My mother began pressing me to talk to her tonight. She seems to think I’m still depressed (I am, but I can’t let her know that I’m too bad). She tried to convince me to stay home at a local university this fall, but I don’t think I can make myself stay. Then again, if I leave, I don’t think I’ll survive. My gay ass deserves to rot. I don’t see what the point in living is, I’m never truly going to be happy, I’m never going to let myself for one reason or another.
Personally, I hope you get the chance to go to a bigger university away from where you live. There you’d very quickly learn that the kind of mindset you’ve been brought up in is very much in the minority and that most people out there are incredibly accepting of people for who they are. This world’s got a lot to offer, and you’re a good guy, you deserve to find that out for yourself.
(also the truth is, most gay guys are actually a lot smarter and more thoughtful than straight guys)