David Bowie’s Labyrinth bulge was scary when I was a child but as I grew older I began to appreciate it for what it was. It’s the Christmas tree effect: the perception of size is relative to the space you occupy so when you’re a child the Christmas tree is a towering behemoth, but as you grow physically larger it becomes increasingly less intimidating and eventually you realize you were wrong all along: It was never so huge, there’s nothing to be afraid of.

I feel my relationship with the bulge has developed along similar lines. I would string lights and tinsel on it and put a gift or two underneath it for closure but sadly his bulge is in Heaven.