Hi fellas. Progress update. Last Wednesday I came back from the South of Englandshire. I hadn’t slept much for days worried how things would turn out. It’s quite a long journey back on the train 7ish hours so very tired. My now ex partner pressed me for details so I told him about the mental health problems and that I had to leave him if I were to get better. He was sober to start with was very apologetic. Got progressively drunk and tearful and asked me to stay and talked about leaving me his money in his will and feeling suicidal. I managed to steer him to his bedroom to sleep it off. The next day was my first day at work. When I got home my now ex was spending the night in Edinburgh with someone else. So I tried to cheer myself up by using social media.The silence got to me and the magnitude of what I had just done had got to me and I noticed something. The people I know on Twitter with a mental health background or training all had me on mute. Including people I considered friends. Real friends responded and a few random strangers but not these particular people who know what’s been going on. I felt very let down and humiliated. And I found myself looking at a packet of sedatives and thinking I could take half of one and sleep or take all of them and sleep. Thankfully those that did answer helped me decide the right course. But despite sedation I only got a couple of hours sleep. Next morning I had to go to work. I felt like a zombie. I had to take long bus journey and on the way I had a complete meltdown. Uncontrollable tears on a mostly full bus and nobody asked if I was okay. Just ignored. When the ex got home he decided that it would be for the best if he got an extension built to the house so I could have space. I reminded him that I was leaving. The next day I checked a couple of flats in Glasgow. I picked one and paid the holding fee. Letting a flat is much more complicated than it was so I need to get credit checks and references together. So I had to go through the weekend in the same house as my ex and the drinking resumed as did the shouting and the muttering of obscenities as he passed my bedroom door. As before help came not from the people I expected to help but from others. Fast forward to today. I called one of our volunteers at work to try and get some forms filled. She has bipolar disorder and I discovered she has been detained in hospital over Christmas and New year. So my first thought is to visit her. Then I think a card from everyone at the office would be a nice touch and might lift her spirits. So I get one and circulate it. And there is this one chap and he is umming and arring about signing the card because he doesn’t know her well. Bear in mind this is for a lady who gave the office a huge box of chocolates for Christmas with no stipulation as to who should or shouldn’t eat them. She’s got a known mental health problem and she’s in a mental health ward and the guy is our mental first aider and one of the people muting me knowing my problems. So I just felt really let down there. I got him to sign the thing under duress and went to visit her. She loved the card regardless she looked withdrawn and distant when I arrived and really perked up by the time I left. When I got home my ex was very helpful and supportive so that was better. TLDR I am single, I have a flat sorted. And I’m a bit wiser about who my friends are.
Hello bingo. I’m unaware of who you are or what you’re really going through (besides of what you said in the post) because I’m new here. However I can see you’re a really nice person, and that alone would make me wish all and only the best for you. Given that you’re also going through hard times, those feelings that you should only get the best intensify. I’m not religious, but I’ll pray for you. I truly hope things get better for you, and they will. Really.
Hope you, and everything, get better to you.
It’s a big step to move on my own to a pretty big city where I know almost nobody. So I’m pretty nervous anyway and I’m already aware of my deficiencies. I don’t need them reinforced by someone at work who is young enough to my child for heaven’s sake. It’s 2:40am and I still can’t sleep and I have work in the morning with this chap. Part of me wants to find out what’s going on and ask him but another part of me wants to keep my dignity intact.