So, consider me a BIG FAN of this idea! 😄
YAY! I said something of worth! 😄
An interesting thought, but the problem is that it removes Bruce staring furiously at Superman above, which I think is an essential moment.
That all being said, I was actually trying to go with the idea that the girl may have died for the version of the edit currently circulating (the large metal beam cuts off the Metropolis sequence in the beginning and then the conversation with the girl only is in the dream). Because we only see the girl saved in Bruce’s dream, it was ambiguous whether or not he managed to save her in real life. All that is clear, being a dream, is that Bruce clearly hates Superman.
The more I think about it, the more sense it makes to keep the girl alive, I just liked the idea of having something aburpt and violent wake Bruce up since he basically jumps out of his chair when he wakes up in that scene. But having him stare angrily at Superman and having the girl point at where her mother once was does much more for his Super-Hate (see what I did there?).
Short version of post, girl dying means ruder awakening, girl living means more Super-Hate. Logic (by logic, I mean my opinion) dictates that more Super-hate is better for the story.
But it’s your edit and I trust your judgement since I really liked this edit, which I forgot to mention in my previous post, lifes been kinda crazy lately, but when I get the time I’ll watch the edit with a pencil and paper at my side for notes so that I can give you a detailed review since honestly, you deserve no less. Good Luck! 😄