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Post #1138958

Author
Sir Ridley
Parent topic
TFA: A Gentle Restructure
Date created
6-Dec-2017, 5:01 AM

MalàStrana said:

Just a quick remark about the first paragraph of the crawl. Currently it is:

In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire, plotting its return to power.

Wouldn’t it work better with this slight change ?

In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER, risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire, is plotting its return to power.

They have different meaning, though. The first one says that the First Order has risen in the absence of Luke Skywalker, and is also plotting their return to power. The second one says that the First Order is plotting in his absence, and they have also risen from the ashes at some point. I think the first one flows better and makes a bit more sense to me.

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