Using [offtopic] or [offstory] tags.
Making all your posts about alternate universes and timelines.
Making all your posts about the things you hate.
Making all your posts about how evil your country is.
Overreacting to everything in every post.
Acting like a jerk, disappearing for six months, and then coming back to act like a jerk again.
Repeating unfunny jokes over and over.
Asking for a myspleen invite when no one here has ever heard of you.
Asking for a myspleen invite in a project thread.
Not updating the forum software.
Banning Ric Olie.
Trying to steal Ric Olie’s thunder.
Not watching my edits.
Not reviewing my edits.
Calling something you don’t like “retarded.”
Saying “alot” a lot without posting a picture of an alot.
Not using punctuation
Not capitalizing the first word in your sentence.
Starting a thread without consulting The New Thread Thread first.
Making a list.
Asking a question when you could have Googled it faster.
Encouraging another offense on the list.
Disappearing for months or years (forever?) when I like you.
Not disappearing ever when I don’t like you.
Intentionally make grammar/spelling mistakes just to take the piss.
Using British/Australian slang.
Lacking a sense of humor.
Insisting you have a sense of humor.
Being twooffour, easterhay, or imperialscum.
Bumping old threads to say something boring.
Quoting a long post right after the long post.
Bumping newer threads just to move them ahead of older threads.
Disliking beer.
Using a period and a parenthesis after a number in a list.
Being Darth Id.
Signing your name in every post.
Using “allot” instead of “alot.”
Calling anyone a “Mary Sue” who doesn’t have “Mary” or “Sue” in their name.
Milking a moof.
Eating Gilbert Grape.
Ranking TFA lower than any PT “movie” for any reason.
Listing seven or eight movies in a thread where you’re supposed to rank six.
Listing TV shows, books, plays, musicals, or parole hearings when you’re supposed to rank movies.
Changing DuracellEnergizer’s name to Durasmell
#BeingHansi
Using hashtags
Purposefully spamming threads with the Markdown Syntax message
Calling the Toy Story Sequels soulless cash grabs
Living with cat shit
Averaging anywhere near 40 posts a day over a period longer than one month
Having a Hentai avatar
Threatening another member with a tennis ball
Using “ur” instead of “your” or “you’re” or “you are.” Using “Ur” to refer to the Sumerian city is acceptable. Stammuring “ur” in combination with “um” is also acceptable.
Never ever having once eaten a pancake without syrup

More to follow…