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Get ready for "Star Wars - Shroud of the Sith", a radical fan edit of "The Phantom Menace" — Page 4

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You could do it, unfortunately it takes away the only indication we have that Yoda instructed Obi wan.

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Not that it will necessarily pertain to this edit, but I’ve always felt that in the Prequels yoda would have been much more effective as a character less seen and more heard. I always had the impression that yoda was essentially every living jedi’s teacher in that he was like the principal of the jedi “school” and the masters were the “teachers” that taught various disciplines of yoda’s philosophies. Just my two cents.

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Darth Lucas said:

You could do it, unfortunately it takes away the only indication we have that Yoda instructed Obi wan.

This, 100%

I like the idea of nodding to Dooku early on, but this feels like the wrong place, at least in my opinion. Yoda needs to have a “master of masters” presence, if that makes sense. And this bit of dialogue really adds to that.

littlev87 said:

Not that it will necessarily pertain to this edit, but I’ve always felt that in the Prequels yoda would have been much more effective as a character less seen and more heard. I always had the impression that yoda was essentially every living jedi’s teacher in that he was like the principal of the jedi “school” and the masters were the “teachers” that taught various disciplines of yoda’s philosophies. Just my two cents.

I actually really like this idea. Having Yoda as more of a mystical figure really appeals to me. Hmmm…I may have to rethink a few things. I still think his final scene with Obi Wan is absolutely necessary. Idk. This idea, I think, should apply more to Episodes II and III, instead of I.

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Sheepish said:

littlev87 said:

Not that it will necessarily pertain to this edit, but I’ve always felt that in the Prequels yoda would have been much more effective as a character less seen and more heard. I always had the impression that yoda was essentially every living jedi’s teacher in that he was like the principal of the jedi “school” and the masters were the “teachers” that taught various disciplines of yoda’s philosophies. Just my two cents.

I actually really like this idea. Having Yoda as more of a mystical figure really appeals to me. Hmmm…I may have to rethink a few things. I still think his final scene with Obi Wan is absolutely necessary.

That’s pretty much what I’m doing in my edit, although I disagree that his final scene with Obi-Wan is necessary because right after during the funeral, Obi-Wan says to Anakin: “The Council has granted me permission to train you… You will be a Jedi, I promise” that specific line sums up the entire conversation between Yoda and Obi-Wan. Also it’s pretty strange that Obi-Wan is never distressed about Qui-Gon’s death until two scenes later at the Funeral. IMO the Yoda scene is just boring filler.

Prequel Fan-Edit thread: http://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Yet-another-series-of-prequel-edits/id/17329

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Smithers said:

Sheepish said:

littlev87 said:

Not that it will necessarily pertain to this edit, but I’ve always felt that in the Prequels yoda would have been much more effective as a character less seen and more heard. I always had the impression that yoda was essentially every living jedi’s teacher in that he was like the principal of the jedi “school” and the masters were the “teachers” that taught various disciplines of yoda’s philosophies. Just my two cents.

I actually really like this idea. Having Yoda as more of a mystical figure really appeals to me. Hmmm…I may have to rethink a few things. I still think his final scene with Obi Wan is absolutely necessary.

That’s pretty much what I’m doing in my edit, although I disagree that his final scene with Obi-Wan is necessary because right after during the funeral, Obi-Wan says to Anakin: “The Council has granted me permission to train you… You will be a Jedi, I promise” that specific line sums up the entire conversation between Yoda and Obi-Wan. Also it’s pretty strange that Obi-Wan is never distressed about Qui-Gon’s death until two scenes later at the Funeral. IMO the Yoda scene is just boring filler.

I get where you’re coming from. I just like seeing Obi Wan actively opposing the Jedi council, Yoda in particular. Obi Wan sort of inheriting Qui Gon’s “defiance” adds a lot to his character arc in the first film, in my opinion. I think it really does show Obi Wan affected by Qui Gon’s death. He may not seem particularly distressed when talking to Yoda, but he seems angry, which I think is the better emotion for the story and is consistent with his killing Darth Maul.

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darthrush said:

This definetly has taken my interest for possibly taking the throne of my definitive TPM edit once your finished. Might I ask, if you will retain any of Sidious’s hologram scenes. When cut out, I feel it raises the mystery of Darth Maul and makes Yodas final thought at Qui-gons funeral even more thought provoking. Thanks for your efforts!!

Agreed. This sounds incredible!
I haven’t been able to check out any of the clips yet, but it sounds like it’s shaping up to potentially be my go-to version.
Adding Dooku to the funeral scene is a fantastic idea but I’m not sure about him sitting in the council. To me that would more likely make him out to be another throw-away Jedi like Conehead and Squidward if he has no dialogue. I’m more than happy to be wrong on this point, though. Having more Dooku in TPM will definitely help to remedy the disconnect between this and the later two prequel films.

