I like the idea and the execution is promising, but I don’t think this should be included in this particular edit.

Don’t get me wrong. I like your ideas but unlike the added Snap dialog in the briefing scene which explains the Republic’s absence in the final battle and thus strengthens the restructure, this one is completely independant from the original goal. The same goes for your R2 edit as well.
From my point of view it might be better if you started your own edit based on Hal’s restructure to implement all these additional small changes. But in the end it’s Hal’s call of course 😃