You can find a spouse by pretending to be the spouse of an amnesia or coma victim.

You have a windproof lighter that won't go out no matter how far you have to throw it.

The more elaborate your opponent's initial moves, the more likely you will take him out with a swift kick to the face (or revolver).

It still takes about thirty seconds to trace a phone call.

People simultaneously shooting each other at point blank range will be out of ammo.

The villain will make one last attempt to kill you after he appears to be dead.

Your local Counter-Terrorism Unit will have at least one mole.

how come no one mentioned this one yet?

I can always survive a nuclear blast by hiding in a fridge. 

If you are on an airplane and it is crashing, and you don't have a parachute, look for an inflatable raft.   You can jump out of the plane,  inflate the raft, and it will be able to break or fall for incredible heights.

Your fedora will never fall off. 

The low ranking bad guys are always easy to kill.   

If you shot first, it can always be changed 20 years later, so it looks like the other guy shot first.

If you walk into a murder scene,  you will always be sure touch and leave your finger prints on the room especially the body and the murder weapon. You will also always be sure to pick up the murder weapon just before everyone else bursts into to the room, ensuring that you will be falsely charge with the murder. 

if the film is about a female cop, who is the hero of the story,  her male coworkers will always be sexist pigs who care more about getting the woman out of the department  than solving the case. 

Warbler said:

You will also always be sure to pick up the murder weapon

Good one.

You win auctions with a bid much higher than the item is about to sell for.

If set upon by a small furry creature, you will clutch it to your throat and flail wildly.

If one or both of your parents died working in espionage, they are still alive.

Somewhere, you have a twin/clone/alternate/robot duplicate/doppelganger. Probably evil.

Babies communicate with each other telepathically.

There are kookaburras in the jungle.

It is impossible to tell the difference between a gorilla and a man in a gorilla suit.

If you are eating or drinking and see something strange, you will think the food or drink is to blame.

You can only break your neck falling down stairs that are indoors.

It wasn't you... it was the one-armed man.

darth_ender said:

An onslaught of bad guys will always take you on one at a time so you have time to kill them individually and quickly rather than taking advantage of their numerical superiority.

This is usually the case, the bad guys are quite courteous in that regard. If you are mobbed by numerous bad guys however, you will:

a). Have the strength to throw them all off you at once.

b). Crawl out of the huddle and escape unnoticed.

If a public phone rings, you will answer it. It will be for you.

If you are somewhere you shouldn't be and the phone rings, you will answer it.

If you just killed someone and their phone rings, you will answer it.

If someone gives you a portable phone and it rings, you will not answer it.

You fix Mainframe computers by "rebooting" them.

You never have to go to the bathroom.  You never have to eat or drink, either which might be why you never have to go to the bathroom.

You never fart, burp, or sneeze unless it's required to move the action forward.

You look good all the time, so do all your friends/spouses/coworkers - unless you or your friend/spouse/coworker is the "awkward" one.

Your office or government agency always has the most up to date equipment and furniture -- and the fastest computers.

There's always some awesomely appropriate song playing in the background everytime you do anything.

It's rare for anyone in your world to be older than 43.