Hi possessed, I don't know what else to add but please take it easy now, one day at the time. Maybe you can't afford counseling at the moment but at least talk to someone (friends, family, us, etc) to get it off your chest, we may not understand the specific way you feel or the exact path your life is right now but don't forget that we all suffered at some point in life and someway or another we can all help you trough these hard times. I send you a hug
May the force be with you.