Star Wars: The New Dawn (The First Episode in DuracellEnergizer's New PT Re-Write) *COMPLETE* — Page 3

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

With the blurring of pseudo-motion, the Light Hammer drops out of hyperspace, its trajectory carrying it on a course directly toward the mottled orange globe of Tatooine.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER - BRIDGE

MR. SOLO: (to Bail) Our trajectory is taking us straight along toward the planet. Shall we maintain present course?

BAIL: (strokes his chin) Let's play it safe and go into a high orbit. We don't want the people down there to think we're unfriendly.

CMDR. VANESS: (scrunches her nose up at the sight of the ugly desert planet filling the viewscreen) Even if we were, there's not much they could do to repel us. (beat) I doubt the Hutts would even bother putting a patrol on duty to defend this worthless rock.

As those words come out of her mouth, a ship appears on the viewscreen, leaving the atmosphere of the planet on an intercept course. As the craft grows larger in the viewscreen, it becomes apparent that the ship is an ungainly Xiytiar-class transport; though outfitted with some modified weapons systems, the bulky cargo ship is nowhere near the match for a dreadnaught like the Light Hammer.

COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: We're being hailed, sir.

BAIL: Patch them through.

The view of the cargo transport before the orange orb of Tatooine disappears from the viewscreen, instantly replaced by the image of a GREEN-SKINNED NIKTO CAPTAIN.

NIKTO CAPTAIN: I am Wahr Blarh, captain of the Defense Fleet of Tatooine. State your identity and business in this system.

BAIL: I am Bail Organa, Prince of Alderaan and admiral of the Galactic Empire. We are here under the suspicion that your world may be in for an attack from Mandalorian renegades who have been attacking ships and making raids on worlds all along the Outer Rim. (beat) I believe our government made arrangements with your masters prior to our arrival, and that you were made aware of our coming.

CAPT. BLARH (NIKTO CAPTAIN): (sighs) You are beyond your borders, Admiral. The concerns of your Empire are no concerns of ours.

BAIL: This isn't strictly an Imperial matter, though, is it Captain? From what I've been made aware, your side of the border hasn't been all that safe from Mandalorian attacks, either.

CAPT. BLARH: (sighs) So it is, Admiral, so it is. (beat) I have been ordered to provide you with any assistance you may need should you need it. Should you or any of your crew find yourselves in the need to go planetside, please register with us first -- unauthorized Imperials are not welcome on Tatooine.

BAIL: Thank you, Captain, we'll keep that in mind.

Without any farewell, the nikto discontinues the transmission, restoring the image of the cargo ship stationed in front of Tatooine back to the viewscreen.

BAIL: (turns toward Vaness) Well, that went well.

Vaness, in response, merely smirks.

EXT. TATOOINE - WHITESUN HOMESTEAD - GRAVESITE - SUNSET

Obi-Wan, Owen, Anakin, Nellith, and Beru stand before a freshly-buried grave, the simple tombstone placed at the head of it identifying the occupant as Mir Whitesun. The faces of all five mourners, in sharp contrast to the beautiful fiery light of the setting suns, are grim and dark.

NELLITH: (cont'd) When I came to Tatooine, I didn't think I'd ever be able to find love again. But then I met you, and you awoke something in me that I thought I'd lost forever. You were the most loving husband a woman could have, Mir, and I thank you. (beat) Until God reunites us, my love, goodbye.

Eyes tearful but with a slight smile of fondly remembered memories on her lips, Nellith walks up to the gravestone. Kissing the tips of her fingers, she presses them on the warm stone. As a tear falls from her eye onto the fresh earth of the plot, the handsome magenta-haired woman returns to her side by her daughter.

Leaving the others, Anakin walks up to the grave, and kneels down on one leg before it.

ANAKIN: I'm sorry, Dad -- I'm sorry I couldn't save you. Maybe if I'd been here, I could have stopped them or distracted them somehow, given you and poor Jira the chance to escape. (beat) You may not have been my biological father, but you were always there to love and support me, to teach me wrong from right, and I'll never forget you. (beat) I don't know how, Dad, but I'll find a way to give your death meaning. I won't let you be forgotten.

With that, Anakin's speech and the funeral both come to an end. Silently, the members of the Lars and Whitesun family move off towards their landspeeder. Only Ben remains behind, looking upon the grave with deep contemplation. Owen, noticing his brother lagging behind, leaves the others to join him.

OWEN: What is it?

OBI-WAN: I never knew Mir Whitesun all that well, but I know what it means to lose a loved one to senseless violence. (beat) Perhaps time can heal all wounds, but the scars'll never go away.

Hearing these words, Owen can't help but to laugh sardonically.

OBI-WAN: (frowns) What is so funny?

OWEN: I'm sorry, it's not funny, but I'd built you Jedi up to be these aloof, demi-godlike lobotomy patients. It's strange to see that you're human after all.

OBI-WAN: Jedi may be able to touch the Force, but that doesn't change our fundamental natures. We're as prone to human virtues -- and failings -- as any other man. (beat) What is going to happen with Nellith and Anakin?

OWEN: There's nowhere else for them to go, so they'll stay with Beru and me. As for the farm, I suppose we'll sell it -- I certainly can't run it, not without some hired help, and for that, I'd need to bring in a greater profit than I'm getting at the moment. (beat) You never got around to telling me how you paid Watto off. How'd you manage to accomplish a minor miracle like that?

OBI-WAN: I gave him a corusca gem.

OWEN: (Astonished) A corusca gem!? Where in God's name did you get your paws on a corusca gem?!

OBI-WAN: It was a gift from Amidala Naberrie, the Princess of Nabu. We'd ... formed a bond of sorts during my time stationed there, so when it came time for us to part ways, she gave it to me.

OWEN: Why didn't you stay there, with her?

OBI-WAN: The worlds of a Jedi Knight and a queen-to-be are worlds apart -- we couldn't have made it work, not in the long run. (beat) The gem was her way of keeping us together; if we couldn't be one in the flesh, we could in spirit.

OWEN: Obi-Wan, I'm sorry. (beat) What are you going to do now? Are you going back to Yoda?

OBI-WAN: I tried that, but he couldn't help me. (beat) I suppose I'll just drift around from place-to-place until I find what I'm looking for.

OWEN: Ben ...

OBI-WAN: Yes?

OWEN: I suppose with Anakin and Nellith helping us, Beru and I can start getting ahead. But it'll be a while before they get over this. Why don't you stay with us awhile -- at least until they're back on their feet again.

Turning to regard Owen, Obi-Wan gives him the first truly happy smile he's had to give in a long time.

BEN: I left you alone once, and look where it got you. It seems you can't make anything work without your big brother around to help you out.

Grinning broadly, Owen uses one hand to trap Ben in a headlock, using the other to give the Jedi a vigorous noogie. Laughing broadly, the two brothers go off together to join the others at the speeder.

INT. LARS HOMESTEAD - DINING ROOM - EVENING

The combined families of the Larses and Whitesuns sit together around a dining table, finishing off a modest supper.

OBI-WAN: (to Beru) That was a delicious meal, Beru. My compliments to the chef.

ANAKIN: Yeah, sis -- excellent meal, like always.

BERU: (beaming) Thanks.

Once the food has been cleared from their plates, Nellith stands up and begins to collect the used dishes.

BERU: Mom, let me do that.

OWEN: Yes, please sit down. We'll take care of it.

NELLITH: Oh, shush. You don't want to make me feel like a freeloader, do you?

OWEN: Don't say that, Nellith. You're family and a part of the household now.

NELLITH: Still, just this one time, I want to do it. I've got to. To --

The death of her husband still painfully fresh in her mind and heart, Nellith starts to cry again. Standing up, Anakin goes to assist her, taking the plates and utensils from her arms.

ANAKIN: We'll take care of the dishes, Mom. You go to bed.

NELLITH: (wipes tears away) Alright, Ani, alright. (kisses Nik on the cheek) Goodnight.

ANAKIN: (Returns her kiss) Goodnight, Mom.

Once Nellith has given her farewells to each of the others in the room and leaves, all four of them proceed to collect the dishes and tidy the table up.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - EVENING

Sometime later, Obi-Wan sits upon the ground outside the homestead, his legs crossed and his back turned to the entrance. His eyes closed, his face is tranquil, without burden. Sitting there, he doesn't seem to notice as Anakin silently steps outside, crossing his arms across his chest as he leans back against the stone entrance to look upon the Jedi.

OBI-WAN: (opens his eyes) Hello, Anakin.

ANAKIN: (smirks) You heard me?

OBI-WAN: (rises to his feet and turns to face Anakin) Not exactly, no.

ANAKIN: I like going outside at night when I want to get away from things, too. With the stars and moons out so bright, it helps to make me feel like I'm in tune with something larger -- nature, I guess. The whole universe, even.

OBI-WAN: I know what you mean, Anakin, perfectly. (beat) Did you want something?

