Concerning your issue with the jarring nature of the ‘Apocalypse Now’ shot, I had similar feelings and tried removing it from that sequence and replacing it in Jakku after the Stormtroopers call in an air strike on Finn and Rey. I was unwilling to lose the shot entirely but didn’t like it’s usage in the original edit, and so I felt both sequences benefited from the change.
Tomo, after we see and hear the ships overhead, I guess you’re just cutting from Rey turning and starting to run back through the woods with BB-8, directly to the shot of Maz leading Han, Finn, & Chewie to the lightsabre, and then directly to Rey & BB-8 finishing off running through the woods towards the ‘palace’ then? - so although you would miss hearing the sound of the approaching TIEs due to losing the ‘Apocalypse Now’ shot at the point it currently is, you’d hear them soon enough anyway near the end of the ‘Maz/lightsabre’ scene, before returning to Rey arriving back at the ‘palace’.
That could work fine for anyone that finds the ‘Apocalypse Now’ shot of the TIEs against the sun TOO jarring, I guess. Although it kinda looks as if it’s more suited to the sun-drenched Jakku setting, the shot shows about 5 TIEs approaching, whereas only 2 TIEs arrive for the ‘air strike’ during that sequence. But if that’s a particular inconsistent ‘compromise’ that you’re happy to ignore, then it sounds fair enough as an idea.
I’m curious to know where you’ve decided to place it though, as the dialogue of the trooper calling in the ‘air strike’ unfortunately overlaps slightly into the current next close-up shot of Rey & Finn continuing to run, so doesn’t seem to fit there without some ‘audio manipulation/tweaking’ to work perfectly. Another place I looked at putting it, was at the point a little after that, where Rey & Finn are inside a tent, and begin to hear the TIEs for the first time. Perhaps you slotted it in just after the point they are listening in close-up…and then after the ‘Apocalypse Now’ shot, you then continued as Finn grabs her hand and she tells him to let go of her? Either way, I’m interested to know.
However, I’ve decided I’m going to keep the ‘Apocalypse Now’ shot at some point during the my re-edited lead-up to the attack on Maz’s ‘palace’, no matter what. Where exactly will depend on whether I keep the existing ‘Starkiller firing’ scene half-way through the movie as normal, or whether I end up showing it firing AFTER Han’s death scene. I know this ‘stylised’/somewhat jarring shot doesn’t entirely reflect the number and kind of ships that are seen earlier overhead Rey either…but it’s something I’m willing to ‘compromise’ on and accept for my own ideal version.