EDIT: I just watched the restructured funeral scene. YES! Absolutely brilliant! Well done!

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saf1916 said:

darthrush said:

This definetly has taken my interest for possibly taking the throne of my definitive TPM edit once your finished. Might I ask, if you will retain any of Sidious’s hologram scenes. When cut out, I feel it raises the mystery of Darth Maul and makes Yodas final thought at Qui-gons funeral even more thought provoking. Thanks for your efforts!!

Agreed. This sounds incredible!
I haven’t been able to check out any of the clips yet, but it sounds like it’s shaping up to potentially be my go-to version.
Adding Dooku to the funeral scene is a fantastic idea but I’m not sure about him sitting in the council. To me that would more likely make him out to be another throw-away Jedi like Conehead and Squidward if he has no dialogue. I’m more than happy to be wrong on this point, though. Having more Dooku in TPM will definitely help to remedy the disconnect between this and the later two prequel films.

EDIT: I just watched the restructured funeral scene. YES! Absolutely brilliant! Well done!

The Dooku bit at the funeral is turning out better than I was expecting it to, that’s for sure!

And yea, I’m still on the fence about adding Dooku into the council scene(s). There are pros and cons. For me, I feel like Dooku would already be struggling with the Jedi order at this point and probably wouldn’t be sitting in on every council meeting. Or if he was, someone like Yoda or Windu would sense his confusion/conflict in the same way they’d sense Anakin’s fear. For that reason alone, I feel like Dooku wouldn’t want to be around them. This would also explain his isolation at the funeral.

On the flip side of this, Dooku would have more of an impact at the end of the film if he and QGJ shared screen time at an earlier point. If he is seen with the council earlier on, then his leaving would definitely carry more weight, I think. But at the same time, keeping him a mystery/cliffhanger at the end works extremely well for the first “episode” of a saga. It’s a difficult piece of the puzzle to place.

The way I currently have the funeral scene cut, it’s heavily implied that Dooku may be the “master” Yoda is referring to in his “master and apprentice” speech. Which, actually, Dooku is the “master” that is left, now that his “apprentice” (QGJ) was destroyed. There’s a double meaning there, but you wouldn’t really pick up on it until you see the second episode, where it’s revealed that Dooku was QGJ’s master. If there was a way to establish Dooku as QGJ’s master early on in Episode I, then the audience would probably pick up on the double meaning, which would open up a whole mess of other questions, if this was their introduction to Star Wars.

On that note, the council wouldn’t be a great place to put Dooku, as there would still be no indication that he was once the master of QGJ. He’d just be a familiar face by the time you’d see him at the funeral, which may or may not take away from his presence. And if you drop an expostional line about “Dooku” being QGJ’s old master, you still wouldn’t know what he looked like, or that the guy at the funeral was Dooku.

I just don’t know…

I’ll probably keep him out of the rest of the film. Or maybe I’ll throw him in a council scene and see what you guys think of it.

Also, sorry for the novel there.

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Would it be possible to have a quick scene maybe after the council scene where Obi wan overhears a conversation between qui gon and dooku? You wouldn’t even really have to see them, they could be on another side of a wall or something. And Obi wan is just overhearing. Theres gotta be phantom menace footage of Obi wan walking and then standing around looking concerned that could be rotoscoped onto a new background.

And both Liam Neeson and Christopher Lee have a wide enough body of work to pull dialogue from. I imagine there’s quite a bit of useful dialogue you could pull from hobbit/lotr.

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Darth Lucas said:

Would it be possible to have a quick scene maybe after the council scene where Obi wan overhears a conversation between qui gon and dooku? You wouldn’t even really have to see them, they could be on another side of a wall or something. And Obi wan is just overhearing. Theres gotta be phantom menace footage of Obi wan walking and then standing around looking concerned that could be rotoscoped onto a new background.

And both Liam Neeson and Christopher Lee have a wide enough body of work to pull dialogue from. I imagine there’s quite a bit of useful dialogue you could pull from hobbit/lotr.

You probably could. But even so, if you don’t actually see Dooku talking to Qui Gon, you won’t know that the guy at the funeral is even him. I mean, if you know the series, then you would, and it’s fine. But I think part of the storytelling issues in the prequels is the over-reliance of pre-existing knowledge of the other films. Leaning on this crutch in an edit, I think, is a mistake.

I’m doing my best to treat this edit as an introduction to the Star Wars mythos, to the extent I can.