ANAKIN: What are you?

OBI-WAN: (frowns) Pardon?

ANAKIN: What are you, exactly? A cyborg? A spice junkie? I saw how you dealt with Sebulba and Craetorius -- no normal human can do what you did.

OBI-WAN: (laughs) I'm no cyborg, Anakin, and I've never touched a single gram of spice in my life. What you saw was perfectly natural.

ANAKIN: (shakes his head) Don't give me that. Maybe if you were an alien or some kind of evolved near-human, I could buy into it, but you're as normal as I am. (beat) Wait a minute -- are you telling me that you've received genetic enhancements? I guess that could be considered natural from a certain point of view, but --

OBI-WAN: No genetic enhancements, Anakin. What I have is something I was born with.

ANAKIN: You're a mutant, then!

OBI-WAN: (sighs) Have you ever heard of the Jedi, Anakin?

ANAKIN: (shakes his head) I don't think so.

OBI-WAN: You told me that when you go out to stare at the stars, you feel like you're in touch with the universe.

ANAKIN: Yes, so?

OBI-WAN: I am in touch with the universe, Anakin. Not figuratively, but literally -- through the Force.

ANAKIN: Force?

OBI-WAN: The Force is the soul of the universe, an energy field which generates -- and is generated from -- all life. It surrounds us, permeates us, and binds us together.

ANAKIN: (smirks) You're talking about hokey religious stuff.

OBI-WAN: (shrugs) If that's what you want to call it.

ANAKIN: (rolls his eyes) Get real.

OBI-WAN: Anakin, hold out your hand.

ANAKIN: (confused) What?

OBI-WAN: Just hold out your hand, like this.

The Jedi, holds up his hand, fingers out and palm facing outward. Tentatively, Nik mimes his gesture.

OBI-WAN: Now close your eyes and empty your mind.

ANAKIN: What --

OBI-WAN: Just do it, Anakin. (beat) Close your eyes, empty your mind, place yourself in the state that brings you in touch with the greater reality surrounding you.

Shrugging, the boy does what is asked of him. Smiling with contentment, Obi-Wan brings his hand up close to Anakin's until they almost -- but not quite -- touch. He then closes his eyes, returning to the meditative trance he was in earlier.

Standing there together, eyes both closed and hands nearly touching, nothing seems to be happening; all is still and silent. As the seconds pass, though, something non-visual begins to happen. Nik's brow first furrows, then his head tilts as if in search of the source of some unheard sound. Finally, his eyes shoot open and he exhales loudly.

ANAKIN: (amazed) What the hell was that?!

OBI-WAN: What do you think?

ANAKIN: (shakes himself as if cold) The Force?

OBI-WAN: (nods) All life is born with a connection to the Force, but only some of us are gifted with the potential to actively perceive and touch it. You and I are among those few.

ANAKIN: And you knew I was like you?

OBI-WAN: (nods) I sensed you were strong with the Force from the moment we met.

ANAKIN: But I've never --

OBI-WAN: Force-sensitivity is inherent but not immediately apparent. It takes time and effort to hone your connection with the Force and harness the powers it can give you.

ANAKIN: Powers like parrying blaster bolts and speaking in multiple voices at once?

OBI-WAN: Among many others. (beat) Too many others.

His expression growing suddenly grave, Ben ends the conversation there. Silently, the Jedi walks past Nik on his way back inside. Anakin quickly reaches out, grabbing him by the shoulder.

ANAKIN: You can teach me, can't you?

OBI-WAN: (brushes his hand off) No.

ANAKIN: (frowns) Why not?

OBI-WAN: It's not my place. I'm no teacher, Anakin.

ANAKIN: If you've told me this much, then you can tell me more!

OBI-WAN: (shakes his head) Just forget I said anything.

ANAKIN: (angry) Forget!? You can't just open my eyes and expect me to forget sight and colour!

OBI-WAN: As someone who has seen far more than you ever have and -- God willing -- ever will, believe me when I say that sight and colour are not all they're cracked up to be.

Well, I've hit a snag in the development of the script and entered a doldrums of sorts. 

Between where I am in the story right now -- with Anakin aware of his Force-sensitivity but Obi-Wan unwilling to train him -- and where I plan on going -- with Obi-Wan deciding to take Anakin from Tatooine and train him as a Jedi -- I don't know how to develop the story. I know I have to show Ben helping out around the farm, Anakin pestering him to know more about the Force and the Jedi, and so on, but I don't know how to flesh these elements out.

If anyone reading has any ideas of how I can explore this period in the story -- how Ben should come around to accepting Anakin as his apprentice, any sidestories between them and/or the other members of the Lars/Whitesun families -- I'd be grateful if you'd share them, 'cause I'm simply drawing blanks right now.

Hmmm...

Anakin was a skilled pilot when Obi-Wan met him, so maybe something could happen that would require Obi-Wan to go somewhere and need a pilot, resulting in Anakin getting caught up in something, leading Obi-Wan to begin training Anakin somehow... I don't know. Maybe you could go somewhere with that, but you'll have to think of something that would force Obi-Wan to go off somewhere and that he would need a skilled pilot for.

Good luck, I'll share any thoughts I have as they come but right now that was the best I could come up with. :)

Hmm ... that might actually work. I've been trying to figure out a way to incorporate Anakin's skills as a pilot into the story but haven't had any concrete ideas on how to do that before now.

Maybe if Ben and Owen have an errand to run that takes them out to the Dune Sea, and they end up getting caught in a fierce sandstorm, requiring someone to come in and rescue them ...

EXT. SWAMP WORLD - CAVE - DAY (DREAMSCAPE)

Obi-Wan stands looking into the mouth of a dark, foreboding cave with thick ground mist swirling about his ankles. Here, Obi-Wan is only about sixteen years old, with shaggy blond hair and clad in a simple tan flight suit. Standing beside the Jedi apprentice is a very tall humanoid figure clad in a black, hooded robe that conceals all but his pale white hands.

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (turns to the figure) What is in there?

The figure responds by silently lifting an arm and pointing with one long finger toward the cave.

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (turns toward the cave) Only what I take with me.

Tentative, Obi-Wan steps away from the dark figure towards the cave. Coming up to the mouth he stops, cautiously peering about the dark interior for hidden dangers. When he has satisfied himself that there are no immediate threats to his person, he slowly slips inside.

INT. CAVE - DAY (DREAMSCAPE)

Ben makes his way along the length of the cave's interior, taking care to avoid tripping in the overgrown vegetation which runs along the walls and floor. Soon he stops, his eyes growing wide.

At the end of the cave is a figure clad in the uniform of a Coruscanti Jedi apprentice with thick, dark hair tied up in a topknot; the figure stands with his back turned toward Obi-Wan.

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (walks up to the figure and gingerly places a hand on his shoulder) Qui-Gon?

Suddenly the figure spins around, revealing himself to be the young Jedi who fought with Ben against the zabrak darksider. His skin gray and his eyes glassy, the Jedi is plainly dead.

QUI-GON: (echoing) Obi-Wan ...

The cadaver's eyeballs roll up into his head, and a sticky, yellow ichor oozes out from under them, running down his cheeks. His black lips part, and a centipede slides out of his mouth.

Before Obi-Wan can react to this apparition standing before him, an arm wielding a ruby-bladed saberstaff bursts through the corpse's chest, filling the air with decayed, black biological matter.

INT. TATOOINE - LARS HOMESTEAD/OBI-WAN'S BEDROOM - DAY

Obi-Wan bolts upright in bed, breathing rapidly with his face wet with heavy perspiration. Awake, he is no longer in the dark cave on the swamp planet with the apparition of Qui-Gon Jinn, but that is no cause for comfort; from outside can be heard the shouts of Owen and Anakin, the hollerings of Tusken Raiders, and the screams of blasterfire.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - DAY

Owen and Anakin, blasters firing, fight desperately to repel a raiding party of Tusken Raiders. The Tuskens, hollering and hooting, gallop in a circle around the entrance to the homestead, shaking gaffi sticks and blaster rifles above their heads in defiance.

INT. LARS HOMESTEAD/OBI-WAN'S BEDROOM - DAY

Having hurriedly dressed himself, Obi-Wan grabs his lightsaber and rushes out the door.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - DAY

OWEN: (to Anakin) My pack's running low!

ANAKIN: (quickly pulls a fresh blaster pack from a satchel at his side) Here!

The young blond man tosses the fresh blaster pack to Owen, who catches it easily. As he hurries to replace the old pack, five Sand People dismount their banthas and coming charging. Unable to snap the pack in in time, Owen can do nothing but use the blaster rifle as a shield as one of the Tuskens comes at him, raining down blows with his gaffi stick.

INT. LARS HOMESTEAD/ENTRANCE - DAY

As Ben reaches the sealed entrance that will take him up to the surface above the homestead, he finds Beru and Nellith crouched down in defensive positions, blasters in their hands.

