Can’t just quit. Could be deadly. Can’t afford to go through medical detox again. For a while anyway. I’ve tried to taper off but every time I start to make progress something happens in my life and I feel like my nerves are going to go crazy if I don’t resume normal drinking (which is something I would just deal with if I weren’t worried that intense nerves + alcohol withdrawal might bring my vitals to the edge of danger) so every time I make progress it goes down the toilet. I suppose I could just keep trying to taper, and even if it doesn’t work the reduced drinking for the limited time will at least give my body a little rest.
If I were you, I would cut down in my work, get Medicaid, and seek help. You truly need substance abuse therapy. Maybe the inpatient thing didn’t work out for you (largely because of cost, which I believe). But you need help, and sadly, behavioral health/substance abuse services are most beneficial for the poor and rich. The middle class get stuck with high medical bills. Seriously, your health is more important than your work. There are better jobs out there than management at Wal-Mart. Perhaps you can even take a leave of absence for a while as you get your health back. But you truly need help, and you shouldn’t let the cost deter you. You should do what it takes to get that help.