Ok - half hour in and so far I like the way its set up.
Only thing I'd change is slow down the video/audio when Yoda says "Obi-Wan wouldve told you long ago had I let him." so that it matches the scene, and deepen his voice a bit.
Then when Obi-Wan appears, cut the line "Why didn't you tell me" because we now know why.
After Luke arrives on Tatooine but before the cave scene, show the emperor arriving on DS2. Then show the cave scene WITHOUT the Vader voice over.