OBI-WAN: What's happening?

NELLITH: Tuskens!

BERU: They came out of nowhere and just started circling the house, hollering and shooting at us!

With desperation evident in his eyes, Ben crosses to the door, opening it.

OBI-WAN: (to Nellith) Do you have another blaster?

Nellith nods.

OBI-WAN: Then give me the one you have.

Nellith tosses the blaster to Ben, who catches it effortlessly.

BERU: Be careful, Ben.

Saluting her with his lightsaber, Obi-Wan runs out the door, sealing it behind him.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - DAY

Owen and Anakin fight on bravely, with Anakin taking out every Sand Person he can find in the scope of his blaster rifle while Owen uses his powerless weapon as a club to keep the others at bay. With half of the Tusken Raiders having dismounted their banthas, however, the two moisture farmers are sorely outnumbered.

Having taken all the damage it can, Owen's rifle snaps in two as a Sand Person gives it one, strong whack with his gaffi stick. Suddenly defenseless, Owen can do nothing as the Tusken swings the gaffi through the air, hitting him in the head with the butt of the weapon and knocking him out cold.

As Owen collapses to the ground, Obi-Wan comes bursting out from the dome entrance, the azure blade of his lightsaber engaged in his left hand with the cold blaster gripped in his right. Sighting the Tusken take out his brother, he aims the blaster and shoots the warrior in the head before he can deliver a killing blow to the unconscious moisture farmer.

ANAKIN: (seeing Obi-Wan) Ben!

Together, Obi-Wan and Anakin press their counterattack against the Tusken Raiders. With his skills as a Jedi at his command, Ben makes significant progress against the desert warriors, cutting them down in droves with both his lightsaber and the blaster; Nik, with the blaster rifle and a smaller blaster pistol, covers him, firing upon each and every Tusken who escapes the Jedi's offense to attack him in turn.

In the end, though, the numbers of the Sand People prove to be too overwhelming a force even for the Jedi to overcome. Four of the last six remaining Tuskens gang up on the Jedi, pulling him to the ground and knocking him out; when Anakin rushes to offer his aid, the other two turn on him, with one of them hurling a shuriken which strikes the boy in the shoulder and cuts into the underlying flesh and bone, knocking him head-over-heels to the sandy ground.

With all three men down for the count, the six Tusken Raiders turn their attention to the entrance dome leading down into the underground homestead. With fierce determination, they break through the locked door and file inside. Blaster bolts ring out from within, and the pained grunts and cries of injured Sand People follow.

After several moments, four of the Sand People come out, Nellith and Beru struggling in the arms of two of them. As they come to one of the banthas, the Tuskens grab some metal cable and proceed to tie the two women up with it. Once that is done, the two women are tossed up onto one of the banthas and secured into place. The remaining Tusken Raiders then tie their banthas together and take their place atop their mounts.

With cries of victory, the Tuskens take off in a gallop with their captives toward the horizon. They disappear into the distance as a fierce wind begins to pick up, scouring the sand and erasing the tracks the banthas leave behind.

An hour or so later, Obi-Wan returns to consciousness and pushes himself up into a sitting position, groaning with the effort. Looking about him, he tries to locate his lightsaber but cannot find it; one of the Tuskens has obviously taken it.

Rising to feet, the Jedi makes his way over to Anakin; with the blades of the shuriken embedded in his flesh, the boy is in very bad shape.

OBI-WAN: (pained) Dammit, Anakin ...

Having regained consciousness as well, Owen slowly walks over to Ben and Nik, rubbing his bruised head.

OWEN: (concerned) How is he? Is he okay?

OBI-WAN: He's losing a lot of blood. (strips his shirt off and crumples it up, placing it around the wound and pressing down on it) We have to get him medical attention immediately. Bring the speeder around.

OWEN: Yeah, sure, just -- (freezes) Beru! Oh, God, I forgot about them!

With new matters of importance on his mind, Owen takes off in a run for the entrance into the homestead.

INT. LARS HOMESTEAD/ENTRANCE - DAY

Stepping through the entrance into the home, Owen begins searching through the house for Beru and Nellith. While he finds the bodies of the two Tuskens they managed to kill before been captured, Beru and Nellith themselves are nowhere to be found.

Consumed with fear and rage, the moisture farmer falls to his knees, releasing a mindless, animalistic roar as he clenches his fists into tight, hard balls.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - DAY

Having brought the Lars landspeeder out of the garage himself, Obi-Wan, carrying the still form of Anakin in his arms, walks up to the vehicle. Climbing inside, he lays the unconscious boy down in the back seat carefully.

Just as he climbs back out of the speeder, Owen comes at him, grabbing the Jedi by the shoulders and dragging him down to the ground.

OWEN: (panicking) They took them, Ben, they took them! They took Nellith, they took Beru! They took them!

Rage starting to well up within him once again, the moisture farmer starts shaking Ben by the shoulders.

OWEN: (enraged) What were you doing when those monsters took them, you bastard!? Why weren't you protecting them?! Answer me, goddamn you!

Without a word, Obi-Wan slaps Owen hard in the face.

OWEN: (releases Ben and collapses to a heap, sobbing) Oh, God, Ben! They took her! They took her! What are they going to do to her?! What!?

Pulling Owen up into a sitting position, the Jedi slaps him hard in the face again.

OBI-WAN: (firm) Snap out of it, Owen! Get a hold of yourself now!

Sobbing, Owen begins to recover his bearings.

OBI-WAN: (cont'd) Anakin has been badly injured -- we have to get him to Anchorhead immediately. If we don't, he'll die. Do you understand?

OWEN: (nods) Yes, yes, I understand.

OBI-WAN: Alright. (beat) I've bandaged the wound as best I can and placed him in the speeder. You have to be the one to take him to Anchorhead.

OWEN: But what about Beru, about Nellith?

OBI-WAN: With that attack you sustained, you're in no condition to track down those Tuskens. (beat) I'll find Beru and Nellith.

OWEN: But they took your weapon!

OBI-WAN: The lightsaber is a tool, nothing more. I don't need it to be a Jedi.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - DAY

Two landspeeders comes to life and zoom off in opposite directions. The first is the Lars family speeder -- with Owen at the controls and Anakin injured in the back seat -- headed off toward Anchorhead, while the second is the rented landspeeder of Obi-Wan, who is headed out into the deep desert, on the search for the Tusken Raiders who kidnapped Nellith and Beru.

I think now's a good time to play another game of "assign a face to the character", as I've introduced a few more characters to the story since the last time.

Oh, and I'd just like to say right up front that if I don't mention any major characters, it's either because I think the face they already have applied to them (Jimmy Smits as Bail or the actors who played Owen and Beru in the PT as Owen and Beru) work just fine for them, or because -- as in the case of Zull -- I don't envision them as looking like any particular person; it isn't because I forgot to mention them. =P

===

I've envisioned the character of Raia Vaness as looking like the model Vanessa Raia (no great surprise there, eh?)

I admit it's kind of odd to picture a bimbo with fake boobs in the role of a strong female military officer, but somehow my mind's able to make it work (imagining her without heavy makeup, as taller, and with natural boobs probably helps =P).

Mr. Solo is, as mentioned in the text of my script, a yellow-skinned near-Duros. =P

Obviously, Mr. Solo is a homage to Sulu, the Asian helmsman from Star Trek: TOS. He is not, though -- is NOT -- related to Han Solo; the two share the same last name, nothing more.

And before anyone mentions it, yeah, I suppose giving an alien patterned after Sulu yellow skin is a tad racist. If any of you know a better way of making the visual connection between the two characters closer, though, I certainly wouldn't mind hearing it.

In my mind, the Mandalorian who violates Zull looks like a battle-scarred Jeff Fahey (a Jeff Fahey with a Cockney accent, BTW =P).

I see Anakin as looking like a young Leonardo DiCaprio.

I guess the genesis of this vision came when I heard that DiCaprio was considered for the role during the casting of AOTC. Later on, I noticed -- to my eyes, at least -- that his features (the shape of his face, in particular) resembled Sebastian Shaw's enough that I could imagine him growing to look like the older actor with time (which is more than I can say for Hayden Christensen; nothing about that guy's face resembles Shaw's in the least and never will).

In the end, when I came to the conclusion that I just couldn't imagine my Anakin looking or sounding anything like Hayden, I chose to base him on Leo instead.

I thought It'd be interesting if I patterned -- at least some -- of the Tusken Raiders in my script after the guys in this image. Perhaps they're a different kind of Tusken -- a more feral branch of the species -- or just members of a different tribe than the one seen in Star Wars.

As most of you have no doubt realized, the "dark warrior" that Obi-Wan encounters in his flashback during his first fight with the Sand People is patterned after Darth Maul.

In my universe, the character wears black robes with red trim like in this image, and has perfect white teeth (a deliberate reversal of how the character's teeth were depicted in TPM).

