I wanted to like this movie, I really did, but Rogue One was doomed for me almost from the start simply by virtue of the fact that it was a prequel. Almost without exception, I hate prequels. I know exactly how they are going to end, and the freedom of the writers to come up with a creative story is inherently limited because they have to find a way to build to that end. Plus they can almost never resist winking at the audience by having some character make some remark that is unnaturally prescient (“You’re going to be the death of me”), or forcing cameos and callbacks to the originals (Cantina guys in this movie). I call this stuff “member berry” stuff, and it annoys me. TFA, though a sequel, certainly had problems with it too–indeed South Park’s mockery of it is the namesake of “member berry”–but it wasn’t as direct or constant as it was in either this movie or Lucas’s prequels. More importantly, I did not know where the story was going because for the first time since 1983 the plot of a Star Wars movie was building to brand new events unknown to the viewers. The plot itself might have been “poetry” that rhymed with the original movie, but the end had me leaving the theater with questions and looking forward to seeing them answered.
Also, the characters were new, fresh, and interesting. The complete and total opposite of the characters in this film. Other than “Jyn Erso,” I cannot recall a single one’s name, and that’s only because she was the main character and certainly not because she was a good character. All the characters were pretty much underdeveloped and had no personality. The robot was the only one who was even a slight exception, and he was still basically just a stock character. They all were. They were cardboard cutouts, vehicles to forward the plot of the movie and then be disposed of at the end. The fact that we never related to them means that disposal has no impact when it comes and we’re just bored. When I’m yawning at the death of a movie’s main character, something has gone severely wrong.
The movie also was overly dark and self-serious, continuing a trend of “gritty” and “edgy” works in genres that are supposed to be pure escapism, popcorn fantasies. I hate this trend. But it worked for Logan, you know why? Because I cared about the characters. They were incredibly well-developed. It all comes back to that. Granted, I had 17 years to get to know Wolverine and Professor X, but even still if I was watching this movie for the first time I am pretty certain I would have been more invested in their fates than I was in any of Rogue One’s characters, as I was with the girl even though she was a new character.
Yeah, it was cool to watch Vader kick some ass at the end, but it meant nothing and was just another example of fan service. I genuinely enjoy watching Revenge of the Sith more; at least it has camp value in Palpatine’s portrayal and the “so bad it’s good” dialogue.