I’ve taken out Tatooine… works much better now. Vader also now says “Send a detachment to retrieve them.” instead of “Send a detachment DOWN to retrieve them.”
(still needs to be fine-tuned, but gets the idea across)
I like a lot of what you’ve done. I think you could remove the droids crossing the hall and have Vader entering sooner.
I also think you can still show Tantive escaping and being chased by the Star Destroyer. Vader is just already on board.