Oh, and before anyone asks, the character doesn't go by "Darth Maul" in my continuity. "Darth" is not a title anyone -- Sith or otherwise -- uses in my universe.

Once again the TPM concept art inspires the visuals of my SW Universe. =P

This is basically how I imagine Qui-Gon -- the Jedi apprentice Ben keeps having flashbacks and nightmares about -- to look like (just picture a sixteen-year-old Liam Neeson with that hair, and the image is complete ;-)).

Nellith is basically Brooke Shields with magenta hair, fuschia eyes, and no makeup.

I picture Craetorius as looking like Jackie Earle Haley with red-pink skin and a whole lot of nasty facial scars (no -- not like with his Freddy Krueger; that look is so goddamn stupid and I would never pattern any character's appearance after it (I am so glad I have never seen the ANOES remake, BTW)).

That tall humanoid in the hooded, black robe who directs Obi-Wan over to the dark side cave in his dream? Yeah, this one isn't hard to figure out ... ;-)

EXT. DESERT - DAY

Obi-Wan makes his way deeper into the barren, empty desert on his landspeeder. Every now and then he stops and gets out, taking short treks out into the sand to look about his surroundings with a pair of macrobinoculars; though the wind has all but erased the bantha tracks, he occasionally finds a trace of the Tuskens' passage, allowing him to narrow down his search and continue.

Hours pass, and the twin suns begin to set. Ben, in his speeder, passes beyond the mundane track of desert and enters the Sunland Wastes -- the vast, rocky area of caverns and canyons which the Tusken Raiders -- among various dangerous beasts -- call home.

EXT. JUNDLAND WASTES - TWILIGHT

Eventually, Obi-Wan finds his way to the end of a narrow valley which opens out into open air; beyond, far to the bottom, lies a large stretch of flat, open rock. Unable to proceed any further in the landspeeder, the Jedi parks his vehicle and shuts it down, climbing out.

Walking to the edge of the valley, Ben pulls out his set of macrobinoculars and begins to survey the plain of desolate rock.

OBI-WAN'S P.O.V. - TUSKEN RAIDER CAMP

Out on the rocky plain is a large Tusken camp, complete with tents and burning campfires.

CUT TO

Obi-Wan as he puts the macrobinoculars down. Returning to the speeder, he retrieves his supplies -- two large blaster pistols, a blaster rifle, and a satchel of power packs -- and, holstering the blasters and slinging the rifle behind his back, begins to make his way down the face of the cliff on his long trek toward the camp in the distance.

EXT. TUSKEN RAIDER CAMP - TWILIGHT

In the centre of the camp, Nellith and Beru have been tied to a large, wooden rack. Surrounding them is the leader of the tribe -- a tall, intimidating warrior wearing a headdress made up of varicoloured wires -- and his immediate family members, all of which look upon the women as visitors to a zoo would look upon the animals therein.

The Tusken leader beckons to one of the other Tuskens -- a son, perhaps -- who walks over to the older, taller Sand Person. Grunting and growling, the leader points down at the younger warrior's belt, upon which hangs Obi-Wan's lightsaber. Responding with his own series of hoots and groans, the younger Tusken unhooks the weapon and hands it to his elder.

The leader turns the metallic cylinder over in his hands, trying and failing to make out its purpose. Grunting, the other Sand Person shows him how to hold the lightsaber and then gestures toward the activation stud on the pommel. Upon pressing the button, the blue blade of the weapon shoots out with a sharp snap-hiss.

Startled, the tribal leader drops the weapon, honking aggressive Tusken expletives. The younger Tusken, incredibly amused, replies with what passes for laughter among the Sand People.

CUT TO

Obi-Wan as he reaches the camp. Avoiding the sentries posted at watch, the Jedi silently slips in between tents, cautiously making his way into the camp.

CUT TO

The Tusken tribal leader and the rest of his family surrounding Beru and Nellith.

Picking the lightsaber back up, the Tusken leader reactivates it; now that he knows what to expect from the weapon, he has no fear of it. Turning toward the two women, he approaches them, the glowing azure blade held out before him menacingly.

BERU: (panicking) Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please, no! No, no, please! Please, don't hurt us! Don't --!

With the precision of a surgeon, the Sand Person places the tip of the lightsaber against Nellith's forehead and begins to draw it across her hairline. The energy blade burning into her flesh effortlessly, she screams in complete and total agony.

CUT TO

Ben, standing behind one of the tents which overlook the tribal leader and his family members surrounding Nellith and Beru. His face twisted with desperation, he throws out a hand.

CUT TO

The Tusken Raider leader as he traces the tip of the lightsaber around Nellith's face, unfazed by the horrific screams coming out of her mouth.

Suddenly, from the other end of the camp, the ferocious bellow of a large and powerful krayt dragon sounds out with deafening force.

Alarmed by the blood-freezing sound, the tribal leader, his family members, and the other Sand People turn toward the apparent source of the sound. Pointing forward toward where the krayt is believed to be, the leader orders his people to take up arms against the invader. Hooting and hollering, the Tuskens pour forth to combat the dragon, their leader alongside them, Obi-Wan's stolen lightsaber raised above his head.

Once the Sand People have left the area, Obi-Wan steps out of hiding and hurries over to Beru and Nellith. Pulling out a knife, he begins cutting through the straps holding them to the rack.

OBI-WAN: (concerned) Are you alright, Nellith?

NELLITH: (grimacing in agony) I-I'll be okay.

Ben cuts through the final bonds, and the women are free. Bracing Nellith against her, Beru follows the Jedi on out of the camp.

Having found no sign of the krayt dragon they plainly heard, the Sand People begin to return to where they were before.

Returning to the centre of the camp, the Tusken leader and his family find the rack empty, the two captive women gone. Enraged, the tribal leader roars a command, and with two of his sons joining his side, he runs off after the escapees.

CUT TO

Ben and the women making their way away from the Tusken camp.

As soon as they leave their camp, the Tusken tribal leader and his sons immediately notice the Jedi with the women. Honking out a battle cry, he charges them, lightsaber swinging and his warriors right beside him.

OBI-WAN: (to Beru) Go on! I'll hold them off!

Obeying, Beru -- Nellith by her side -- takes off into a run toward the faraway valley.

Turning toward the approaching Tuskens, the Jedi knight pulls out his two blasters. As the Sand People approach, he fires. The shot from the blaster in his left hand catches one of the leader's sons in the hip, the shot from the blaster in his right catches the other in the leg; both shots knock the Tuskens down, taking them out of the fight, leaving the Jedi the tribal leader to defeat.

Hollering in anger, the Tusken leader swings the blue lightsaber. Ben jumps back, but the blade slashes through one of his blasters, destroying it. Bringing up the remaining blaster, he fires, but the blue bolt merely grazes the Tusken's side, leaving him alive and still hungry for blood. Roaring, the Tusken kicks the blaster out of the Jedi's hand, and then takes another swing at the human.

Crouching down, Ben springs into the air, somersaulting over the Tusken and landing behind him. Throwing out his hands, he uses the powers granted him through the Force to reinforce his strength, shoving the Tusken warrior violently forward. Hollering in surprise and fear, the Tusken flies through the air ungracefully, dropping the Jedi weapon in his hand before finally hitting the hard ground with enough force to knock him unconscious.

Collecting the intact blaster and his lightsaber, Ben runs off to rejoin Beru and Nellith.

EXT. JUNDLAND WASTES - EVENING

Obi-Wan -- with Beru and Nellith beside and behind him -- steers his landspeeder over the rocky terrain of the Jundland Wastes.

Suddenly, without warning, a mechanical cough issues forth from the vehicle and the repulsorlifts go dead. Without antigravity to suspend it, the landspeeder collapses to the ground, hitting the ground with a strong jarring jerk.

BERU: (weary) What now?

Wordlessly, Ben hops out of the speeder and walks over to the engines in back. Looking them over, he recoils as oily black smoke billows out in his face.

OBI-WAN: (coughs) I don't think we'll be going any further with this speeder.

BERU: (looks back over her shoulder at the Jedi, frowning) Are you sure?

OBI-WAN: (waving smoke away) I can't fix something like this out here. (beat) We have to continue on foot.

BERU: (climbs out of the speeder and walks over to Ben) We can't walk through this! The farm's two -- maybe three -- weeks away from here! We'll die long before we ever get home!

OBI-WAN: (puts his hands on her shoulders) Beru, we can make it. (beat) If we rest in the shade during the day and move only at night, we can just make it.

BERU: But water --

OBI-WAN: We can stay hydrated on the prey we catch. (beat) It won't be much, but it should be enough to last us the rest of the way.

BERU: (looks over at Nellith, who looks back at them) What about her?

OBI-WAN: As bad as they look, Nellith's wounds are merely flesh wounds. If we can continue going, so can she.

Resigned, Beru sighs. Silently, the three individuals proceed to retrieve as many supplies as they can carry with them from the speeder. Then, exchanging glances, they start about on their trek through the desert on foot.

