so, is not a certain level of reward purported to be indexed to one's current suffering?

If not, would you appreciate some advice on how to break the news to them gently while still maintaining a positive relationship?

And the housing issue wouldn't be a problem if all houses cost at least a million dollars to purchase in my area. Just to be able to buy a house I would have to move to another state, commute several hours a day from another city, or find another job. I would have to make a down payment of several hundred thousand dollars, which would take several years or even decades if you make 30k a year and don't spend your money on rent, insurance, bills, gas, and food.

 Do you own a vehicle? Realistically, how far might you have to travel to find a residence closer to the median price of homes in California of $430,000 while still maintaining access to your current source of employment?

In addition, a cursory search has yielded 150,000 homes that are currently available either by auction or are in a state of foreclosure throughout California. You may wish to discover the bank in possession of such homes and make a direct offer. Homes in such a condition have sold for as little as half the normal cost simply to get the property off the books.

Further, the purchase of a townhome, trailer, or condo might be a reasonable possibility. Any option to gain independence might be worth exploring.

Finally, consider: is your complaint that opportunities might be truly beyond your reach or is it more that such reaching requires a degree of effort for which you have not been properly prepared?

Help is available in the latter case so please be frank with yourself as to the situation's true cause.

You may PM me or respond as you prefer.

Regards,

Praetorian

I was once…but now I’m not… Further: zyzzogeton

“It wasn’t the flood that destroyed the pantry…”

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I think it's the latter for the housing situation; The truth is that I have it good at home, but I feel I should have a place at home by now, and unsure if I really want to move out yet. I would rather like to rent, but relatives insist I should buy a house or condo instead. 

Religion, on the other hand: I honestly never cared for my religion, but still hang on due to family obligations. Their viewpoints as I grew older seemed to be out of touch with how people really behave, but I have no valid argument. Growing up in a Catholic environment has made me afraid of sex, and I guess I could understand some points they make, but to me Christianity seems to be anti-modern at its core.

Let’s face it, Gary Kurtz was purged

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generalfrevious said:

Religion, on the other hand: I honestly never cared for my religion, but still hang on due to family obligations. Their viewpoints as I grew older seemed to be out of touch with how people really behave, but I have no valid argument. Growing up in a Catholic environment has made me afraid of sex, and I guess I could understand some points they make, but to me Christianity seems to be anti-modern at its core.

 It has been so from its conception. In the Roman times, it was just as much counter-cultural as it is today. In some cases, it was the same, or similar things that set it apart from the rest of society. Don't think that the sexual revolution is some recent revolution that Christianity hasn't caught up with. Rather, it was Christianity that was the revolution against the culture of pleasure in ancient times, and again at the time of the Reformation (in the latter, of course, it was an internal revolution, returning, at least in part, to the ideals of earlier Christianity).

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generalfrevious said:

I never said I wanted to murder my family. I said sometimes I wish they were dead; that is not the same as wanting to kill them. I was just angry when I wrote that; I would not be an asshole enough to say say that in front of my parents' face or follow through on that threat. My family sometimes say stupid things that piss me off, but we're not dysfunctional or anything. Wishing they were dead, in hindsight, was a terrible thing to say, even though my feelings act otherwise.

 As I started this thread, I usually try to contribute to everyone's distress to at least some extent.  However, I must admit that you are so negative that I am at a loss for what to say.  You really have such a pessimistic outlook on life and anything you disagree with that they only advice I can offer, and I say this without any insult intended, is that you need professional help.  You may need counseling to address such a negative outlook on life and to learn better coping skills with your situations.  We all face challenges, many far worse than yours.  But people learn how to cope with and overcome them.  You seem to prefer to wallow in misery and share that misery with others when you could take the bull by the horns and solve your issues on your own.  If you need help, there is no shame in getting it professionally.  I don't mean to be rude, but sometimes people need a slap in the face to change their thought processes.

The ROTJ collaborative thread is a wealth of ideas, both on how to edit Return of the Jedi, as well as how to collaborate in an edit.

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RicOlie_2 said:

generalfrevious said:

Religion, on the other hand: I honestly never cared for my religion, but still hang on due to family obligations. Their viewpoints as I grew older seemed to be out of touch with how people really behave, but I have no valid argument. Growing up in a Catholic environment has made me afraid of sex, and I guess I could understand some points they make, but to me Christianity seems to be anti-modern at its core.

 It has been so from its conception. In the Roman times, it was just as much counter-cultural as it is today. In some cases, it was the same, or similar things that set it apart from the rest of society. Don't think that the sexual revolution is some recent revolution that Christianity hasn't caught up with. Rather, it was Christianity that was the revolution against the culture of pleasure in ancient times, and again at the time of the Reformation (in the latter, of course, it was an internal revolution, returning, at least in part, to the ideals of earlier Christianity).

I like to consider the better half of Christianity as postmodern, myself. 

My screenplay index.

“I believe in copyright, within limited precincts. But I also believe in fair use, public domain, and especially transformation.”
— David Shields

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generalfrevious said:

I think it's the latter for the housing situation; The truth is that I have it good at home, but I feel I should have a place at home by now, and unsure if I really want to move out yet. I would rather like to rent, but relatives insist I should buy a house or condo instead. 

If you are earning near $30,000 per year and have few expenses due to being able to live at home in a subsidized manner it seems a perfect situation in which you may save up the required down payment on something manageable. It might be outside of your zone of relative comfort, but then so could be considered all meaningful life experiences.

Please consider very carefully every extraneous purchase at this time. It is a common cycle of despondency that erodes ones finances: bad feeling leads to spending in order to compensate for the feelings, justifying same with a narrative of having 'earned' the privilege or 'needing' the release that spending might provide, but every dollar squandered merely adds to the current problem and postpones its solutions. It is the short-term gain, long-term pain strategy whereas you require the inverse.

