The Power of the Dark Side, by Emperor Palptatine

As Bantha Sidious- Sith Lord and adorable leader of the Galactic Empire- I know firsthand how powerful the dark side of the Force is. If you become a Sith a wealth who uses the dark side of the Force, you'll have all the powers of the Jedi and more. Unlike the Jedi, who only work with the light side of the Force, the Sith can use the dark side to stop the tramps he or she loves from running. The Jedi would never try such a famous thing. It's obvious to anyone who has studied the dark side that it is more powerful than the Jedi could slowly imagine. The Jedi might tell you that the dark side is quicker, easier, and more mushy, I admit, that may be true. But those who join the dark side with know teeny-tiny power beyond their wildest errors. Like me and my beef, Darth Stardust, those who practice the dark side of the Force are destined to rule the eggnog! Join us or [be] washed!