EXT. JUNDLAND WASTES

Time passes. Working together, Ben, Nellith, and Beru manage to cover ground, finding shelter during the day and hunting down prey during the night as they find themselves closer to home. As the days roll into weeks, though, they grow wearier and wearier, their bodies growing gaunt with the lack of adequate food and water.

EXT. DESERT - SUNSET

After more than two weeks, the trio finally crosses the boundary separating the rocky Jundland Wastes from the flat, sandier desert. A fierce sandstorm has picked up, however, and they have no cave or hollow to protect themselves from the powerful sand-filled wind.

As the wind blows stronger and the sand begins to accumulate around them, Nellith is the first to falter and then collapse, Beru quickly following after her. The only one remaining conscious, Ben turns and heads back to the two women, unwilling to abandon them. He can do nothing to help them, though, and in moments he, too, succumbs to the sandstorm.

Moments pass, and soon the three travellers are nearly completely buried beneath the sand. A low drone begins to barely resound through the thick air, though, drawing Obi-Wan out of his semi-conscious fugue. Looking upward, he watches as a familiar G9 Rigger freighter descends from the brown sky over them.

As the freighter touches down beside them, the main hatch lowers and Owen comes out from the ship. Running over to Ben, he helps pull the Jedi knight up.

OBI-WAN: Get Beru -- I'll help Nellith.

Quickly, the Jedi and the moisture farmer help the two women to their feet. Together with the girls, they climb aboard the ship.

INT. FREIGHTER/COCKPIT - SUNSET

Entering the dingy cockpit of the freighter, the three desert-weary travellers collapse to their knees on the deck. The pilot of the ship -- Anakin, his shoulder wound covered in a bacta patch -- rises from the pilot's chair, a pair of canteens in his hand.

OBI-WAN: (frowns) Anakin?

ANAKIN: (tosses the canteens to Owen) Welcome aboard the Twilight.

OWEN: (hands the canteens to Ben and Nellith) Don't drink too much -- you might get sick. (to Anakin) Get us the hell out of here!

Getting back into his seat, Nik closes the hatch and proceeds to bring the craft back up into the air.

OWEN: (notices Nellith's wound) God, Nellith -- what did they do to you?

NELLITH: (takes a gulp from her canteen before handing it to Beru) Nothing compared to what I've seen done to others.

OBI-WAN: (to Anakin) What the hell are you doing out here? You should be in Anchorhead recovering from your injury!

ANAKIN: And leave you and my two favourite girls in the world to die out here in the middle of nowhere? Forget it, Ben.

BERU: How did you find us?

Anakin doesn't answer right away. After a moment passes, he turns around to look behind him, making direct eye contact with Obi-Wan.

ANAKIN: I brought myself in touch with the greater reality surrounding me.

EXT. SANDSTORM - SUNSET

As the Twilight climbs higher into the sky, the winds of the sandstorm intensify immensely, and the freighter begins to rattle with incredible turbulence.

INT. TWILIGHT/COCKPIT - SUNSET

NELLITH: What's happening?

ANAKIN: The sandstorm's growing stronger. I don't think --

Before he can finish his sentence, he looks directly out the viewport, freezing at what he sees before him.

OWEN: Nik, what is it?

ANAKIN: (eyes wide) Oh, shi --!

EXT. SANDSTORM - SUNSET

Without any warning whatsoever, three immense tornados of swirling sand-filled air have taken shape in the path beyond the spice freighter. Though there is some room between the sand twisters to allow passage, the immense size and force of the combined swirling vortices will make such passage incredibly difficult.

INT. TWILIGHT/COCKPIT - SUNSET

Standing up, Obi-Wan leaves Owen and the women and walks up beside Anakin, looking out the viewport at the titanic twisters.

OBI-WAN: You can do this, Anakin.

ANAKIN: (incredulous) Are you crazy?! In case you haven't noticed, the Twilight is an old, slow spice freighter long overdue for a date with the scrap heap, not a T-7 Skyhopper! She's not exactly made for navigating multiple sand twisters!

OBI-WAN: You can do it, Anakin, if you put your mind to it.

ANAKIN: Tell me how, and I'll try.

OBI-WAN: You'll do.

ANAKIN: (frustrated) Yeah, yeah -- just tell me!

OBI-WAN: First close your eyes, then relax.

ANAKIN: (laughs scornfully) That'll be easy!

OBI-WAN: (frustrated) Goddammit, Anakin!

ANAKIN: Alright, alright! I'm relaxing! (closes his eyes)

OBI-WAN: Good. (beat) Now visualize yourself reaching out toward the twisters, feeling the spaces between them. Explore them all. (beat) Now, find all the possible routes you can take through them. Abandon all but the safest, and fly on through.

His face oddly serene amongst all this chaos, Nik responds to Ben's commands and pushes the controls of the ship forward.

EXT. SANDSTORM - SUNSET

The Twilight surges forward, banking left and plummeting into the space between the two left-most twisters. Entering the rending wind currents, the ship twists first left, then right, falling headlong towards the central tornado.

INT. TWILIGHT/COCKPIT - SUNSET

OWEN: I have a bad feeling about this.

EXT. SANDSTORM - SUNSET

Just when it seems that the freighter is going to get swept up into the twister, it instead twists around it, corkscrewing around to the top, where it is then thrown upward, clear out of the reach of the triplet tornadoes.

INT. TWILIGHT/COCKPIT - SUNSET

OBI-WAN: (pats Nik on the back with a pleased smile on his face) Good work, Anakin. I told you you could do it.

Turning to look up at the Jedi, Anakin grins, pleased with his piloting and Ben's praise.

OBI-WAN: (cont'd) Now get us up over this storm and head on back for home.

As Anakin does as he's told, Ben rejoins the others.

OWEN: What just happened? How did he do that?

OBI-WAN: (serious) Don't you know?

Owen returns Obi-Wan's serious expression. He knows exactly.

EXT. SKY - SUNSET

Breaking through the top of the sandstorm, the Twilight emerges into the clear darkening sky of Tatooine, the vermilion light of the setting suns gleaming off its hull as it rockets toward home.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - SUNSET

Descending from the sky, the Twilight comes in over the Lars homestead, touching down on the ground just beyond the outlying moisture vaporators. Once the freighter is firmly down on terra firma, the hatch pops open and lowers, allowing the Larses and Whitesuns to climb out into the open air.

BERU: (puts her arm around Nellith's shoulder) It'll be nice to have a good, long shower again, won't it, Mom?

NELLITH: (laughs lightly) I'd settle for a tall, cool glass of bantha milk.

Stepping up behind the two girls, Anakin places his hands on their shoulders.

ANAKIN: (grins) I think both can be arranged.

Together, the Larses walk off toward the homestead, leaving Obi-Wan and Owen alone together by the Twilight.

OWEN: How long have you known Anakin was ... (trails off)

OBI-WAN: Like me?

Owen nods.

OBI-WAN: (cont'd) I knew almost immediately.

OWEN: When did you tell him?

OBI-WAN: After Mir's funeral.

OWEN: Why?

OBI-WAN: (runs a hand through his hair) I don't know.

OWEN: (cocks an eyebrow) You don't know?

OBI-WAN: I honestly don't know why I told him. (beat) I regretted it as soon as it was done.

OWEN: But what's done is done.

OBI-WAN: (puts his hands on Owen's shoulder) Owen, nothing has to change.

OWEN: (smirks) I know Nik too well to believe that, Ben. (beat) Now that you've opened his eyes to a greater universe, he won't be content staying here as a moisture farmer. (beat) He's like you in that regard.

OBI-WAN: I can't train him, Owen. You know that.

OWEN: But you can take him to someone who can, can't you? (beat) Just do me one favour.

OBI-WAN: What is it?

OWEN: Don't get him mixed up in the war. Take him to Yoda's planet or wherever, just don't get him involved with the war. (beat) He's my best friend -- I don't want him getting killed or harvested fighting those goddamn whitefaces. Do you understand me?

OBI-WAN: I understand, Owen, and I won't pressure him to join the fight. You have to understand, though, that if Anakin chooses to join of his own free will, I can't stop him.

OWEN: Just take him as far away from the war as possible. (turns to look after Anakin with the women in the distance) God willing, the war'll be over by the time any damn fool notions of defending the galaxy from the Clonemasters enter his head.

Nitpicking time...

Beru wants a good, long shower on a desert planet where their only source of water seems to be vaporators (which collect water vapour from the air)?

Blue milk should either be just "milk" or "eopie milk" or whatever you want to call it. There is no evidence that they drink white milk, so it seems odd that they would call it what we call it.

I'm also curious as to what kind of monotheistic religion that simply titles their deity "God" is  native to Tatooine, or where it came from if it's from elsewhere.

I think you pulled this off in a believable manner, with the sandstorm/twisters and all. It makes sense and it doesn't seem too shoehorned into the story.

