Forgot to mention about the last paragraph of the crawl:
seek should be seeks
General Leia Organa leads a determined RESISTANCE, sending a pilot to a remote planet to retrieve vital information that could aid their cause. Information the First Order seek seeks out for themselves…
I had a 2 hour delay from school this morning so I watched through part of your edit. Here’s some feedback
First off, the colors are fantastic and the quality of your file is superb. I’d love to know your render settings.
The following is a critique of the material, not of you personally. I’ll admit that I’m kind of living through your edit as I’m not able to work on mine at this time.
0:09:03 - The regrading feels really off here. I’m assuming you were going for twilight here. This is difficult as the previous frames were extremely dark and during night.
0:09:57 - Great removal of Phasma
0:12:40 - Not sure why Unkar’s lines were removed. This scene feels odd now and I would suggest removing Unkar completely, but I see you have plans to change his lines.
0:17:35 - I like the idea of dubbing Unkar. This makes him more of a Jabba character. I’d like to hear some more inflection in his voice though, ala Jabba.
0:18:40 - Nice removal of ridiculous Finn lines
0:20:26 - Cut to bridge after explosions is a little rough audio wise
0:20:38 - cut to ventral cannons seems off, recommend cutting the cannons. We know they are there, do we need to see them?
0:20:19 - audio bleed over is a bit too long to my ears (by product of not having Phasma scene?)
I may have missed it, but when does Finn tell Poe his name in your edit? I know it’s implied, but it won’t make sense that he knows his name later on
0:22:26 - cut feels a little choppy
0:22:30 - nitpicky but I liked Ren’s lines about the clone army, it was kind of a dig on the prequels
0:33:02 - this transition is pretty jarring. There isn’t enough time for her to get in the hole. I’d recommend reworking this scene.
Rathtar sequence feels off audibly and visually, imho
0:40:07 - Transition to lightspeed sequence feels rushed. (are all of Snoke’s scenes saved for the end?)
0:46:45 - russian music? Then back to original music? Super jarring
0:48:08 - Audio transition is pretty abrupt here and throughout the entire Snoke scene. We need more narrative here. Who is the tall terrible CGI man? Maz is the one that explains I’m not a fan of this part
0:52:05 - This is a really odd transition, and it fades out.
0:53:47 - Not sure why we are going back to Ren in less than 5 minutes. Not sure why he stands up and continues to talk to the mask while he’s supposedly walking away offscreen?
0:56:10 - just curious about your audio decisions during the force vision
0:57:41 - Maz’s cut line of “but” is kind of needed to make the dialogue flow
1:00:00 - Music is really odd here, builds up then goes away, Finn’s line isn’t clear. Hux’s speech feels flat without a climax
Takodana just feels choppy. (was the stormtrooper retreat back into the carrier a deleted scene?)
So, is the reveal from Leia?
We share a lot of similar ideas cut wise. You are perhaps more kind to the character dialogue than I am at times. There are many audio transitions that feel abrupt and some of the narrative is unclear and choppy at times. Most of the choppiness occurred at Takodana and beyond. I found it pretty hard to follow from that point forward. I’m also not a fan of the rearranged Snoke and StarKiller base scenes. ANH had the DS fire early on to establish its threat and ability. I feel that we need that in this movie as well. To have them attack before we know why is a little hard for the viewer. I love the trailer music, but it just doesn’t fit here for me. Also, the slowed down scenes are choppy due to their altered frame rate.
Great first draft. Looking forward to continuing efforts 😃