That’s not bad! I would change a few things. I would make the first sound of the escaped rathtar more dramatic. I would probably cut away to a quick shot of escaped rathtars. And I would put the rathtar on the window before Han says they’re going out at light speed (to give him a clear reason to do so).

And then you’d have to change how the First Order finds out about BB-8’s location and Snoke’s line about that. And then there’s the thing with Chewie being injured which might be tricky to deal with. You’d have to either remove Chewie’s injury after the rathtar scene or add the bandage to before the rathtar scene (which might be easier).

Anyway, I’ll try this out, it could work for my edit.