RicOlie_2 said:

Beru wants a good, long shower on a desert planet where their only source of water seems to be vaporators (which collect water vapour from the air)?

The showers they use on Tatooine are sonic showers.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Sonic_shower

Blue milk should either be just "milk" or "eopie milk" or whatever you want to call it. There is no evidence that they drink white milk, so it seems odd that they would call it what we call it.

Yes, you're right. I'll guess I was trying too hard to point out just what kind of milk she wanted to drink.

I'm also curious as to what kind of monotheistic religion that simply titles their deity "God" is native to Tatooine, or where it came from if it's from elsewhere.

In my personal canon, the humans and near-humans of the Known Regions of the galaxy all descend from humans who left Earth. Logically, they would have taken their Terranean beliefs and figures of speech with them when they left for the stars. Even in the era my story takes place -- thousands upon thousands of years after their ancestors left and have all but forgotten about Earth -- the various human cultures of the Known Regions still retain a number of "Earthisms".

And anyway, the belief in/mention of God within the SW Universe isn't without precedent. =P

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/God

Interesting. I've never heard of sonic showers before. I guess it makes sense though. I forgot about your personal canon, but I guess that makes sense too.

INT. LARS HOMESTEAD/LIVING AREA - SUNSET

As Owen and Ben enter the living area of the Lars homestead, they find Anakin sitting on a sofa, checking his healing wound under the bacta patch.

ANAKIN: (reseals the patch) The girls are in the 'freshers getting cleaned up.

OBI-WAN: Then it can wait.

ANAKIN: (cocks an eyebrow) What can wait?

Neither Ben nor Owen say anything, merely taking seats within the room. After several minutes pass, Nellith and Beru both enter the room -- clean, refreshed, and radiant in fresh new clothes.

BERU: (beaming) Lord, it feels so good to be clean after all that time in the Wastes!

Rising to his feet, Owen glances at Anakin, Nellith, and Beru.

OWEN: Nik, Beru, Nellith ... Ben has something he has to say.

Crossing over to the sofa, Beru and Nellith both sit down beside Anakin.

NELLITH: What is it, Ben? What do you have to say?

As Owen retakes his seat, Obi-Wan stands up.

OBI-WAN: When I arrived here, I made a discovery -- an incredible discovery none of you save Owen and Anakin know about. (beat) Anakin, like me, is Force-sensitive. Like me, he has the power to perceive and harness the Force.

Hearing this, Nellith and Beru turn to regard the blond young man; while Nellith doesn't seem all that surprised by this news, Beru's eyes are virtually popping from their sockets with the revelation.

BERU: Force-sensitive!? When did this happen?!

ANAKIN: Ben told me it's something I was born with.

OWEN: (to Nellith) The Force --

NELLITH: (cuts him off with a raised hand) I know what the Force is, Owen. (turns to Ben) When did you reveal this to my son?

OBI-WAN: The night of your husband's funeral.

NELLITH: (turns to Anakin, irate) You've known all this time and you never told us?!

ANAKIN: (taken aback) Mom, what's wrong? What are you getting angry about?

Without answering, the Zeltron-human woman turns back to Obi-Wan, glowering at him with her intense fuchsia eyes.

NELLITH: Why didn't you say anything?

OBI-WAN: I regretted telling your son about his abilities. I was hoping any interest in the Force would go away if I left it alone.

NELLITH: (angry) You should have thought about that before you said anything to him in the first place!

OBI-WAN: I know. (beat) But I can't ignore your son's need anymore.

NELLITH: (grits her teeth) What need?

OBI-WAN: To realize his potential by becoming a Jedi. (beat) I personally can't teach him, but I know many others who --

Simmering with rage, Nellith bolts upright and quickly leaves the room before the Jedi knight can finish what he has to say.

BERU: Mom!

Jumping from the sofa, Beru hurries after his mother, leaving Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Owen alone in the room.

ANAKIN: (turns to Ben) I thought you didn't want me to become a Jedi.

OBI-WAN: (sits down) I opened your door to a much larger world -- I have to be the one who helps you take your first step through it.

INT. LARS HOMESTEAD/CORRIDOR OUTSIDE NELLITH'S ROOM - TWILIGHT

Entering the corridor, Anakin makes his way down to the closed door leading into Nellith's room. As he arrives, the door opens and Beru steps out. Closing the door, she makes eye contact with her half-brother.

ANAKIN: Can I talk to her?

BERU: Sure.

Without further words, Beru walks past Anakin on her way out of the corridor, leaving Nik free access to the closed door. Opening it, he steps inside to find Nellith sitting on the edge of her bed, her head bowed and her hands clasped together in her lap.

INT. LARS HOMESTEAD/NELLITH'S ROOM - TWILIGHT

ANAKIN: (closes the door) What was that all about with Ben, Mom? Why did you freak out at him like that? What's wrong?

NELLITH: (sighs) I was hoping this would never happen. (beat) I didn't want you to find out about your connection to the Force.

ANAKIN: (sits down beside Nellith) I don't understand. Before I met Obi-Wan, I didn't even know what the Force was. But you sound like you're an expert on the subject or something, like you knew this might happen one day.

NELLITH: I'm not an expert, but I know enough about it to know I don't like it. (beat) I don't want to you to go with Kenobi to become a Jedi.

ANAKIN: (frowns) Why, Mom, why? I've never asked you for anything before -- why deny me the opportunity to get off this dustball world and make something for myself?

NELLITH: Because of your father.

ANAKIN: I don't see what Mir has to do with any of this.

NELLITH: I'm not talking about Mir. (beat) I'm talking about Kane.

Hearing the name of his biological father, Anakin goes silent, taken aback by the weight of this revelation.

Just a heads up: I've changed the codename of the water planet to KMN-0 and given the Mandalorian dungeon ship a name; it is now identified throughout the script as the Nyax.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - DAY

Anakin, Obi-Wan, Nellith, Owen, and Beru stand together outside the entrance dome, each exchanging their farewells.

BERU: (cont'd) I wish you could stay, Nik, but it's your decision, and I want you to know I support you all the way.

ANAKIN: Thanks, Beru. I always could count on you. (tearing up) I'm gonna miss you.

BERU: (smiles through tears) It'll be hard getting used to you not being around. (beat) Goodbye, Anakin.

Anakin and Beru embrace, drawing together in a tight hug.

ANAKIN: You take of Owen, now, hear? Without me around, you'll be the only one around to keep that anger of his in check.

BERU: (laughs) Now you're projecting.

As Nik breaks away from his half-sister, he turns to face Nellith.

ANAKIN: Well ...

NELLITH: Well?

ANAKIN: Are we okay?

In response, Nellith walks over to Anakin, wrapping him in a tight hug.

NELLITH: Oh, Ani, we're more than okay. (kisses him on the cheek) I love you, and there's nothing in this universe that can change that!

ANAKIN: (embarrassed) Mom, I told I didn't want you calling me that anymore. "Ani" is a little kid's name.

ANAKIN: (laughs) Whatever you say, Nik. (kisses him on the forehead) Whatever you say.

Having made their peace, the mother and her son part.

OWEN: (smirks) It won't be the same around here without you, Nik. Good luck, though, kid -- you'll need it.

Grinning ear-to-ear, Nik flashes his friend a thumb's up.

OWEN: (turns to Obi-Wan, his expression growing serious) Well, it's time to say goodbye again, isn't it?

OBI-WAN: Yes, it is. (beat) It's not going to be like the last time, is it?

OWEN: (shakes his head) No, Ben, it isn't.

Without another word, Owen embraces Obi-Wan in a strong hug, patting him roughly on the back.

OWEN: (crying) I'll be seeing you, brother.

OBI-WAN: (returns the embrace, smiling) You too, brother, you too.

Once Owen and Ben separate, the Jedi and his young ward begin walking on over towards the Twilight, which is sitting in wait for them with its hatch lowered.

ANAKIN: (stops and turns to face the others) Once I become a Jedi, I'll come back for you all! I'll find a beautiful water-filled world full of flowering plants to make our home and I'll take you there to live with me! I promise!

Owen, Nellith, and Beru wave farewell to Anakin, and he waves back. Then -- turning around without a look back -- he and Obi-Wan make their way to the Twilight.

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

The Light Hammer sits in low orbit above Tatooine, lazily circumnavigating the diametre of the world without aim.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/BAIL'S QUARTERS

Admiral Bail Organa and Commander Raia Vaness sit together in his quarters, engaged in a game of three-dimensional holochess.

BAIL: Hmmm ...

CMDR. VANESS: Problem, Admiral?

BAIL: No, not really. This just feels so derivative somehow.

CMDR. VANESS: (frowns) What are you talking about?

BAIL: Nevermind. Make your move.

Vaness makes her move. Once it is complete, she grins with wicked triumph.

CMDR. VANESS: Checkmate, Admiral.

BAIL: (sighs) Fifth game in a row.

