Digitally change the lightsaber to make it Luke’s Lightsaber. The green one.
Why? Ren wants the saber because it was originally Vader’s. If it was Luke’s saber from Jedi why would he want it at all?
- The crawl also was a bit too “personal” with the use of “Luke” and “Leia” so frequently.
-ORIGINAL:
Episode VII
THE FORCE AWAKENSLuke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed.
With the support of the REPUBLIC, General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE. She is desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy.
Leia has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Jakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke’s whereabouts….
-MY SUGGESTION:
Episode VII
THE FORCE AWAKENSLuke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last of the fabled Jedi Knights, has been destroyed. Fear once again grips the galaxy.
To combat the growing threat, the NEW REPUBLIC has enlisted the help of Skywalker’s twin, General Leia Organa, to lead a brave new RESISTANCE. In a desperate attempt to find her brother and gain his help in the conflict, General Organa has dispatched her most daring pilot on a secret mission to the desert planet of Jakku. There, an old ally waits, claiming to have at last discovered the key to finding Luke, and with him the salvation of them all…
I agree with substituting the names, but I don’t think the sentences need to be changed that much. They don’t have to be longer to be better. I also think the crawl should stay as three paragraphs because they’re timed to the music.