Hi guys, I’m new to the site. I just edited an opening crawl yesterday, what do you think:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1leS6nxMIzmQl9CZ01xVm5JaXc/view
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…
ROGUE
ONESix years have passed since the
Galactic Empire tightened its grip
on the galaxy. Hope is fading, fear
is everywhere.Fearing his family’s lives are at
risk, Galen Erso, a science officer
for the Empire, has fled to the
small remote planet of Lah’mu
with the help of Saw Gerrera, a
Rebel extremist.Desperate for Galen’s valuable
research, Orson Krennic, director
of the dreaded DEATH STAR
project, has recently discovered
Galen’s location and has been
sent to retrieve him…
It’s pretty good. I think that imperial scientist works best as Galen’s description. And it sounds weird that you refer to the birth of the empire as them “tightening their grip”. And the big reason that Galen left is because of what he realized his research was being used for.
What I’m getting from all these crawls is that the first paragraph establishes the tyranny of the Empire since the Jedi have fallen. The second paragraph has varied for everyone. And the third paragraph explains how Krennic is searching for Galen.