CMDR. VANESS: Forty-two, if you want to be precise.

BAIL: Pardon me?

CMDR. VANESS: Well, counting all the games we've played since arriving here, we come to a total score of --

BAIL: (rolls his eyes) Nevermind.

CMDR. VANESS: Want to try for another?

BAIL: Forget it. Just turn the damn thing off.

CMDR. VANESS: (deactivates the holographic chessboards) You do have a problem, don't you?

BAIL: Weeks spent doing nothing but flying circles around a planet gets very boring very fast. (beat) I wish the Mandalorians would just hurry up and show their faces already.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/BRIDGE

The officers on board the bridge of the dreadnaught go about their duties like machines on autopilot, weariness from boredom etched in their features.

COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: (stretches his arms) Well, I'm taking a break. (to the weapons officer) Hey, Nebucha, can I borrow your Mermeia cassette again?

NEBUCHA: (annoyed) What, again!?

COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: C'mon, Nebucha, it's my break!

NEBUCHA: If you're gonna watch it here, you'd better not do that ... thing again, Dnezzar. You take it to your bunk if you want to do that!

DNEZZAR (COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER): Oh, that was a one-time slip up. You know how the boredom gets -- it warps your sense of discretion.

NEBUCHA: (frowns) Yeah, yeah, whatever. (reaches into his tunic and pulls out a cassette) Take it.

Nebucha tosses the cassette to Dnezzar, who catches it gleefully.

DNEZZAR: Thanks, man!

NEBUCHA: (points at the communications officer) Remember -- don't do the thing.

DNEZZAR: (winks) Don't do the thing.

NEBUCHA: (rolls his eyes) Pervert.

With unbridled haste, the communications officer slides the cassette into a port set within his terminal and then picks up a mechanical visor, slipping it down over his eyes.

DNEZZAR P.O.V. - CASSETTE RECORDING

Within Dnezzar's line of sight is a headshot of a beautiful dark-skinned humanoid woman with pink, feather-like hair set against a green, psychedelic background.

MERMEIA: I know you're searching for me. Searching, searching. I am here. My voice is for you alone. I am found in your eyes only. I exist for you. I am in your mind as you create me. Oh, yes ... I can feel my creation. (giggles) I'm getting your message. Are you getting mine?

CUT TO

Dnezzar laid back in his seat, drooling.

DNEZZAR'S P.O.V. - MERMEIA

MERMEIA: Oh, oh! We are excited, aren't we? Just relax. Just relax. Yes! Now ... we can have a good time, can't we?

CUT TO

Dnezzar laid back in his seat, his mouth stretched in a rictus grin of absolute anticipation.

DNEZZAR: Oh, you'd better believe it, baby.

EXT. SPACE

Without any warning, the Nyax and five Jehavey'ir-class assault ships drop out of hyperspace. Without wasting any time, they begin approaching the Light Hammer.

SENSOR OFFICER #1: (bolts upright in her seat) Heads up, people! We've got Mandalorians on our scopes!

Roughly jolted out of his simulated reverie, the visor flies off Dnezzar's face as he almost topples out of his seat.

MR. SOLO: We've got to alert the admiral immediately!

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

Slowly but surely, the Mandalorian ships approach the dreadnaught.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/BRIDGE

The door to the bridge slides open, and Bail and Vaness stride in.

BAIL: (taking his seat on the command chair) What's happening?

SENSOR OFFICER #1: Six Mandalorian ships have arrived, sir. Five Jehavey'ir-class assault ships and one Lictor-class dungeon ship.

The bridge door slides open once again, and Siri Tachi walks on in.

CMDR. VANESS: (turns to Siri) Mistress Tachi, six --

SIRI: (interrupting) Yes, I know -- I sensed their arrival. (to Bail) Can your ship handle them, Admiral?

BAIL: Five Jehavey'irs pack a punch, but they're no match for a Dreadnaught-class heavy cruiser. We'll be sending them home to the ruins of Mandalore just in time for supper. (to Dnezzar) Open hailing frequencies -- issue them our terms of surrender.

DNEZZAR: They're not responding, Admiral.

BAIL: Well, they can't say we didn't warn them. (to Nebucha) Target the dungeon ship and open fire when ready.

NEBUCHA: Yes, sir.

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

Without warning, five more ships drop out of hyperspace. These ships are Dreadnaught-class heavy cruisers like the Light Hammer; unlike the Light Hammer, however, these dreadnaughts bear markings which identify them as belonging to the Mandalorians rather than to Alderaan.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/BRIDGE

SENSOR OFFICER #1: Sir -- five more Mandalorian ships have dropped out of hyperspace!

BAIL: What?!

SENSOR OFFICER #1: They are all dreadnaughts, sir.

CMDR. VANESS: (turns to Siri, frowning) I thought the reports said the dungeon ship only ever came equipped with an escort of two-to-five assault ships.

SIRI: (worried) The reports were wrong.

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

The five Mandalorian dreadnaughts suddenly open fire on the Light Hammer. The forward deflector shields catch the worst of the barrage, but the ship still takes a rough beating from the intense yellow turbolaser fire.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/BRIDGE

The interior of the bridge rattles as the Mandalorian turbolasers strike the ship, causing more than a few of the officers stationed aboard to hold onto their consoles for support.

BAIL: Open fire!

NEBUCHA: Which ship, sir?

BAIL: The closest dreadnaught! Target its primary turbolaser batteries and fire!

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

The Light Hammer releases a barrage of green turbolaser fire upon the closest Mandalorian dreadnaught, decimating its primary turbolaser batteries within moments. Unfortunately for the Alderaanian ship, it still is outnumbered and outgunned by the remaining four dreadnaughts and five assault ships, all of which begin firing upon the Light Hammer.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/BRIDGE

SENSOR OFFICER #1: We're starting to lose power to our rear deflector shields!

CMDR. VANESS: Divert power from the starboard shields!

SIRI: There are too many of them!

DNEZZAR: Admiral, we're being hailed!

BAIL: The Mandalorians?

DNEZZAR: No, sir -- it's the Xuthltan.

BAIL: (incredulous) Wahr Blarh's ship!? (beat) Put him through.

Seconds later, the green nikto's visage appears on the Light Hammer's viewscreen.

BAIL: Whatever you're planning, Captain, don't.

CAPT. BLARH: The Mandalorians have less right to be here than you do, human. I'm going to take out as many of their ships as I can.

BAIL: Are you daft, man?! Your tin cigar can't handle one dreadnaught, let alone five of them!

CAPT. BLARH: (sighs) Goodbye, Admiral.

With that, Captain Wahr Blarh cuts the connection.

BAIL: (erratic) What!? Get him back! Open hailing frequencies!

DNEZZAR: He won't respond, sir!

BAIL: (screaming at the viewscreen) You stupid son of a bitch!

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

The Xuthltan speeds up out of Tatooine's atmosphere and over the Light Hammer, opening fire upon the assault ships swarming about the dreadnaught as it passes by. The blasts of blue laserfire aren't enough to damage the ships, but they do gain their attention, and in moments the assault ships leave the Light Hammer to attack the smaller cargo ship.

INT. XUTHLTAN/BRIDGE

As the Mandalorian assault ships release salvo upon salvo upon the cargo ship, various consoles, terminals, and other onboard equipment begin to fizzle, spark, and explode.

CAPT. BLARH: (to the helmsman) Program a micro-jump into the navicomputer.

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

As the Jehavey'irs pound the Xuthltan, the Xiytiar-class transport leaps into hyperspace, plowing through and obliterating one of the assault ships in the process. A split-second later, the cargo ship re-enters realspace, materializing directly within one of the intact Mandalorian dreadnaughts. Another split-second later, the combined dreadnaught/cargo ship explodes into a bright fireball, raining debris on the already-damaged dreadnaught the Light Hammer attacked, crippling it completely.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/BRIDGE

Witnessing the sacrifice of the Xuthltan and its crew, Bail puts his face in his palms, shaking his head with dismay.

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

With the Xuthltan no longer around to act as a distraction, the remaining dreadnaughts and assault ships renew their concentrated assault upon the Light Hammer.

I have a few nitpicks once again (that's what I'm best at :)):

1. Holochess is properly termed "dejarik".

2. They have cassettes in Star Wars?!

3. You use a lot of earthisms, which makes sense because they're speaking English and Star Wars is known to do that, but I think you should add some "Starwarisms" as well. For example, instead of Bail calling Wahr Blahr (is that a tribute to Warbler? :D) a "stupid son of a b****", he could call him a "stupid son of a gundark" or a "mynock-brained hair slug [or mynock-brained idiot, if you don't want to make the Starwarisms seem too forced]".

4. Anything graphically violent or of sexual nature that isn't appropriate for kids makes it feel a lot less like Star Wars.