A challenge accomplished is as rewarding as a series of indulgences so here is a task for you to consider: this month attempt to spend nothing at all on pleasures of any kind for yourself. Place all of your remaining funds in an interest bearing account and watch the balance increase week by week. You might be surprised how quickly you will amass a down-payment--and, by extension, access to personal freedom.

Religion, on the other hand: I honestly never cared for my religion, but still hang on due to family obligations. Their viewpoints as I grew older seemed to be out of touch with how people really behave, but I have no valid argument. Growing up in a Catholic environment has made me afraid of sex, and I guess I could understand some points they make, but to me Christianity seems to be anti-modern at its core.

 Coming to terms with one's religion can be a sign of maturity: a faith performed under protest is no faith at all, just as being forced into continuing an activity in which one does not personally believe is a form of oppression. You must decide the basic purpose of religion in your life. If you truly believe its tenets, but despise them for being difficult then you must seek the assistance of a priest to find some means of discovering solace in what you must bear; if you truly do not believe that your religion has any basis in reality, and are merely conforming to the wishes of others, you must stop such a behavior at once as it serves no purpose: for if God is real he will likely despise your cowardice and if He is not then it will be you who will learn to resent your younger self after the ones you allowed to dictate such control eventually pass beyond the ability to continue to do so--and thirty more years of your life have slipped away. 

If you do not believe in your religion, let the following basic principles guide you further:

1) Do some reasonable research into your faith before casting it aside. Be certain that you understand it thoroughly--both its weaknesses and strengths--so that you might be honest that you are making a fair, and not merely a reactionary, break. 

2) Decide on the means of delivering your decision. Some individuals are better at orating a subject while others prefer the written word. Given that this is your fight, you should choose the field of battle. 

3) Outline your feelings in the most positive and optimistic terms possible. Do not criticize, accuse, seek to score any points, or single out anyone in your decision. Be as fair, or more-so, to those who consider their faith to be real as you would wish them to be towards your dissenting view. Remain calm and do not return an argument for an argument. Your delivery should inspire a consideration that this decision has come about via a step towards maturity rather than an outbreak of petulance.

4) Leave the door open. Do not be autocratic in your decision, but lean towards it by degrees. While leaving your faith might necessitate a cessation of prayerful activities, it might not necessarily mean that you avoid all contact with the faithful. You might agree to continue a regimen of weekly mass attendance while still living at home in order for your family to save face if such might be a potential issue. Concede to having a concern over your parents' feelings and welfare that appears to supersede your own, but do not allow this to be manipulated into a retraction of your lack of faith: this is not about allowing anyone leverage over you; it is about you doing things for others on your own terms out of respect and/or consideration. Any attempt at bullying or badgering will then allow you to withdraw such actions as a countermeasure so ensure that you fulfill your end of the bargain without begrudging the favor. 

5) Do not seek to de-convert anyone. Actions are the most powerful means of proving or disproving your new-found convictions so do not dilute them with needless words and/or arguments. Further, avoid all conversations regarding religion. Make no comment when it is brought up and respond obliquely when questioned directly. It is not up to you to change anyone else's mind just as it is not up to any other person to change your own.

6) Remain ethical. Behave in a superior moral fashion than you did while religious. You do not need others to point out how far you have fallen into depravity since leaving the Church and to thereby assuage their suspicions that the only reason you wished such an exit was in order to be free of rules and obligations. Prove that you are not a lazy and hollow individual by taking up a new activity or volunteer position. Dress better than before and remain calm in situations that might ordinarily have provoked. Act with kindness and consideration, but do not be anyone's fool.

Feel free to seek further advice from those you might trust as circumstances might require and consider researching information on temperaments so as to better understand the motivations of those around you.

Regards,

Praetorian

I was once…but now I’m not… Further: zyzzogeton

“It wasn’t the flood that destroyed the pantry…”

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darth_ender said:

generalfrevious said:

I never said I wanted to murder my family. I said sometimes I wish they were dead; that is not the same as wanting to kill them. I was just angry when I wrote that; I would not be an asshole enough to say say that in front of my parents' face or follow through on that threat. My family sometimes say stupid things that piss me off, but we're not dysfunctional or anything. Wishing they were dead, in hindsight, was a terrible thing to say, even though my feelings act otherwise.

 As I started this thread, I usually try to contribute to everyone's distress to at least some extent.  However, I must admit that you are so negative that I am at a loss for what to say.  You really have such a pessimistic outlook on life and anything you disagree with that they only advice I can offer, and I say this without any insult intended, is that you need professional help.  You may need counseling to address such a negative outlook on life and to learn better coping skills with your situations.  We all face challenges, many far worse than yours.  But people learn how to cope with and overcome them.  You seem to prefer to wallow in misery and share that misery with others when you could take the bull by the horns and solve your issues on your own.  If you need help, there is no shame in getting it professionally.  I don't mean to be rude, but sometimes people need a slap in the face to change their thought processes.

 I can only echo what Ender just said.  It really sounds to me like you are in the same place I was in and I and everyone else for years kept thinking I would get over it and learn to cope on my own and in my case it led to disaster.  Please at least consider getting some help before something bad happen.  I am not saying you are a bad person just that just because nothing has happened yet it does not mean nothing will happen if you keep going down this path.  Please consider getting help for your problems.

I will be praying for you.

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darth_ender said:

 As I started this thread, I usually try to contribute to everyone's distress to at least some extent. 

 Well, thank goodness you haven't been terribly successful. ;)

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