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I love your ideas, especially when it comes to Count Doku. I always thought he should have been in the first movie. (along with a few other characters, I had posted some great ideas in the “radical prequel ideas” thread I think.) I have a suggestion though. Could you somehow remove Jar Jar from Tattoine entirely? (lets say that he never left the ship as since he is useless he has no purpose fallowing them along.) And remove little Anakin from the final battle? (lets say that he stayed at the Jedi Temple. Because why would they bring a child along to the war zone?)

That would make the movie much much better I think. (I tried to do just that in my edit but I no longer have the time)

I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away..

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sansuni said:

I love your ideas, especially when it comes to Count Doku. I always thought he should have been in the first movie. (along with a few other characters, I had posted some great ideas in the “radical prequel ideas” thread I think.) I have a suggestion though. Could you somehow remove Jar Jar from Tattoine entirely? (lets say that he never left the ship as since he is useless he has no purpose fallowing them along.) And remove little Anakin from the final battle? (lets say that he stayed at the Jedi Temple. Because why would they bring a child along to the war zone?)

That would make the movie much much better I think. (I tried to do just that in my edit but I no longer have the time)

I’m sure a decent cut could be made without Jar Jar on Tatooine and Anakin absent from the climax, but that’s not currently what my goals are. I’ve rewritten Jar Jar to have much more of a purpose, and he really needs to be on Tatooine for at least a few scenes in particular.

And In my edit, Anakin destroying the control ship is what wins the whole battle for everyone. He also has a big “use the force” moment in the climax that I think really helps his character arc.

So, yea. Those scenes will remain, at least in my edit. But I’m sure there are cuts out there that do what you’re suggesting.

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Smithers, I noticed from your YouTube trailer that you’re now using the words ‘Shroud of the Dark Side’ instead of ‘Shroud of the Sith’ which you named this thread with, which reminded me of the following edit -

I don’t normally comment on/review other people’s editing choices for the prequels, as I have my own very strongly-held, specific ‘cutlists’ planned for each of them…but just as an aside, I came across this recently posted edit called ‘StarWars Episode I-III Shroud of the DarkSide Prequel Trilogy (Fan Edit) - RE-EDITED’…which has some ‘interestingly’-spelt words in it’s new scroll…

After all that effort, poor guy, heh. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgvZxBbh6dE

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ImperialFighter said:

Smithers, I noticed from your YouTube trailer that you’re now using the words ‘Shroud of the Dark Side’ instead of ‘Shroud of the Sith’ which you named this thread with, which reminded me of the following edit -

I don’t normally comment on/review other people’s editing choices for the prequels, as I have very strongly-held, specific ‘cutlists’ of my own planned for each of them…but just as an aside, I came across this recently posted edit called ‘StarWars Episode I-III Shroud of the DarkSide Prequel Trilogy (Fan Edit) - RE-EDITED’…which has some ‘interestingly’-spelt words in it’s new scroll…

After all that effort, poor guy, heh. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgvZxBbh6dE

I think you’re referring to me, instead of Smithers. But yea, I’m bouncing back and forth between “Shroud of the Sith” and “Shroud of the Dark Side”. I didn’t realize there was another edit called “Shroud of the Dark Side”, so I’ll probably stick with the “Sith” version.

That being said…that crawl was tough to get through. And the paragraph alignment was already all over the place. I’d like to give the rest of his edit the benefit of the doubt, but it makes me wonder. Maybe one of us should help this person out?

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Sheepish said:

I think you’re referring to me, instead of Smithers. But yea, I’m bouncing back and forth between “Shroud of the Sith” and “Shroud of the Dark Side”. I didn’t realize there was another edit called “Shroud of the Dark Side”, so I’ll probably stick with the “Sith” version.

Sorry about that Sheepish, I got you both mixed up as I was typing that quickly. As for your title, ‘Shroud of the Sith’ sounds good too, if you decide to go with that.

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And yea, I’m still on the fence about adding Dooku into the council scene(s). There are pros and cons. For me, I feel like Dooku would already be struggling with the Jedi order at this point and probably wouldn’t be sitting in on every council meeting. Or if he was, someone like Yoda or Windu would sense his confusion/conflict in the same way they’d sense Anakin’s fear. For that reason alone, I feel like Dooku wouldn’t want to be around them. This would also explain his isolation at the funeral.

On the flip side of this, Dooku would have more of an impact at the end of the film if he and QGJ shared screen time at an earlier point. If he is seen with the council earlier on, then his leaving would definitely carry more weight, I think. But at the same time, keeping him a mystery/cliffhanger at the end works extremely well for the first “episode” of a saga. It’s a difficult piece of the puzzle to place.

So DIFFICULT.

