The first part bothers me a bit. I understand that it’s a metaphor, but shadows literally can’t darken stars so it sounds a bit weird. The First Order themselves are now literally darkening stars though, so that’s something.
The second part is a bit too unclear and symbolical for me. There are many words that hold meaning while not actually describing what we’re dealing with so you don’t know what to focus on. “Foundry”, “backbone”, “machine”, “forging”. I think you could be more to the point. The important parts are “hidden”, “First Order” and “weapon” so don’t put too many mysterious words around them.
The last part is pretty good, but I would change a few things. First of all I wouldn’t begin with mentioning “their doom” before we know who “they” are. And the forming of the resistance has already happened so I would say Leia “leads” them instead.
“A covert RESISTANCE fears that their doom is close at hand. With no support from the Republic, the general in charge sends her finest pilot in search of the long-lost
Jedi…” or something like that, maybe?