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Star Wars: Knight of the Empire -- Revamped Edition *COMPLETE* — Page 3

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After a night thinking things over, I believe I’ve figured out a few ways to fix the most grievous problems with this screenplay.

  1. Place the battlemoon in the Bajilon system with the clone fleet

  2. Bring SGW-0027 back into the main story

  3. Have Obi-Wan land on Geonosis following Operation Battlemoon/Battle of Bajilon and rescue Darth from the Raiders

This’ll allow the story to have a main villain while also tying Obi-Wan’s and Darth’s stories closer together.

The downside is I don’t know what to do with SGW herself. Between arriving in the Bajilon system and encountering the Jedi saboteurs, she has to do something. There was her ongoing battle of wills with her second-in-command and the Clonemasters, but I don’t think there’s enough of a story there for her, and I’m not going to insert her tangential flashbacks back into the script.

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It’s good that you have SWG-0027 in the Vader role. Regarding her, you could have her replace the Jedi clone that fights Anakin and Obi-Wan at the beginning (that way the two sides can have some familiarity with one another), which could end in Clonemaster Jukassa’s death by the Jedi’s hand (or by hers?).

Another idea (and this is just throwing it out there) is that she wants to overthrow the Clonemasters and establish a superpowers for clones and ONLY clones. This could make her interactions with her second-in-command more interested, as he was constantly jabbing at SWG. Maybe he was really loyal to the Clonemasters only and suspected SWG of treason, which is hinted at as SWG gathers clones (loyal to her) on the battlemoon, at an attempt to use it on the Clonemasters.

Screw lightsabers, I’ll stick with regular swords. At least they won’t blow up in my face like this franchise has.

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Those are good, interesting ideas, Scholar. I’ll see how it goes implementing them.

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I have finished revising the screenplay. Among the fixes I mentioned above and some of Wannabe Scholar’s suggestions, I have made these changes to the screenplay:

  • I have renamed Bajilon Prime/the Bajilon system Townowi/the Townowi system.
  • I have added another Force-adept clone to the plot: THX-1138, SGW’s lover and co-conspirator.
  • I have removed Aayla Secura from the plot and replaced her with Tarkin.

I have modified the entries here to reflect this new draft. Sections of the script which WEREN’T noticeably/significantly modified were placed in quote blocks; portions which WERE modified lie outside the quote blocks.

The link to the pdf of the revised screenplay can be found in my signature below.