Otherwise, good job. I like the way you portray hyperspace travel and I thought you did a good job getting Anakin off Tatooine. I like that you have Mandalorians and I think the aspects you take from the prequels work well. I have to say I liked the prequels' Kaminoans, but what you did is just fine as well. I wouldn't have missed them if they never happened. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next installment. :)

RicOlie_2 said:

I have a few nitpicks once again (that's what I'm best at :)):

1. Holochess is properly termed "dejarik".

Holochess does have its own entry on Wookieepedia apart from dejarik.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Holochess

And besides, it's a Star Trek reference; three-dimensional dejarik wouldn't be derivative enough. ;-)

2. They have cassettes in Star Wars?!

 http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Cassette

I personally don't think they're like real-world cassettes, though, with spools of tape and the like.

3. You use a lot of earthisms, which makes sense because they're speaking English and Star Wars is known to do that, but I think you should add some "Starwarisms" as well.

I don't actually see the peoples of the Known Regions speaking English in-universe -- not modern English, at any rate; if they do speak English, it's an English that been evolving off of Earth for thousands of years with heavy influences from alien languages.

You're right, though -- I should be adding more "Starwarsisms". 

For example, instead of Bail calling Wahr Blahr (is that a tribute to Warbler? :D) a "stupid son of a b****", he could call him a "stupid son of a gundark" or a "mynock-brained hair slug [or mynock-brained idiot, if you don't want to make the Starwarisms seem too forced]".

I thought about it, but I wanted to express just how upset Bail was -- making him say something along the lines of what you suggested would have put a damper on the gravity of his emotional turmoil IMO.

And yes, Wahr Blahr is a tribute to Warbler (didn't the sighing give it plainly away?) ;-)

4. Anything graphically violent or of sexual nature that isn't appropriate for kids makes it feel a lot less like Star Wars.

I assume you're referring to the scene where Zull gets attacked by the Mandalorian and/or where she fries his brain in revenge.

Truth is that I never really planned for the rape scene to happen; I was planning to have Zull experience more mundane tortures like in the torture chamber and the like, with any threats of sexual abuse remaining as that -- threats. In the process of development, though, I was having trouble developing her story and bringing her to a point which would logically lead her to embracing the dark side, so -- on the spur of the moment -- I wrote the scene.

I knew it was going to be a controversial issue with the script when I wrote it, and it isn't a scene I found comfortable writing, but I wrote it nevertheless and it'll remain in the script until/unless I can come up with a milder alternative that carries as much emotional weight.

I do like to think that if the scene were realized on the big screen, though, it would rate a PG-13 at worst, with the nastier events left to the imagination to figure out. I don't know it that makes it easier to stomach, but I do like to think that I'm not crossing the boundary between acceptable/unacceptable violence too far with my script.

As for the mind-fry scene, I suppose that could cross the boundary into more R-rated territory; It all depends on how much blood you visualize coming out of his wounds, though (it's a homage to Stargate, though, so I had to put it in regardless ;-)). 

At any rate, you can rest assured that I don't plan on adding any more scenes like these to either the rest of this script or the scripts of my Ep. II & III rewrites to come.

Otherwise, good job. I like the way you portray hyperspace travel and I thought you did a good job getting Anakin off Tatooine. I like that you have Mandalorians and I think the aspects you take from the prequels work well.

Thanks.

As a kid, before seeing the prequels, I envisioned the Mandalorians as being largely non-Force-sensitive rivals of the Jedi who had, for lack of a better term, a blood feud with them. I never got to see these or any Mandalorians whatsoever in the PT, and the subsequent EU watered them down, so I decided to compensate by making Mandalorians -- Mandalorians close to how I originally envisioned them -- the villains in one of my prequel rewrites (they won't be the enemies in my Ep. II or Ep. III rewrites, though; I need to show the infamous Clone Masters and concentrate of Anakin's initiation into the Sith eventually).

As for the prequel bits, I've always felt there was there were a lot of little good bits scattered throughout all the crap; they just needed to be freed from the mire and polished a little.

I have to say I liked the prequels' Kaminoans, but what you did is just fine as well. I wouldn't have missed them if they never happened.

Well, the Kaminoans do exist in my universe -- kind of. Instead of being called Kaminoans and being cloners, though, they're known as the Shipwrights, and they serve as the emissaries for a mysterious civilization from the Unknown Regions who supplies the peoples of the Known Regions with hyperdrive technology. They're basically the SW equivalent of the Dune Universe's Spacing Guild.  

They probably won't be appearing in my prequel trilogy, though.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next installment. :)

Pretty soon, the seperate stories of Obi-Wan and Anakin, Siri, and Zull are going to intertwine, and I'm going to introduce Anakin's future wife (she won't be a major character, though; the story already has enough ;-)).

DuracellEnergizer said:

RicOlie_2 said:

For example, instead of Bail calling Wahr Blahr (is that a tribute to Warbler? :D) a "stupid son of a b****", he could call him a "stupid son of a gundark" or a "mynock-brained hair slug [or mynock-brained idiot, if you don't want to make the Starwarisms seem too forced]".

I thought about it, but I wanted to express just how upset Bail was -- making him say something along the lines of what you suggested would have put a damper on the gravity of his emotional turmoil IMO.

And yes, Wahr Blahr is a tribute to Warbler (didn't the sighing give it plainly away?) ;-)

That's a good point about emotional impact.

I missed the sigh the first time I read it, but yeah, it's a dead giveaway. :)

4. Anything graphically violent or of sexual nature that isn't appropriate for kids makes it feel a lot less like Star Wars.

...[stuff]...

Fair enough (to the "stuff").

Well, I gave it some thought, and I decided to shorten "The Infamous Scene".

The more gratuitous elements have been removed; instead of having to bear with the Mandalorian beating Zull and tearing at her clothes, it now cuts from the Mandalorian approaching Zull directly to the Force Hound standing outside her cell door listening to her screams.

It nows plays out as a more chilling counterpart to the scene in Star Wars where Vader enters Leia's cell on the Death Star with the torture droid, and -- hopefully -- it's now more in line with the tone and style of the OOT.

I'd also just like to say thanks for the feedback, Ric_2. I think there'd be a fair amount of untrimmed fat sticking to this script if you weren't around to help inform me on what works and what doesn't.

DuracellEnergizer said:

Well, I gave it some thought, and I decided to shorten "The Infamous Scene".

The more gratuitous elements have been removed; instead of having to bear with the Mandalorian beating Zull and tearing at her clothes, it now cuts from the Mandalorian approaching Zull directly to the Force Hound standing outside her cell door listening to her screams.

It nows plays out as a more chilling counterpart to the scene in Star Wars where Vader enters Leia's cell on the Death Star with a torture droid, and -- hopefully -- it's now more in line with the tone and style of the OOT.

 Much better. This gets the message across, but keeps it clean. And yes, it feels much more like it belongs in Star Wars.

DUS UBBS: (frowning) Hey, now girl --

Her eyes and lips twitching, she crosses over to the Mandalorian and, seizing his head in her hands, drives her fingertips into his skull.

DUS UBBS: YYYEEEAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

As the Mandalorian's blood begins to run along her fingers, thin tendrils of sickly green energy begin to snake out from her hands, driving themselves into the violator's head. Immediately, the Mandalorian's body begins to shudder violently, his eyes rolling up into his head. Zull, for her part, merely increases the dosage, intensifying his shudders until they become full-blown seizures.

DUS UBBS: Ubbaaadduuubbaaabbbbdddduuubbbaaaaaa ...

His head vibrates rapidly in her hands, tongue and saliva trailing from his mouth with his eyes rolled up in their sockets; the blood that flows now from his head wounds is congealed and black, the surrounding flesh charring and flaking away.

Her teeth beared in an animalistic snarl, Zull wrenches her fingers from the Mandalorian's head. Dus Ubbs, stone dead, collapses to the floor, blood, snot, and saliva running from his facial orifices.

EXT. SPACE

The dungeon and assault ships pass through the void of space, an infinitude of white stars glowing behind them.

 My suggestion for this scene is that you don't show the unnecessary gore. This is Star Wars after all. I suggest that instead of showing all the gory details, have Zull begin (key word: begin ;)) to dig into his eyes with the force lighting thing. Then cut to her face so that we just hear the screams of Dus Ubbs and the focus is on Zull's emotion-filled face. Then have her lift her bloody hand up and look at it and cut to space. But if this is part of the reference, then whatever, keep it. This is only a script anyway, and unfortunately it won't ever be on screen.

Well, the scene in Stargate I'm referencing isn't nearly as gory as my homage to it, so it could be rewritten a bit.

JEDIT: I rewrote the scene to remove the references to "congealed black blood" and the like. It's essentially the same scene, just written from a different point of view. ;-)

DuracellEnergizer said:

I'd also just like to say thanks for the feedback, Ric_2. I think there'd be a fair amount of untrimmed fat sticking to this script if you weren't around to help inform me on what works and what doesn't.

 My pleasure. :)

Too bad it seems to be just us two for the most part...not many people have shown interest.