The story is good. You show Anakin's fall well, dealing with the conflict between him and Obi-Wan as well as his and Padme's relationship.
However, there a concept I was not too sure about. First, Padme giving birth and her death: Luke and Leia being surgically removed from Padme was interesting take, but I thought Padme would survive, go into hiding, and die some years later while taking care of Leia (because Leia talks about her in Return of the Jedi).
Besides that, there is one other thing: Show Bail Organa in the story. Since he's referenced in Leia's message, showing Bail with Obi-Wan would give a nice introduction. We can get a good understanding of his character and show him forming the Rebel Alliance from the former Separists worlds taken in by the Republic.
Other than that, there's nothing else I can say. It is an interesting idea and I can't wait to see the finale.