Took a stab at ridiculizing the crawl...

Episode III

Revenge of the Ridiculousness

War! What is good for? Absolutely nothing! Say it again!

The Republic is constantly annoyed under attacks by the handsome Sith Lord, Duke Dooku. There are heroes on both sides. (What the heck does that even mean?) Evil is everywhere, even under your theater seat. Don't try looking under there, trust us on this one.

In a stunning move, the erratic droid leader, Steve Grievous, who isn't as handsome as Duke Dooku, has swept into the Republic capital, and kidnapped Supreme High Mucky Muck Palpatine, who's probably regretting sacking his security staff in budget cuts right about now.

If Grievous had noticed that Palpatine looks a lot like his boss, Sid Sidious, he'd feel really dumb kidnapping him. But, it's all part of Sid's overly complicated, highly dependent on random events, decades long plan for galactic domination. Rube Goldberg himself couldn't design a sinister plot like this!

As the not very attractive Separatist droid army attempts to escape the very expensive, but visually confusing battle scene with their valuable hostage, two Jedi Knights embark on a desperate mission of some sort. You'll never guess who they are...