As The Death Star Turns (The OT.com Off Topic Soap Opera) (UK Version)

EPISODE 1

ANNOUNCER: On today's episode...

INT - DAY - POLITICS THREAD

C3PX said:

Just in case I have not already stated how very much I love Xhonzi, I feel compelled to take this moment to do so.

xhonzi said:

Thanks for the compliment, C3PX, but I'm saving myself for Gaffer.

C3PX said:

Arrg! I am always losing out to Don Gaffer on these boards! One of these days I am going to have to start resenting that guy.

Gaffer Tape said:

Yeah, like Biff Tannen does, apparently...

I'M SO SAD!!!

ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile...

INT - DAY - PAT ROBERTSON THREAD

C3PX said:

And Boost, I really liked that last post of yours. Well said.

TheBoost said:

(Edit: C3PX beat me to it, with a similar sentiment.. and thanks)

C3PX said:

Wow, another really well written post, courtesy of TheBoost.

Edit: Yours was far more concise, thought provoking, and to the point.

TheBoost said:

Thank you sir. You flatter me.

ANNOUNCER: But other relationships were brewing, which could topple the entire OT.com forum...

INT - NIGHT - BUBALOVE THREAD

Gaffer Tape said:

Damnit!  I'm still unloved...

EDIT:  I mean, ohhhh, look at this!  I'm loved too!  I too got a private message!  I'm going to show you all right here!

Dearest Gaffer Tape,

I saw your profile at (originaltrilogy.com), and you seem to be the sexiest person on that boards, so much more so than C3PX, which is why he hasn't gotten any private messages.  But you're so sexy that I can't keep my hot, well-manicured hands off of you.  We should totally have with sex and stuff.  Because you're so hot.  Please reply with me of your e-mail address, which is essential for with sex-having.  Oh, and also your credit card number, for that too is necessary for the sex-having.

Sincerely,
GorgeousWoman3334253353

See, I'm loved!

Ric Olie said:

I got one too.  Hooray!

******

Dearest Mr. Olie,

Happiest of new years! I saw your profile at (originaltrilogy.com), and you seem to be the sexiest person on that boards, so much more so than C3PX or Gaffer Tape, which is why they hasn't gotten any private messages that were real.  But you're so sexy that I can't keep my hot, well-manicured amphibian hands off of you.  We should totally have with underwater sex and stuff.  Because you're so hot.  Please reply with me of your e-mail address, which is essential for with sex-having.  Oh, and also your credit card number, for that too is necessary for the sex-having.

Sincerely,
GunganWoman3334253353

******

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

ANNOUNCER: Will Gaffer choose xhonzi or GorgeousWoman3334253353?  Will Biff realize that Gaffer has been right in front of him all this time?  Will C3PX put his feelings for xhonzi aside and pursue TheBoost?  Will TheBoost get jealous of xhonzi?  Will Ric succumb to the forbidden love of GunganWoman3334253353?  Is Gaffer hiding a special surprise under her white robe? Find out, next time, on...

AS THE DEATH STAR TURNS!

(note: all quotes are lifted directly from the forum - nothing has been edited to fit the story)

hold on - one of you needs to get an eye patch and a [preferrable evil] twin brother.

I don't know about the eye patch, but I can definitely see the evil twin brother thing.  Now, I wonder who could play my twin...

No...I had someone else in mind.  Someone yellow.

It does what TheBoost says or It gets the hose again!

So I've started collecting quotes for another episode.  But would it be worth it?  Nothing I've found works quite as well as the Politics and Pat Robertson stuff.  I am quite fond of the xhonzi/Ringo exchange in this thread, however.

CP3S said:

Wow... words fail me. One thing is for sure, I shall try very hard to refrain from complimenting other people's posts from now on.

Well that's no fun.  What, you don't want to be a TV star?

CP3S said:

Oh, by the way Fink, this is a pretty amusing thread...

Thanks CP3S...

Gaffer Tape said:

I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeFrink!

I don't know if we can show that on daytime network television.

Ric Olie said:

Now, I wonder who could play my twin...

I'm sure the writers have something cooked up for that.

PRESS RELEASE:

After an 18 month hiatus,  AS THE DEATH STAR TURNS has been officially canceled.

-END RELEASE

I demand a spin-off entitled Ziggy Stardust in da Hous.

Ziggy has spoken.

Demand rejected.

The network has powerful lawyers.  I wouldn't do it if I were you.

greenpenguino said:

Suck it!!

I don't think Frink is into that sort of thing....

;-)

Ziggy Stardust said:

greenpenguino said:

Suck it!!

I don't think Frink is into that sort of thing....

;-)

Well, not anymore, given that the show has been cancelled...

TV's Frink said:

Ziggy Stardust said:

greenpenguino said:

Suck it!!

I don't think Frink is into that sort of thing....

;-)

Well, not anymore, given that the show has been canceled...

Oh whatever. You're probably camping out for Happy Feet 2.

ICE BURN