Personally, I’d cut all of Saw and Bodhi’s scenes before Jyn and Cassian get to Saw’s group. This way you’d meet Saw with Jyn (you can take the shot of Saw’s legs walking from the scene where he meets Bodhi in the original version to give his meeting with Jyn a more “character introduction” feel) and Bodhi with Cassian. You can tone Bodhi’s post-Bor Gullet confusion down too.
Haven’t gotten a chance to watch your clips yet, but I’m a big fan of the ideas you’ve got for this edit.
(I would definitely cut Artoo and Threepio and Ponda Baba and Evazan’s cameos, though.)