Here is my final cut, including music:
https://vimeo.com/246094567
pass: huxI believe this music works fine, and I would personally prefer to only use John Williams’ music if possible. But this is how the scene plays out now, so you can make something for it.
Sounds very seamless to me. The only criticism I have is what I posted before. It should either start with Hux telling Snoke of the Republics destruction or if the intention is to imply that they talked about that off-screen, then Hux shouldn’t start with “Supreme Leader, …” as that sounds like the first sentence of a conversation.
Understandable, but in Hal’s words from last page: “I totally agree that such dialogue would be great to have there, but I don’t think the existing material to work with yield something worthy of inclusion.”
I don’t know if it would be good to imply that they’ve been talking by seemingly beginning in the middle of a conversation because either way the left out conversation is still just in our “headcanon” and audiences watching wouldn’t necessarily come to the conclusion that they had that exact conversation just by leaving out “Supreme Leader”. And the imagined left out conversation can still make sense with how it’s presented now.
Would it not be possible to include the video game line and add a slight echo to all of Hux’s lines to help it blend? I like the line a lot, and he is speaking loudly in a vast chamber.
It would be possible, but I don’t think it would sound great. And I still think it’s a problem how there’s no reaction or acknowledgement from Snoke. Perhaps if you use the “good” from later, but that’s still an underwhelming reaction. And the “swept aside” line itself is not dramatic enough, in my opinion. They blew up planets, they’re not “aside”, they’re gone forever.
So I don’t know, it can be done, but the result wouldn’t be seamless enough.
I think the “it is wreckage” line works. After Alderaan was destroyed there sure was a lot of wreckage. The planet is gone but you can sure bet there is wreckage so if that line could be put in more seamlessly than the video game line (which I agree does not sound good enough), then I think that would work.