Honestly it could go either way and it would be valid. Personally I’d like to see him. Just once, he doesn’t even need to say anything. Just have him there. But on the otherhand, if you wanted to make this more sequel-ish I’m guessing you’d go more toward the mystery plot.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

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ImperialFighter said:

Sheepish said:

I think you’re referring to me, instead of Smithers. But yea, I’m bouncing back and forth between “Shroud of the Sith” and “Shroud of the Dark Side”. I didn’t realize there was another edit called “Shroud of the Dark Side”, so I’ll probably stick with the “Sith” version.

Sorry about that Sheepish, I got you both mixed up as I was typing that quickly. As for your title, ‘Shroud of the Sith’ sounds good too, if you decide to go with that.

It’s all good. And thanks. More than likely, I’ll end up going with “Shroud of the Sith”

dkeighobadi said:

And yea, I’m still on the fence about adding Dooku into the council scene(s). There are pros and cons. For me, I feel like Dooku would already be struggling with the Jedi order at this point and probably wouldn’t be sitting in on every council meeting. Or if he was, someone like Yoda or Windu would sense his confusion/conflict in the same way they’d sense Anakin’s fear. For that reason alone, I feel like Dooku wouldn’t want to be around them. This would also explain his isolation at the funeral.

On the flip side of this, Dooku would have more of an impact at the end of the film if he and QGJ shared screen time at an earlier point. If he is seen with the council earlier on, then his leaving would definitely carry more weight, I think. But at the same time, keeping him a mystery/cliffhanger at the end works extremely well for the first “episode” of a saga. It’s a difficult piece of the puzzle to place.

So DIFFICULT.

Honestly it could go either way and it would be valid. Personally I’d like to see him. Just once, he doesn’t even need to say anything. Just have him there. But on the otherhand, if you wanted to make this more sequel-ish I’m guessing you’d go more toward the mystery plot.

When I get back into town, I’ll probably do a mock-up of Dooku on the council or something for a scene, and see what you guys think of it.

To be honest though, at the moment I’m leaning toward just showing Dooku at the end.

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Nice voice effects. Don’t forget to have someone spellchecker your subtitles. “Sympathy” was missing an “m”.

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Sheepish said:

So, this is what I’m working with for the Neimoidian voices. In this particular scene, they are speaking Neimoidian, obviously. I also have the Viceroy speaking English to the pilot at the beginning of the film, but he speaks Neimoidian to the Queen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uTSdXMvPco&feature=youtu.be

They sound pretty good to me, although the protocol droid sounds to me like a rearranged. IMO the droid should speak english but if you want to record a new voice for it, it doesn’t have to be a girl.

Prequel Fan-Edit thread: http://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Yet-another-series-of-prequel-edits/id/17329

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Smithers said:

Sheepish said:

So, this is what I’m working with for the Neimoidian voices. In this particular scene, they are speaking Neimoidian, obviously. I also have the Viceroy speaking English to the pilot at the beginning of the film, but he speaks Neimoidian to the Queen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uTSdXMvPco&feature=youtu.be

They sound pretty good to me, although the protocol droid sounds to me like a rearranged. IMO the droid should speak english but if you want to record a new voice for it, it doesn’t have to be a girl.

Yea, the droid’s speech is a rearrangement. I wasn’t sure how I was going to approach the droid, but that’s what I’ve got at the moment. My reasoning for having the droid speak Neimoidian is to sort of nod back to C3PO speaking to Ewoks in RotJ. Also, I feel like it makes sense to have the droid speak Neimoidian to the Neimoidians and English to the Jedi. Which is also why I rearranged the pre-existing vocals, to keep the voice consistent. Otherwise, I’ll have to redub all of the droid’s lines.

darth_ender said:

Nice voice effects. Don’t forget to have someone spellchecker your subtitles. “Sympathy” was missing an “m”.

Damnit lol. Thanks for the heads up.

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I feel like the voices are too airy and too clicky, like someone was told to make random clicking and vowel sounds with a low voice. Also, the other Nemodian’s voices don’t match between the two times he speaks. I don’t know where you got them from, so I’m not blaming you. It’s just my opinion

No offense, kid, but I don’t think you know how to boil water.

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liamnotneeson said:

Also, the other Nemodian’s voices don’t match between the two times he speaks. I don’t know where you got them from, so I’m not blaming you. It’s just my opinion

I’m recording them all myself. I did record the Viceroy’s lines on two separate days, so maybe I lost the “rhythm” between the two deliveries along the way. I’ll probably take a day and just re-record them all back to back to maintain consistency.

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My only problems with it are that the protocol droid doesn’t really sound to me like it’s speaking the same language, it’s a lot less ‘clicky’. And the Nemoidian that isn’t Nute Gunray has two different voices.